Kathy Posted September 11, 2003 Posted September 11, 2003 Has anyone here ever experienced the death of their lover? I am married and was having an affair with a married man. We were very much in love. He died unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. I couldn't go to his funeral. My grief is killing me. I have to grieve alone. Have any of you been through this?
cindy0039 Posted September 11, 2003 Posted September 11, 2003 I haven't been through it, but I wanted to say how very sorry I am for your pain. And before anyone starts throwing stones, let me be the first to say that the last thing you need right now is a lecture on morality, so I hope nobody chooses to go there. I'm sure your sorrow is just the same as anyone else's who loses a loved one. And to be all alone with it must be very difficult for you. Perhaps you could do a search on the internet and find a grief support group. I know firsthand what it is like to lose someone you love (though not a lover) and talking to others who have experienced the same thing does help. I wish I could be of more help. Here's a hug for you. (HUG)
Patty Posted September 11, 2003 Posted September 11, 2003 So sorry for your loss.I know this isnt an easy thing.We are here for you,so just remember that. Let me give you a sympathy hug!I hope you feel better soon! (((((((((hugz))))))) Patty
Vivid_29 Posted September 13, 2003 Posted September 13, 2003 Yes - I'm feeling and I'm terribly sorry for your loss. On September 1, 1997, my exgirlfriend committed suicide. Believe me, I know what you're going through.
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 13, 2003 Posted September 13, 2003 Kathy, A very old friend of mine many years back was having an affair with a married man. Since myself, and my husband at the time, knew her family (and husband) well, I never repeated to anyone what she told me. The man Gayle would sneak off to meet at lunch was killed in a backhoe accident on the construction site where he worked. Since her husband was also a friend of this man, they attended the funeral. Gayle said she tried to hold it together as best she could, but "lost it" in front of everyone. The widows family, and her own husband, were a little bewildered as to why she broke down the way that she did. After all, this was supposed to be Alan's friend (her husband's) and not hers. As much as you may grieving, it may be best that you are not able to attend the funeral. These kind of things happen and should be considered when one chooses to have an affair. Perhaps a grief councilor will help if you have no one else to talk to.
Kathy Posted September 23, 2003 Posted September 23, 2003 Thank you all so very much for your words of sympathy. It means the world to me to not be judged, especially at this time. Vivid_29, your words especially touched me. Thank you, and even though it was a few years ago, you still have my deepest sympathy. You are all a wonderful group of people. Kathy
NYCKate Posted October 1, 2003 Posted October 1, 2003 Kathy, I'm very sorry for your loss. Your post particularly caught my attention because I am in the process of writing a story in which one of the male characters undergoes the same sort of loss of a married female lover. It's an issue that is especially compelling to me because it is so often swept aside, and people are forced into isolation and silence. If you would be interested in sharing any part of your story with me so I can gain a broader perspective on the experience, I would deeply appreciate anything you'd be willing to share anonymously, of course. I wish you well with your recovery. Thank you. My sympathies, Kate
NYCKate Posted October 1, 2003 Posted October 1, 2003 I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to post my email address here. I had written that if you wanted to contact me via email to learn more about what I'm doing, that would be great, and if not, that's fine too. If you do want to contact me, we can find a way to get in touch. Kate
cindy0039 Posted October 1, 2003 Posted October 1, 2003 Kate - If you both register as a members on this site, then she can Private Mail you.
Lisbeth Posted October 2, 2003 Posted October 2, 2003 Wewere in a five yr. relationship, we broke up. He married. However, we couldn't let go of each other. Fifteen yrs. later, he suddenly dies. He was diagnosed with cancer and three weeks later after radiation his heart gave out. He was a young 57. He tried to get a message to me. I kept checking the obits when the calls and email stopped. I nearly died when I saw his name in the obit. I am heartbroken. I went to his service and thanks to two xanex and a glass of wine got through it. Deep down I wanted to crawl into the casket with him. We talked several times during the week and saw each other once or twice a week for the ten years he was married. For fifteen years I loved this man. His wife met him when he was in the relationship with me. I am trying to deal with the grief the best way that I can.
cliche_boy Posted October 2, 2003 Posted October 2, 2003 ya husband prolly found out and had him killed. atleast i know thats what ide do.
Lizbeth Posted October 3, 2003 Posted October 3, 2003 I am not married Clich_boy - obviously from your post, you are still a little boy.
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