trixy Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I have post before about this relationship. I am a single parent with a six yr old son, I have been with my boyfriend for about six months. We love each other. He has a daughter who lives a flight away and he goes to visit her evry four weeks. he usually stay at my house about three nights a week. Untill yesterday it was going brilliantly, we were even discussing moving in together in the spring. last night however he turned round and said that he didn't like Aidan and that he would never be able to live in a house with my son. He had been doing some DIY jobs for me and evidently my son had ignored him when he spoke to him. My bf is not a natural with children but I thought that their relationship was coming on gradually which is fine. He obviously didn't agree. I had no idea that he felt like that.[/FONT] He is under a huge amount of stress at the moment. His daughter (and ex) are coming to to stay with him at his home next weekend and it not not be easy for any of them We are supposed to be spending Christmas together, which would have been lovely and he still seems to think that this is a possibility. I am swinging between furious and devasted. He seems to think it will all be ok but I feel (this may change tomorrow if I sleep tonight) that ... well I don't know what I feel, I know that it changes everything. I would however really use some feedback from you all, right now I don't trust my own judgement. Thanks for reading this...
Trialbyfire Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Sometimes coincidences happen, other times... Out of the blue, your b/f suddenly takes a dislike to your son, when his ex and daughter are going to stay for the weekend. Hmmm...
JamesM Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 If he is not used to young boys, then this could be the main reason. However, you have to decide whom is your priority: Son or boyfriend. I think it is an easy choice. Having said that, just because he does not like him today does not mean he will not like him tomorrow. But this should be a requirement for a long term relationship.
aubree1982 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Obviously, you are hurt that he said he doesn't like your son. I'm sure your son means more to you than anything in the world and when someone says they do not like him (especially someone you love) then it's going to cause a problem. I think it was very insensitive of him to just come out and tell you he didn't like him. Maybe, he used the wrong words to express how he was feeling but it sounds to me like he doesn't want to learn to like/love your son. You and your son are a package deal, and if he isn't able to deal with that then maybe it's time to say goodbye. So, what's the deal with his ex staying at his house? Can't she find somewhere else to stay? It's kind of weird that the timing of him telling you this about your son is around the time his ex and daughter are comming to town....or maybe it's just a coincidence...?
Lishy Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Dump the chump! Seriously, can you even consider letting a person into your home and your bed and they do not like your most precious and treasured commodity in your life? I am shocked that you even need to think about this!
quankanne Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I think the bigger question here is "how does Aidan feel about my boyfriend?" Because kids are great about "getting" people's character. another thing to consider is that if your BF feels your child was ignoring him, and now he decides he doesn' like your son, there could be a control issue at work here, and he (BF) probably wouldn't hesitate to get into a tug-of-war with your child over your affection. And that ain't healthy. before you make any definite decisions, ask your BF why he feels the way he does, if it's situational or if it's something in general, and feel out your son about your relationship with this man.
climbergirl Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Dump the chump! Seriously, can you even consider letting a person into your home and your bed and they do not like your most precious and treasured commodity in your life? I am shocked that you even need to think about this! Agree completely. You're a package deal, and letting someone into your home who doesn't like your child/children is creating an atmosphere of contention your child doesn't deserve.
Lishy Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I think the bigger question here is "how does Aidan feel about my boyfriend?" Because kids are great about "getting" people's character. another thing to consider is that if your BF feels your child was ignoring him, and now he decides he doesn' like your son, there could be a control issue at work here, and he (BF) probably wouldn't hesitate to get into a tug-of-war with your child over your affection. And that ain't healthy. before you make any definite decisions, ask your BF why he feels the way he does, if it's situational or if it's something in general, and feel out your son about your relationship with this man. That is irrelevant! It does not matter WHY or HOW he does not like her son, all that matters is that he said he does not like him Look at what TrialByFire said too, there could be something in that! Either way the guy has to go, your loyalty lays with your 6 year old son, he did not ask to be born and it is your duty to nurture and protect him and that includes picking people who will like him to be in his life
2sure Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Your son is only 6 years old. For an adult to say "I can never live with him" , "I don't like him"...to a child's mother... Is a huge red flag. A man that does not love your son along with you...is unlovable.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 If you love your son at all, you would consider his feelings in all this instead of taking sides between a stranger and your own flesh and blood. My mother was in a similiar situation. She chose to marry a man who hates me without regards to my feelings. And she tried to make it point that she loves him and wasn't willing to divorce him. You can just imagine my contempt for the both of them.
Lishy Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Your son is only 6 years old. For an adult to say "I can never live with him" , "I don't like him"...to a child's mother... Is a huge red flag. A man that does not love your son along with you...is unlovable. Just reading that again made my blood run cold! This man is a piece of work
amaysngrace Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I agree with everybody else when they say choose your son over a guy. Especially a guy who is trying to make you choose between him and your son. What kind of f**ked up sh** is that??
JamesM Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Okay, it has been decided...there is no hope for this man. Ya might as well send him to jail.
Geishawhelk Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Honestly? I don't even know why the question is being asked. My response would have been - "Thanks so much for sharing that with me. I appreciate that more than you will ever know. Oh, by the way - There's the door. Don't let the knob hitcha where the dog shoulda bit ya."
Trialbyfire Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 he usually stay at my house about three nights a week. last night however he turned round and said that he didn't like Aidan and that he would never be able to live in a house with my son. These two are conflicting statements. He's already been living with your son three days a week. This is why it's so difficult to believe.
Lishy Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 These two are conflicting statements. He's already been living with your son three days a week. This is why it's so difficult to believe. I agree It is funny how he is saying this just as his ex is coming to stay! Whatever his reasons, he would still be given the big heave ho for what he said.
amaysngrace Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I don't get it either. I don't even know what there is to think about. I wouldn't subject my child to a person knowing that they don't like them. A six year old boy. What is not to like? Unless he's out in the yard beating puppies with a baseball bat seriously, what is not to like? Trixy I think this guy likes to play some twisted mental head games with you. Wouldn't you agree?
Trialbyfire Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Whatever his reasons, he would still be given the big heave ho for what he said. I agree. Your son comes first.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 If he says he dislikes your son, what are the chances that he won't start abusing your son after you guys get married?
amaysngrace Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 If he says he dislikes your son, what are the chances that he won't start abusing your son after you guys get married? If he doesn't like the child then any interaction with the child could be taken as abusive. By the MOTHER.
BentSpine Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Untill yesterday it was going brilliantly,So his actions make you feel good. And actions speak louder than words.we were even discussing moving in together in the spring. last night however he turned round and said that he didn't like Aidan and that he would never be able to live in a house with my son.Something caused him to change his mind. evidently my son had ignored him when he spoke to him. My bf is not a natural with childrenIf he's not a natural with children, would his reaction be understandable if Adrian happened to be a live-in adult son? Dig deeper: What does HE mean by "not like". His unusual choice of words can be because he may dislike beating around the bush, even if the topic is sensitive, e.g. referring to their partner's self-confidence when they really want to say is their partner has become fat. In a way I could say that I don't like kids either: I don't want any of my own. I get no big pay-off from them, only a small one. I have difficulties filtering out background sounds, and kids can make a racket, so I think of them as peace-disturbers. Yet, they open up to me. Kids open up to me because they feel that I honestly listen to them and are trying to see through their eyes. The trick is, I can do this as long as I have an exit. I listen to kids as what they are saying is valuable to me, but when the evening comes and it's time to wind down and recharge, I want no kids in the same appartment. I commend him for trying to build a relationship with a mother with a 6 year old. Personally I stay clear of mothers with Kids younger than 14: I find them too dependent to give enough uninterrupted "couple time".(Oops! I just became guilty myself of beating around the bush, of course I mean the birds and the bees.)
Citizen Erased Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 A 6 year old not engaging in a conversation with an adult? Shocking! Put your child first. He deserves to live in a home where his every move is not being judged as him being a spiteful brat by the man you love.
Trialbyfire Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Another member(s) mentioned asking your son what his thoughts were. Sure, six year olds ignore adults but this way, you can gauge how your six year old feels about this man, if there was reason to ignore him.
quankanne Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 it *is* relevent – he might actually not like the boy, or he might just have a problem with communicating effectively and the boy *isn't* the problem. But for her peace of mind, she's going to need to know what's really going on in her guy's brain as she contemplates her next actions ... by no means does this suggest that the boy comes last, just that Mom gets all information she needs while she contemplates these things.
Lishy Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 The man is a JOKE .. Dont even bother asking for answers all you could expect from a pig is a grunt!! If he does not like your boy, your own flesh and blood, because he didnt talk to him then I would say your son is a good judge of character! I feel sorry for his daughter, at least your son can escape him if you make the right decision.
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