bimmerz Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Okay long story short... My ex girlfriend broke up with me over a year ago.. we were great together and she later said she did it to try and teach me a lesson but it backfired on her. I started NC a month after break up, she caved in 6 weeks after that and told me she still loved me etc.. we started meeting again but that ended 2 weeks later after a stupid little fight and i told her its was best we didnt get back together. 2 weeks later she is back texting me and we arrange a weekend away which went well, i tell her then that im moving to another country for 2 months and she seems fine with that as it will only be for 2 months. Here is where things get interesting, she was texting me every 2 weeks or so when i was away (she always initiates) and after two months asks when im coming home, i tell her that i have decided to stay here, a month later in a text she tells me that she is going on hols, i tell her that i have been thinking about her a lot and miss her, her reply, "im actually on hols with my boyfriend, im sorry you are missing me but there is nothing i can do, you left the country!" So i reply with "i had to leave as i felt you didnt want anything to happen between us, i hope he treats you the way you deserve" So two weeks pass and she is back texting me again and i tell her to stop contacting me as i still have feelings for her and its not fair on me or her new boyfriend. She agrees but says she cares about me as friend and if i ever need to talk that she will be there for me but 6 weeks later after i updated my facebook with pics of me and some of the women i have been meeting i get another text from her..(one hour after i updated my pics) Anyway fast forward to last week, she texts again and asks if im coming home for christmas, i say yes and she says we should meet up for a drink... Now coz im writing this its obvious that im not fully over her but i can say i feels a lot better about the situation than i did a few months ago. Whats the best way to handle this meet up ? I cant imagine her boyfriend (if she still has one) would be too happy about her meeting me plus why would a girl who is in a relationship keep contacting her ex... She is the type of girl who is stubborn so even if she did want to say something to me about her feelings she would find it hard to do incase it backfired on her..
BCCA Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Honestly, as hard as it is for us guys to make sense of, she could seriously think that you two can just be friends, and that everyone will be happy with that. She's not thinking about her boyfriends reaction the way you are because shes not on the same page as you. For her, there is nothing to even worry about; youre just friends. If it was me, and youre absolutely sure you want to do this, I would make it as brief and informal as possible. Meet up at a Starbucks for an hour in the middle of the day and leave it at that. Youre not over her, so be careful.
Author bimmerz Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 To be honest id rather not see her at all when i go home but its a small town and im bound to bump into her sooner or later. I hear what your saying but i told her that i cant be just friends with her as i still have feelings so she knows where i stand. She is running the risk of me hating her now if she starts playing mind games again..
BCCA Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 To be honest id rather not see her at all when i go home but its a small town and im bound to bump into her sooner or later. I hear what your saying but i told her that i cant be just friends with her as i still have feelings so she knows where i stand. She is running the risk of me hating her now if she starts playing mind games again.. Dude, I told my ex probably 200+ times that I cant be her friend at all, and if that was ever an option it would take years. She also knows that Im not friends with ANY ex of mine. STILL, after all this...she's tried to push the 'we can just be friends' thing on my repeatedly. And she knows she risks me hating her forever everytime I feel misled into something that ends up being yet another attempt to 'just hang out', but does that stop her? Of course not. Let be honest, its either a relationship or nothing for you. What does she have to lose by trying the friend route? Either you accept her friendship, or you go back to hating her/not wanting to talk. Trust me, PLEASE, dont kid yourself into believing that she would never even think that you would just be friends because you told her you werent down with it. Truth be told, Im sure she told you it was over and youre still trying, right? Its the same thing for her. I would bet you $50 if you asked her where she thought this would go, she would say something ambigious about being friends. If she wanted more, you would know, its SO true, and we all lie to ourselves thinking there is more to it.
orangesean Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Was your whole relationship only through text messages? Seems like it to me.
samspade Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 If she wanted more, you would know, its SO true, and we all lie to ourselves thinking there is more to it. This is the key, the one thing behind every sad post here. We need to train ourselves to think straight during heartbreak. Easier said than done.
moonmoon Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 If she wanted more, you would know, its SO true, and we all lie to ourselves thinking there is more to it. This is the key, the one thing behind every sad post here. We need to train ourselves to think straight during heartbreak. Easier said than done. 1. There is no such thing as thinking straight during heartbreak. If you are able to - you probably didnt love the person anyways. 2. The huge fault with this line of reasoning is that women hardly ever show us what they want! Biggest reason: they are usually unclear on it themselves! The reason this self-fulfilling prophecy comes true is the needy or desperate way we end up asking them if they want us - and you now see that that is probably the number one most unattractive thing to a girl. so? She at least is playing games and making up having a bf. Or shes lying to him that it would just be a casual meetup with you. or shes not even telling him. I dont see any of these options as one that still makes her out to look like a class act. Me, well I would go, hands down, because what do you have to lose? Hell I bet you could probably boff her. You seem like you have feelings but you definitely dont want to get back with her. I bet you will have her cheating on her bf and begging for you back. Let her live in her web of deception and know you were better off. But still, get some while its hot. I hate to think of what-ifs!
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