RRyan65 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I've been spying this forum for almost two weeks while me and my "ex?" were breaking up. I'm 25, she's 22. I tried to break up with her three months ago because I felt the relationship was turning stale and unfulfilling. I told her I wanted to end things. She cried so hard, my heart was broken. She asked me at the time "Do you still love me?" and I couldn't give her an answer. When she cried, I felt like I cared for her feelings so much, that I could give it another shot. I said "We'll do it for three more months, and see what happens". Well, little did I know, she was putting up her guard and distancing herself emotionally from me during the three months. I in the meanwhile, was feeling a little more satisfied with our relationship (maybe because she was showing a tad more independence?) During the last three months we still professed love to each other, but we were less co-dependent. In the past two weeks, however she really started pulling away. She kept texting me heart felt messages like "Maybe youll find out you can't live without me one day and marry me" and "I love you way too much". These messages were all during these rocky rocky last two weeks. During this time I was pursuing her, asking her "Will you give us another chance? If not please let me know so I can take steps to move on" And she would reply "I will, only if you show a major change, and seek help". This is in reference to my issues that tore up this relationship to begin with. See I suffer from grass-greener-on-the-otherside issues, commitment phobia and distrust in people. I have major child abandonment issues. During the whole time that she's been distancing herself, she has said that there is no way that she would start seeing someone else in addition to reassuring me that we'd always have feelings for each other. Up to two days ago, she says she loves me. Well today, I have not been able to get into contact with her. Her phone rang twice, and then she shut it off all day. Then later tonight I tried again and it rang, she ignored the call, and when I tried again, the phone was again off. I've been having my suspicions that someone else has been occupying her time, since she is no longer as eager to see me or make time for me, but she swears she's not. I think this is semi-cowardly because I let her know that it would make me feel better if she were upfront with me. I just know she's with someone else. So, since last time I actually called her (yesterday), we had a "positive" talk, I assumed that I would talk to her again. Well, since she's ignoring me, my mind and soul is ripped to shreds. I've been feeling hurt like I have never before. I'm sick. I feel like I need her and my life will always be empty without her. I will find no one else like her. So, I made an appt with a counselor so that I can seek help, so this does not happen again. My heart breaks when I think how I broke down this girl, and that she's moved on so nicely. My heart also breaks because I feel shes not being honest and open with me. I don't want her to give me details about who she's seeing or anything, but I have a feeling that she's not telling me just in case her feelings for this new person fade, and she might consider getting back with me. All I want from her is this: Give me a chance to change and give us a chance again or tell me that it will never work or that she cannot see me now. If she chose the latter, I will resign as best I can and try to move on. But she gives me no proper closure. Or at least any answers that I think are honest. I need to move on, but I'm haunted by these delusions of getting back together that make me dizzy. I could find someone else, but I feel so bad for letting this one go. I don't know what I'm looking for with my post, but I just had to share. It hurts that a person who was madly in love with you, turns you down when you seek her out. I know I initiated this situation, and if I never find someone as good as her, I'm never going to forgive myself. ----I've been feeling sick all day waiting for her call. I was going absolutely insane! Once I turned off my phone I started feeling just a degree better, plus I'm physically and mentally tired. I've had enough of her shut-out. I must move on.
Dmoney28 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 well, it honestly sounds like she's hitting you with NC. Sounds like you pushed her away in the begining. Now she's backing off (not answering your calls, etc.) An you are falling for it.( she's pulling you in). You now show a renewed intrest, because she took herslef out of the situation. She wants you to change, get help etc. She purposly cut you off. Not only that, but she has you thinking there is another guy. If you been together for a while she knows your insecurity...and using it against you. Hmmm, seems like she has done her homework..i tip my hat to her. Just back off...this game is petty, but for some reason human nature makes it that way. Back off...no contact, try to go on as normal (fight through the pain). and i bet she calls or txt's you in a week...rinse, repeat and continue NC until she makes it VERY clear she wants back. Might work..might not. As of now she is knows this. (all togehter now) "And knowing is half the battle"
Author RRyan65 Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 Thanks Dmoney. Ive read some of your posts and what you're going through, and I hope to get at that level as soon as possible. At a level, where I can just think clearly. My shutting off of the phone, was my NC move. I feel better already. I've also entertained the thought that since I've been the one initiating almost all contact in the past few weeks, she knows she has me (ball in my court). I don't want to play games, of course. But, I will definitely do my part and pull-away. Not in hopes that she'll want me back, but in hopes that I can get my dignity and pride back, and that I will feel like I can move on without her. Like I said, she has been hitting me up with some serious love messages in the past weeks, but usually it's in response to some little generic message I send her. I want to be able to remember the good times with her and not beat myself up everyday for the next few months or years. I am sorry for what I did.
Dmoney28 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 she'll be in contact. You bet your bottom dollar she will. For some reason ex's have this "forget me not radar". Even when you get to a point that you are ACTUALLY moving on. They can sense it. Then BOOM...the "how are you doing" or call txt". Thier contact Is like a fish hook...goes in easy, hard to get out. If this is what you want....cool, try and work it out if you can. But if you really want to move on...God help you.
Author RRyan65 Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 BTW, got confirmation that indeed she is seeing someone else she met on Friday. And the day she didn't answer her phone, she was on a hike with the dude. I'm crushed, because I know that I would never be able to take her back (Most likely she will never want to be back with me anyway). Basically this is the end, and I need serious healing.
Dmoney28 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 man did i call that wrong. My apologies. I know you're in pain. Just stick with NC for you emotional well being. If she could move on that fast...she problly wasnt meant for you. Or she mentally checked out a while ago.
Author RRyan65 Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 She did check out a while ago, 3 months ago approx. She wasn't meant for me. But still this relationship ended the same exact way as my previous (1st ever) relationship. I am doing something wrong, thats why I'm determined to correct it.
BCCA Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 She did check out a while ago, 3 months ago approx. She wasn't meant for me. But still this relationship ended the same exact way as my previous (1st ever) relationship. I am doing something wrong, thats why I'm determined to correct it. You would be hard pressed to find anyone who found the 'one' to spend their life with in their second relationship. Dont be so hard on yourself, these two just werent the right one. Why dont you just take a step back from dating and get your head cleared before you spend to much energy trying to correct anything. Chances are, when you have a clear perspective, youll realize all you were doing is being yourself, and these two just werent a good fit. Not that we're all perfect here, just dont beat yourself up over anything.
trex Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Man I'm sorry to hear about the news. As someone earlier stated, the best prescription for this is NC. The thing with NC is that it stings so badly at first, and is ultimately the hardest to initially get through, but believe me... it is THE FASTEST way to recovery. It's just like any other cold turkey method. I know it's hard, but do your best to keep your mind from over-dwelling on the situation. Stay on this site, and keep reading through the posts, it will help you to mend the pain.
Author RRyan65 Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 Thank you for your kind words, you three. Just knowing that someone has heard my story, and has decided to do just a little something to help, makes me feel a little better. I need to definitely stop going over all the things that went wrong or that were neglected and learn from them. It is just so hard (it's been only a couple of hours since I've been officially informed that there was someone else). My self-image is destroyed. I need to get that back to health I'm going to stick around the forums for a while, but I'll make sure not to relate others stories to mine and reignite my regrets. It's too soon. Also, life seems purposeless without love now. 3 months ago I believed that I could definitely live without her and focus on my studies, now my studies seem meaningless.
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