George2009 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Hello everyone! I won't bore you with I don't usually do this kind of thing on the internet - I'll get straight to the point! People say I am a positive happy person - confident. Personally I am not sure, but what the heck. I live in Europe and I grew up in an environment where I had approach girls in the street, partly because there was no other way available of meeting them. I was lucky in that later I was also able to access a good education. But there has always been this contradiction (maybe) within me - I am not too worried about playing hard-ball with very attractive women. Unfortunately I think I am too used to this and part of me likes it - I am honestly starting to dislike this about myself - it is a sort of pleasure-seeking, or at least I think it is. On the other hand it could be natural - I am not that bothered, but it is important to convey my character here. Now, I miss the most beautiful games-playing girl I have ever met. I was impressed that she was a model. But even now, I still am not sure of whether her tears, when she cried, were real or not. We met in my country of origin, but now I live in hers and have done so for the last 5 years. But I haven't tried to contact her. I know where her family live (that sounds creepy - I don't mean it in that way), but I imagine she does not live there any more. It's about an hour's drive. I think I was emotionally immature and from the moment I met her I felt I existed for her. Again, this scared me. She took advantage of this, and although my heart said this wasn't the case, my mind told me it was. It felt as if she was manipulating me and being cruel, at the time. One day, when my bank account was dwindelling severely, I told her we need a few days apart (we were sharing a flat), and I drove her to the other side of Europe in 14 hours, left her at her family's village, and said I couldn't go on like this, which was true. She was 21 and I was 25. We were both crying - a lot! For about a year I couldn't eat, drink or sleep. The experience destroyed me. When I returned home, after about 24 hours driving, I called her, and after suggesting I visit her on her birthday, she insulted my mother (that is why I have never discussed this with anyone), which was really really weird. My head told me this girl is definitly not for me. I even asked my mother if she had said anything untoward to her. I never tried to contact my ex again since. I often dream about her. We parted in a beautiful old park on a summer's day. I still have the same feeling about her. I love her and I know, out of all the girls I have been with, she had my heart. Last night I dreamt about her, again, being kind to me, but something this time made me go to find out if I could remember where she is from - a voice telling me I can't repress this any more. I found the address, saw the right doorbell, and then left. Her mother is there, but I know no more. Please don't say something like I am superficial, because I am tired of cricising myself for falling in love. I don't know what to do. My life is great, but I feel this is unresolved. I can't just bump into her. I have to make the effort to find her, which means gonig through the mother maybe, who probably does not like me. Any advice is more than welcome, thanks!
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