ConfusedAtHome Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Just recently got out of a 3-year relationship and am trying to get back into the dating scene. I'm more of a relationship person, so it is weird for me. However, I met up with a woman (who is an acquaintance) whose ex did the same thing to her that mine did to me. It was more of a little get together to get some perspective and discuss what each one had been through, etc. We talked at her place for about 3 1/2 hours. I came away actually liking this woman, which was not expected. I would like to spend some time with her, but, of course, I question whether she would want that, should I call after it has been this long (5 days), etc. She has something important this evening that I was going call and wish her luck on, but I wanted some advice. Being out of the dating loop so long has made me question what I should do! Help!
shockandawed Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Chances she came away with the same feeling. I don't see anything wrong provided neither of you are rebounding. Call her up, wish her luck for this evening and see if she is available one night this week.
Author ConfusedAtHome Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 She may have come away with the same feeling, maybe not. She said she is casually dating others right now. Thanks ShockandAwed...it seems so easy to just make a call, but I've been hesistant b/c I don't know how she feels and since I haven't been in the dating scene for a while it's been a little hard to get the courage to call.
whichwayisup Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 She said she is casually dating others right now. Because of this, shield your heart and don't let yourself get emotionally attached too quickly. Call her, wish her luck. Be happy and upbeat, and then tell her that you'd like to get together later in the week - Lunch or dinner.
Author ConfusedAtHome Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 Because of this, shield your heart and don't let yourself get emotionally attached too quickly. Call her, wish her luck. Be happy and upbeat, and then tell her that you'd like to get together later in the week - Lunch or dinner. I'm shielding my heart right now anyway, but she has been the first person, post break-up, that has intrigued me.
shockandawed Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Yes, it is much easier to say it without the emotions and fears that you are going through. Funny, looking back, I spend alot more time thinking of the ones I didn't persue than the ones who rejected me. Why are you so nervous about contacting her? You said you spent over 3 hours together. She obviously enjoys your company. You say you are more of a relationship person, are you thinking of her already as long term relationship? I know all too well the eagerness to jump back into a relationship after a breakup. Trust me, that is the worst thing you can do. You really need to be completely over your ex, and I mean completely, before you can successfully start another. I would be a little concerned about any relationship starting with the foundation of the two spending hours discussing their recent breakups.
Author ConfusedAtHome Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 Yes, it is much easier to say it without the emotions and fears that you are going through. Funny, looking back, I spend alot more time thinking of the ones I didn't persue than the ones who rejected me. Why are you so nervous about contacting her? You said you spent over 3 hours together. She obviously enjoys your company. You say you are more of a relationship person, are you thinking of her already as long term relationship? I know all too well the eagerness to jump back into a relationship after a breakup. Trust me, that is the worst thing you can do. You really need to be completely over your ex, and I mean completely, before you can successfully start another. I would be a little concerned about any relationship starting with the foundation of the two spending hours discussing their recent breakups. I'm nervous because it has been over three years since I called someone looking to go out on a casual date! I'm not looking to jump into a relationship at all, but it has been a nice feeling to have someone pique my interest.
shockandawed Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I'm nervous because it has been over three years since I called someone looking to go out on a casual date! I'm not looking to jump into a relationship at all, but it has been a nice feeling to have someone pique my interest. Yes, it's a great feeling. If you are certain you are interested in a casual date and can take her out without either of you dwelling on your breakups, then by all means go for it. I would follow whichways advise, upbeat and happy, wishing her luck, then asking her to get together later this week.
JoeNat Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I think you should go for it. Ask her out for a drink and maybe dinner. Something where you can continue having a good conversation. Of course this time change the subject to something more positive. Shoot a text. I like texting for first contact because it shows your intrested but not desprate. Dont sell yourself short either, if there is another female you are intrested in then go for that too. What is the worst that could happen? They say No. Ah well, no feelings hurt and you move on.
Author ConfusedAtHome Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 I think you should go for it. Ask her out for a drink and maybe dinner. Something where you can continue having a good conversation. Of course this time change the subject to something more positive. Shoot a text. I like texting for first contact because it shows your intrested but not desprate. Dont sell yourself short either, if there is another female you are intrested in then go for that too. What is the worst that could happen? They say No. Ah well, no feelings hurt and you move on. I called and left a message. I don't like texting a first follow-up contact, so I called! We actually didn't talk about our break-ups the entire time, which is why I think I was intrigued by her. I'm open to friendship, dating or nothing if that what she wants. Thanks for the support everyone, as always! I will keep you updated.
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