lovesickandstuck Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Okay well, this girl was my high school sweetheart. We met in high school (She lived about half an hour away) and hit it off. We were actually really good friends for a while and realized one day that we really were into eachother romantically. I never felt anything so natural in my life. We went through everything together. Her parents did not like the fact that she was with me. They even went so far as to disconnect her phone and take her car away so she couldn't see me. They even resorted to physical abuse at some point during our relationship, but she told them that she was in love with me and that there was nothing they could do. Things felt so right with her. I thought it was true love. We were together for two years before she moved to another state about 1500 miles away for college. She got a scholarship and her parents basically forced her to go to college out of state. The thought of her moving away crushed both of us. That was about 4 months ago. The morning she left I came to be with her at 1 in the morning til 7 am. We both just held on to eachother like we were so crushed. Crying. Everything. When she walked from my car to her house, I literally felt something inside of me break. It was the worst pain. She promised me would talk on the phone every night like we did every night. A few weeks went by and I found that things were different between us. She said she was really busy with basketball practice and just balancing school work. I understood. New transition in life. Then a month later I went off to college as well. It hurt that she did not talk to me as much and that we of course couldn't see eachother. So she broke up with me one day saying it was for the best because it was hurting me so much that we weren't talking. I was crushed. Towards the end of the conversation she started crying and said "I love you." I said "I can't even say that anymore." And she started crying even harder and said that she needed me in her life and gave me the option of trying to fight through not talking as much and everything, but still being together. I told her that I still wanted to be with her, but maybe we just needed a little break so she could get back on her feet and balance everything out. Two days later she told me she needed to be single. Again, I was completely crushed. The next 3 weeks we would still talk, until one day she texted me just saying "I'm seeing someone else." I texted her back saying who? the next day she texted me saying that she met someone out there and that she was falling for him. That he was really special. I couldn't believe it. I thought she was in love with me. She told me that no matter what I was always going to be her best friend. She even went as far to say that even though she was seeing him, he was no me. She even drunk called me one night while her boyfriend was out of town and kept saying "Why didn't you go with me to college? You didn't even try to come with me. I miss you so much baby." And I was like "You have a boyfriend why are you saying this stuff?" and she would reply by saying "One day we'll find eachother again." The next day she texted me saying "Anything I said last night I don't remember so forget I said it okay?" I had a hard time dealing with this. A few weeks later we got into a huge fight. I could tell that her bf wasn't over his ex. So i decided to contact his ex to see if he was being faithful towards my ex. I guess right before school started they had just broken up as well and they were together for 3 years. She was crushed as well. We really only talked because we both knew what eachother were going through so it helped us cope. But soon enough my ex found out and her ex found out that we were friends and they both flipped out. I later found out that my ex flipped out because she lied to her boyfriend about who i was. she told him that I was her guy best friend. And she made up someone else saying that, that was her ex. It made no sense to me why she would lie. She said it was because she didn't want him getting mad at her for talking to me and in case i decided to visit her. She got really mad that I was talking to the ex. Which I can understand. She changed her number and everything. It actually helped me. Not talking to her helped me. Then she came into town the next weekend and I got an incoming private call. I picked up and it was her. She told me that she was home. And I asked how her family was doing. And she said they were doing really well and then continued to tell me what a bad person I was for not going through half the things she went through while we were together. Then she hung up on me. I never really understood the point of that call. I wrote her a email that night. Saying how I would never regret the things we went through to be together and how hard we had to fight to be together. I continued to tell her that I was sorry for not being the boyfriend that she wanted me to be and that hopefully her new boyfriend was everything she wanted me to be. No response. A week later my friend called me and told me that she was talking to my ex and that my ex was saying that she never replied to the email because it made her cry so much everytime she read it. Then immediately after I get a call from a private number and it's her saying "I miss talking to you." My best friend made me hang up the phone and a few minutes later I get an email from her saying that she knows that we went through a tough break up because of her but that she'll always love me and that she can't deny it and that she hopes that the next person i find will treat my heart the way it deserves to be treated. She then texted me with her new number asking if I got the email and we talked for a week after that and she realized she still loved me. She dumped her boyfriend out there and told me she wanted to give it another shot. I gave her another chance because I love her. Then I started to find things out that I did not know before. Her ex best friend decided to tell me to not get back with her because she kissed one of my good friends at the time (who happened to be her ex, but they only went out for two weeks) at the beginning of our relationship. I immediately called her out on it and I said I was done with her for notbeing honest with me. She begged for me back. After a week of begging I gave in because I loved her so much. Then a few days later she said she didn't deserve me and wanted me to move on. I later found out she got back together with the guy out at her college. Again, I was heartbroken. Everytime we tried the NC, she ended up giving in after a week or two and would contact me. She even told me that she wasn't with her boyfriend at the moment and told me I was the love of her life and that there was no one else in this world for her. The next morning she texted me saying "I love him. We need to stop talking its not fair to him. I love him so much." I was crushed once again. NC for 2 weeks then she contacted me again saying "I just ate at our favorite restaurant. Thought of you." I did not reply. A week later she texted me saying that she lost all her contacts in her phone but i was the first contact that she added and that she might move back home next year and transfer to school closer to home. I talked to her. And we've been having small talk. Her boyfriends ex contacted me the other day to say that Jarrod had been calling her and texting her non stop saying that he wants another chance with her and that he needs her in his life. She actually has moved on and is with someone new so she rejected him. Because he can't have her, that's why he's still with my ex. This is how I know this guy is not the one for her. When I asked her how they were. All she said was "He's going through a lot right now and I understand." She then called me a few days ago just to chit chat. It ended up being an hour. She was telling me that every song still reminds her of me. Even new songs. I don't understand why she's sticking by him if she knows he's in love with his ex. She contacted me today saying that she just "smelled me." We texted for a few hours. It was nice. I miss her though. She's supposed to come home in a few weeks. I haven't seen her in 4 months. Don't know if I should. But if I don't will I always wonder what if? I know this was a long post, but I've been on an emotional rollercoaster and want to get some feedback. It's my first heartbreak so I don't really know how to deal with things. I know NC is the best way, but I still wake up sad everyday, it still feels better to chit chat with her. Let me know what you guys think. Thanks!
BikerBeagle Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I'm sure things will be different between the two of you the next time she calls/texts/visits ...she'll have realized by then that you are "the one" for her, and she'll instantly drop every other guy she's been seeing and come flying back into your arms forever and the two of you will live happily ever after. The End. (See how stupid that sounds?) Look, I don't mean to minimize what you are feeling, but I think you are an idiot for putting yourself through all of that over and over and over again. Holy crap, she is playing you like a violin ...and, worse, you know it. Oh, are you 'crushed'? You get to say "I was crushed" once, the first time ...saying it over and over, it's just pathetic and weak. Sheezus, you need to take back what little of your manhood is left from this girl and kick her to the gutter ...STOP talking to her, STOP returning her calls, STOP being her doormat (which is, in the case, appropriate because she wipes her feet on you whenever she comes back into town), STOP being so spineless.
amokqq Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Hi, After reading the whole post I'd like to tell You that I'm going through the same thing right now. It's like a neverending breakup. The moment you start to heal and feel better, your ex shows up/calls whatever. It rips you apart inside. I know what you are feeling. I see that you still love your ex and care for her even though she is with someone else... She keeps on thinking about you. I don't know how strong you are and how much longer can you take all the stuff happening between You and Your ex. I assume you want to give it another go? In my opinion, I you love her, been for quite a while with her... you even care for her when she is with someone else, I think its worth fighting for!
amokqq Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Hi, After reading the whole post I'd like to tell You that I'm going through the same thing right now. It's like a neverending breakup. The moment you start to heal and feel better, your ex shows up/calls whatever. It rips you apart inside. I know what you are feeling. I see that you still love your ex and care for her even though she is with someone else... She keeps on thinking about you. I don't know how strong you are and how much longer can you take all the stuff happening between You and Your ex. I assume you want to give it another go? In my opinion, I you love her, been for quite a while with her... you even care for her when she is with someone else, I think its worth fighting for!
Author lovesickandstuck Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Thanks amokqq, I have a strong feeling that I have more to learn from her and that she's not supposed to be out of my life yet. But I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason.
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Listen and listen well. Run. Seriously. Run. She is emotionally unstable, perhaps to a degree as intense as a mental personality disorder. She's using people more or less, as well as projecting a lot on you in order to alleviate her own guilt. She's abusing you, and you're absorbing it and being used like a damn tool. Do you seriously have no respect for yourself? That's not love. Love isn't a rollercoaster, a rollercoaster is a rollercoaster. Love is commitment... and although it gets rocky, it should never get like yours got. She's dating other people very quickly after breaking up with you, etc. You want the truth? The girl you love is either dead and gone, or never existed in the first place. Straight up, don't go chasing ghosts. I've been through this just like you. She is emotionally unstable and abusive. If you don't cut her out 100%, you will be used like a pathetic tool consistently. Seriously. For your own sake, for your own sanity... STOP TALKING NOW. SERIOUSLY. No bs. Change your number.
WiseOne1 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 The best thing you can do is change your number, this girl is no good for you. Its regular to change emotions quickly after the break up, but she changes emotions atlest 7 times a week. The best thing you can do is go NC, strict NC,or your just going to keep putting yourself thru this over and over, can you imagine going through this 7 months from now, because shes not going to stop anytime soon. But i've been thru this and understand how you feel, you feel that everything happens for a reason, and you feel that you should stick it out, well all I can say is try your best then, good luck.
Author lovesickandstuck Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 thanks wiseone! I'm just going to take it day by day and just live life the best I can.
BCCA Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 thanks wiseone! I'm just going to take it day by day and just live life the best I can. You should do that. BUT, that doesnt mean live life taking this sort of emotional abuse and devaluing yourself to the point of letting another person walk on you. I'm going to sound like a broken record today, but the best way to anticipate future behavior is by looking at past behavior. What would you say has changed in her to make you think she'll be any different next time? Everything does happen for a reason, but sadly, IMO its to teach you a hard lesson. You sound just like a few of us on here, who for some reason, have let a woman toy with their heart for a long time at our expense. For me, being with my ex was a reminder to take heed and dont ever ignore red flags. Dont let someone treat me like she did, dont tolerate being less important than a bag of chips. Everyone always uses that phrase, and we all kind of think it means something positive or uplifting, when in reality, I take it to mean that you should always learn from life's lessons.
Author lovesickandstuck Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Thanks for the input bcca, you're right. I think I was meant to learn something from this. And I feel like in the process, I've become a stronger person as well.
BCCA Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Thanks for the input bcca, you're right. I think I was meant to learn something from this. And I feel like in the process, I've become a stronger person as well. Ok, I'm going to give you some tough love I've gotten lately because it will help... Dont be the victim any longer. You have FULL control over who you talk to, so even though its hard to do initially, stop taking her calls or anything else. Dont tell her youre doing it, dont make a big deal about it, just dissapear. You, and only you, are the one responsible for your own happiness.
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