Majorly broke NC & I am about to have a nervous breakdown

[californiadreaming]

Okay so some of you may have seen my earlier postings about my situation. For those of you who haven't back track to this point.

 

So, I am REALLY having a hard time with this break up, for one, it is my first real relationship, and first real break up.

 

With that said, I majorly broke NC. It started Friday at 11:59pm, I sent her a text message that read 120603143 Which was the day me and my ex met and 143 for I love you. Well my main intention was to let her know that I remembered the day. I didn't expect any response and didn't get any response.

 

Well, yesterday I had a interview on the westside of Los Angeles, I pumped myself up all day, not thinking about my ex, and staying focused for the interview. By the time I left the interview I broke down on the hour and ten minute ride home. I cried so hard. By the time I got home I was a full wreck, and was thinking of a way to show her that I love her.

 

Ha, you know that was easy. I got a frame put a bunch of rose petals in it, and wrote her a poem. Drove to her house at 11:15pm, My plan was to leave rose petals on the floor, that lead to the poem. Well when I pulled up her dad was out doors, drinking with the neighbor, her sister was also out doors with hr friends. By then they all saw me so I proceeded to gt out and I handed her dad the poem and asked him to give it to her. The funny thing is her car was there, her older sister was gone, younger sister was out doors, which leaves her and her mom. My ex ALWAYS locks her door when she leaves because her sisters take her clothes.

 

Well I saw her shadow in her room, and her light was on, but ofcourse her dad said "oh she's not here, I don't know whre she went today" I didn't ask though, he just mentioned it. but, I know she was there. I was actually expecting her to be gone, I thought that girls went partying after they dumped they're man?

 

So, I left came home, drank 2 beers, and went to bed ok. By the time I got up this morning I just couldn't stop the tears from falling, It's gloomy, I'm really sad, and just crying, so I sent her a text 2 hours ago saying " No pressure, But can we talk please?" waited anhour, got no response, then I calld, she didn't answer, I left a message. I wasn't needy, I sounded confident, and just told her that I apologize for the poem situation, it didn't go as planned, I also told her I loved her, and that I was gonna be home to talk if she wantd tonight. Called back 10 minutes later and up until now her phone is off!

 

Yeah! So I majorly screwed up. It's been 9 days since we spoke, in which she was mean to me, and said she needed space, kept saying she was gonna hang up, but I'd say please don't and she didn't, until I finally got mad enough to hang up, then she text me saying sorry for being mean, so idunno I feel like I can get her back I just need to get a hold of my feelings. Overall its been 14 days since I broke up with her, and then called her a few hours later to apologize and she pretty much at that point said she needed space. She was tired of the yo-yo effect, and that she wasn't going to love someone who doesn't care about her.

 

That brings me to now. I am a wreck, my eyes are swollen, I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that she doesn't want to speak to me. I mean you go 5 years as best friends, and then BOOM, don't call me, I need time to heal. What the hell? So I am filled with many emotions, anger, frustration,sadness, lonliness, etc.. on top of that I don't have a job, my car payment is due in 3 weeks, the car is in her name, and wow I wanna see what kind of issue that creats. I am just soo lost right now, all I want to do is speak to her.

[allanDR]

She said she needs space so I suggest you give it to her. Trying to hard to get her back right now will probably just drive her away more.

[OCCDAVE]

I know how you feel dude my gf of almost 3 years dumped me 2 weeks ago.The day before we hung out all was well heck she told me she wanted me to pop the question then the next day bam she told me stay away she needs space.Well friday night i caught her at the mall all over some dude making out.Sigh i wish i had better advice im having a hard time dealing myself just letting you know your not alone.

[californiadreaming]

I just got out of the shower and feel much cleaner, but, I don't feel any much better. I am trying to exercise my mind to emotionally be okay but I feel like I am so full of anxiety that I have no clue what to do right now.

 

At the same time I know that from this point on I have to leave her alone completely. It is just thee absolute hardest thing to do, but, I am promising myself that I am going to not contact her.

 

I am not really worried about another guy. She has been in a relationship since she was 15. She is very moral, independent, and all about women power. She care's about herself way too much to look like a rebound type.

My main concern right now is me being okay.

 

I have too many racing thoughts, I am confused to how after 5 years she could cut me off from contact, that quick. I am confused to why she txt me sorry after being mean to me the last time we talked, I am confused to why would someone need so much time to heal, I think that us communicating and talking about the problem would heal it quicker. I am confused because how long is it going to take? how will she contact me? when will it be? what am I suppose to do in the mean time?

 

you know all of these things bother me. And to top it off I keep trying to break the code in this email her sister sent me. The email is as followed below.

 

 

me to the sister: "I hate to be so brief but has your sister mentioned anything about me to you?"

 

sister to me: "I just got your email…I have been out of the office. To answer your question, yes, My sister told me that you two broke up.

 

I know how difficult this must be for you. I also know my sister cares a great deal for you and is not doing this to hurt you.

 

I hope you take this as an opportunity to reflect on how and why things got to this point. My advice to you is to respect her wishes and give her time and space if you want her to respect you. You need to be a strong man.

 

I don’t mean to sound cold but this really is not any of my business and should be kept between you two. I know she would be upset with me if she knew I was emailing you.

 

Take care of yourself. Things will turn out as they are intended to be."

[EmperorR]

I know how you feel dude my gf of almost 3 years dumped me 2 weeks ago.The day before we hung out all was well heck she told me she wanted me to pop the question then the next day bam she told me stay away she needs space.Well friday night i caught her at the mall all over some dude making out.Sigh i wish i had better advice im having a hard time dealing myself just letting you know your not alone.

 

 

been there, my ex fiance "i love you so much, ill die for you" goes on vacation for 2 weeks and screws some random guy 3 times comes back home dumps me, a week later dating some new herb. It sucks how people's feelings change so fast, and your left hearbroken feeling like crap while there out there kissing and making out with a new guy.

[justaman99]

"I wasn't needy,"

 

Ummm. I hate to give it to ya straight but all of your actions say that you are. Let's break it down.

 

It started Friday at 11:59pm, I sent her a text message that read 120603143 Which was the day me and my ex met and 143 for I love you.

 

Needy

 

I got a frame put a bunch of rose petals in it, and wrote her a poem. Drove to her house at 11:15pm

 

Needy

 

so I sent her a text 2 hours ago saying " No pressure, But can we talk please?"

 

Needy Needy Needy

 

waited anhour, got no response, then I calld, she didn't answer, I left a message.

 

Oh boy

 

told her that I apologize for the poem situation, it didn't go as planned, I also told her I loved her

 

Ugh it doesn't stop does it?

 

that I was gonna be home to talk if she wanted tonight.

 

Needy! Man please stop! I know you're young so you have an excuse.

 

Called back 10 minutes later and up until now her phone is off!

 

I would have done the same.

 

kept saying she was gonna hang up, but I'd say please don't and she didn't

 

Ugh.....

 

I hate to be so brief but has your sister mentioned anything about me to you?"

 

You wrote her sister an email and asked this? YOU HAVE TO GET A GRIP MAN!

 

It's time to keep the mouth shut and the emotions in control. Ler her call you and if not so be it. You have to respect her and leave her alone. In your next relationship take it easy.

 

-Just

[californiadreaming]

Ummm. I hate to give it to ya straight but all of your actions say that you are. Let's break it down.

 

 

 

Needy

 

 

 

Needy

 

 

 

Needy Needy Needy

 

 

 

Oh boy

 

 

 

Ugh it doesn't stop does it?

 

 

 

Needy! Man please stop! I know you're young so you have an excuse.

 

 

 

I would have done the same.

 

 

 

Ugh.....

 

 

 

You wrote her sister an email and asked this? YOU HAVE TO GET A GRIP MAN!

 

It's time to keep the mouth shut and the emotions in control. Ler her call you and if not so be it. You have to respect her and leave her alone. In your next relationship take it easy.

 

-Just

 

Well, now that you put it out like that it makes sense. But, maybe it is because this is my first time experiencing this. I honestly have never felt this weird before, and I guess what tops it off is the fact that I have 24hrs a day to think about it all.

 

I will just have to keep busy, and let her call me. Simple as that. I am hurt, and I am sure I will cry lots but I have come to realize that there is nothing that I can do but wait it out. F'n hurts like he**!

[Dmoney28]

Californiadreaming..i read your post and responded to them. Please read my post very carefully. I was in your same exact situation 4 months ago to this day. My GF dumped me after i cheated on her with a one night stand. I feel your pain. I know the sleepless nights, i know the loss of appetite, i know of the constant crying, i know of the deep stabbing pain in your heart.....But remember this. No matter how bad you feel,your ex is hurting way worse. More than you can imagine. So i'm not going to sugar coat my post at all....you need to read this. First off....whatever you think the "right" thing to do for her is wrong. The poem, the calls, the txt and comming over to her place....BAD..VERY, VERY BAD. thats the worst thing to do. You need to be a ghost right now. You are acting out of pain...out of hurt. And your actions clearly display this.

 

1. she is furious with you ( you betrayed her trust and took advantage of her)

2. she needs time and space to process her emotions, she is hurt, confused and dissapointed in you. and right now she dosent respect you.

3. When you do things like contact her and try and stay in her life. You are not repsecting her. You are telling her "i dont respect your descion and i dont repect your feelings.

4. You are comming off needy and desperate

5. Her father and the family feel the same way. You hurt thier daughter for so long...and you had the balls to stop by, and give her a poem.

 

Right now you need to stop everything. When you give her gifts and poems...they mean nothing to her. When you say "i love you", she dosent believe you. She's thinking " how could he love me and hurt me so bad". There are 5 stages of grief after a LTR breakup. Denial, anger, deppression, bargaining and acceptance. You have to work through the first 4...thats just how it goes. It will be better as the weeks and months go by. I promise you.

 

She needs time alone, with NC from you. Absoluty no contact. No txt, no call, no e-mail, no smoke signal... not even carrier pigeon. The more you beg, plead and contact her...you are hurting your cause. People hate pressure. The more you try and force someone, the more they retaliate. You push them...they pull away. You push too hard, and they might pull away for good. There is no way to get her BACK if you never let GO. How can she notice your abscence when you are constantly trying to stay in her life. Once again , the best thing for you to do, is nothing. Whatever your heart tells you to do...do not listen.

 

I say this not to make you feel bad...but because i have been there..hell, i'm still there. But im in contact with her 3-4 times a week. It went from her telling me we can never talk again, we need to move on(month 1)....to talking several times a week as best friends(4 months later). It takes time...alot of time. And alot of hard work. And i'm no where close to being forgiven...let alone her thinking about giving me another chance. This kind pain dosent go away easy or quickly. She will never forget what i did...but she's trying to forgive.

 

Here is how i started if you care to know.....

> I stop begging and pleading after month one. I made all the mistakes you made. I even apologized to her family and friends. Then mailed her a letter apoloizing for my actions. I told her i respect her feelings, and im going to get help, and i would leave her alone to heal

 

> I allowed myself to grieve. I never knew emotional pain like this was possible. After drinking myself to sleep for a week, I knew this course was going nowhere. I had to do something...I had to back my words with actions. I stopped smoking, drinking and cut of 90% of my druggy "friends"( a bunch losers who made my life situation worse). I made retribution by using my unemployment check to pay her back money i borrowed. I began seeing a psychologist twice a month. I went to counselling. I started to go to church. I read every forum on how to "restore" trust. I bought several books. "The 5 languages of love", "The 5 languages of apology", "Betrayal and Relationship ", "The key to communication" and "Awakening the giant within". I'm laid off like you. So i had alot time to read.

 

>But the strangest thing happened. As the more i read...them more i became "self aware" as one poster but it. I began to see the urgency of changing my actions for ME. My behaviour and attitude through the last year of the relationship was making me angry and selfish. It made me disrespect my self...and ultimatly her. If i didnt change my attitude and my actions....they would have continued into every relationship i would be in. From that day til now...i make a constant effort to become a better person, to make me happy. If i cant make myself happy...how can i make anyone else?

 

>after 6 days of NC, she sends me a txt at 12:00am, "you ok". Later that day i sat through a very angry, Hour long phone call. I tried to explain why i cheated. I expressed how sorry i was for what i did. I assured her it wasnt her fault. And guess what...she didnt believe me...how could she. These changes i made were only a month of "progress".. Her feelings were justified. These conversations went on weekly for 2.5 months. She was on a emotional rollercoaster. One day were ok...the next day she was pissed. She was going through her 5 stages of grief. But each month it was easier to talk. Each month i took every oppurnunity to show respect, remorse and help build back her selfesteem and trust. Each month the anger was less and less. Its still there of course....trust me. Even now and then she'll drop a guilty comment to express her anger. But not nearly as many when we first start talking. But there was still love between us. If there wasnt, she wouldnt have contacted me. She might have slashed my tires, broke my windows or had one of her scilian uncles kick my @$$...but she didnt.

 

From all this I learned that guilt and remorse are two diffrent things. Guilt, if held too long is selfish.Take ME back....please forgive ME...stop ME from hurting....Remorse is selfless. How can YOU feel better. What do You need to get through this. I'll back off to help YOU get better. Over the months she began seeing slight changes in me. The way i spoke, my general attitude actually showed a small change. 1 cor 13:4-7 "love is not selfish, dosent look out for its own intrest...it is longsuffering, it is patient and it endures all things. That verse help me manifest my love for her...and myself. At this point i'm starting to move towards accpetance. I know she most likely wont take me back. But i'm finally starting to accept that( it is still hard). Every day between NC gets easier and easier. We agreed to take a month of NC...and she broke it 4 days in ( but thats another story). She contacts me....i dont contact her (sometime i dont want her to call...it does kinda set you back a day or so). Now i'm at the point where my needs and life come before the desire to get back with her. I have many many months to go for my changes to stick. I have no idea where this road will take me. Only time will tell. Time is the only thing that can help this kind of situation. This a LONG and legnthy process to both recovery and possible reconciliation. Hell, it could be a year. All i know, is i'm finally starting to be happy with myself, and making these changes permanent. During this time if we go our seperate ways...so be it. I'll be prepared to handle my next relationship with a greater appretitation and respect.

 

Cali....bro, i hope you get through this ok. I know this sucks. I aint going to lie..it will suck for a while. But it will get better, if you want it to. Good luck with the job search..im right there with you in the trenches. This economy is horrible. Stay strong and try and improve yourself first above everything else.

 

sorry for the long post. Thought i share it with you. Just my 2 cents

[IcemanJB]

Well, now that you put it out like that it makes sense. But, maybe it is because this is my first time experiencing this. I honestly have never felt this weird before, and I guess what tops it off is the fact that I have 24hrs a day to think about it all.

 

I will just have to keep busy, and let her call me. Simple as that. I am hurt, and I am sure I will cry lots but I have come to realize that there is nothing that I can do but wait it out. F'n hurts like he**!

 

I would suggest not just waiting around for her to call. You will go crazy. Hang out with friends and family, but don't talk about her. The more you talk/think about her, the more it will suck.

 

I'm going through my first really painful breakup as well. Just earlier today, my roommate said something that reminded me of a funny story involving my ex, so I told him it without really thinking about it. A couple hours later I about lost it! I'm on day 14 of NC too...cept I had to tell her to stop contacting me; I mean she dumped me!!!. Hardest thing I've done in my life. Every day gets a little easier though. I'm at the point where my strong urges to contact her are gone, and I'm beginning to really better myself a lot.

 

It SUCKS, I know. But even though I think you should not have involved her sister (FYI my sister is best friends with my ex and luckily hasn't gotten involved), she did say something you should take to heart: "You need to be a strong man." This means LEAVING HER ALONE. She dumped you, the ball is in her court which means you need to back the hell off.

[Dmoney28]

hey iceman...14 days NC, good job man. I was almost 7 day..til she called, lol, oh well. Day 0 and counting

 

Closure by chevelle...great song to listen to btw

[IcemanJB]

hey iceman...14 days NC, good job man. I was almost 7 day..til she called, lol, oh well. Day 0 and counting

 

Closure by chevelle...great song to listen to btw

 

Thanks! Well are you used to starting from day 0 yet?

 

I LOVE that song btw. I used to be really into Chevelle.

[Dmoney28]

lol, yeah day 0 dosent sting as much as it use to. 1 day later and i'm back on track. Its wierd, i feel better when she dosent contact me anymore. The more day between NC, i kinda grow more indiffrent to the pain. Almost like break-up methodone. By day 6 its like "i hope she dosent contact me". But when we talk, i let her do all the talking.

[californiadreaming]

DMoney I have read all of your postings and you have been so on point with it all. It is weird because deep in my heart I know that I have to just let her be. All last week, I let her be, and I was fine. But that is what I have been use to for a year is not seeing her all week, because she works and goes to school.

 

By the weekend I was a wreck. Today, I feel at ease some what, but the pain is still so hard right now. The thing that sucks is, the fact that even if she came back in the future, I have come to realize that I would be scared to let her back in, because I do not want to go through this again. To be quite honest, I am very scared to love again because of this situation. I had a woman that would have taken the bullet for me. A woman who loved me to death, I had every mans dream. a sexy, loyal woman, with low mileage, career driven, independent, great in bed, and most of all my best friend. And I screwed it up. I don't feel like I will ever be able to trust a woman again, I can not feel this way again in life.

 

At the same time, I know she loves me, and rebuilding this is going to take time. But, she is going to need to know that if we try at this again, she has to be 100%. I can not go through this experience again. It has altered so much of my life. I know that I should be a strong man, but at this point it is hard. Majority of my friends are losers so I cut them off last year. I am not working. I have nothing, or no one, and she knew that when she did this.

 

idunno man, it all hurts. However, I honestly know that in order for her to want to even talk, I have to give her time, and that for me is going to be my start, straight NC, until she wants to talk. In the meantime I guess I need to continue to focus on bettering myself, and working on my website.

 

I thank DMoney though. You are a stand up dude, I can read these post, and apply them to my life. Most of them I decipher, and take what I need, but with DMoney I feel some genuine simularities, and I will take your advice. I will say that I feel that this woman is the woman for me, although I have thought about getting to know someone new, and living the single life, I am really at a point in life where I don't want that. I want family life, and I know she does too, I want it with her.

 

I wish she would have called me 6 days into it, but I guess I haven't given her time to really chill out. With our first date date coming up on the 18th, christmas, new years, and my bday jan. 11th all so close I feel that she will contact me by atleast my bday. One thing about my ex too, is she can hold a grudge. And when she is hurt, she won't talk to you, so with me knowing that, and remembering when we'd argue or I'd hurt her feelings, how I had to let her be for an hour or two before we could talk again. brings me to "okay, maybe if I leave her alone until she is ready like the old days" then things might move faster.

 

So, thats it.. as much as I want to contact her, I am not! it is official! I can be that strong. I mean in 2005 I got locked up for 3 months and couldn't talk to her, and I got through that with a breeze, it was all mind control. I can do this!

 

I just pray that we can work this out. I think that we will be able too. Just in time.

 

Thanks Guys!

[Dmoney28]

i think you and i have had such similar experience..its kinda scarry. My girl was a knock out...olives skinned sicilian woman, with a figure like a coke bottle. She was so kind and sweet. Sex was good...although she did stop wearing the high heel shoes to bed...was replaced with socks and a hair wrap( sorry i digress). Two months after the breakup, she said "i wouldnt never have left you, if wernt so black and white about the matter". She had a career going for her etc. We both finished school...and i was so gun ho in starting my career and life with her. But as the years went on, we became very codependent on each other. 2 years into, we were like symbiotic twins or something. She became almost like my mother...which was really weird( me and psychologist worked all this out). She cooked dinner, bought me clothes, did her best to take care of her man. And in turn, i became this slacker. You know that guy with the really hot girl...that guy who got laid off, and plays Xbox all day with his loser friends ( i became that @$$, and i didnt even realize it). Scarry huh. So in a way i kinda lost respect for her...then i went out and messed up because i was "bored". And im not going to lie...i was kinda a player before i met her. I thought i was done with that part of my life. But it came back 5 years later.

 

Now im paying for it. I didnt deserve her. Am i'm the only one to blame? No. she did enable me for the last year. She saw numbers in my cell, and my computer...but she didnt break-up with me...always cried and i would lie. Of course she didnt believe me...but she was afraid for me to leave. It was me who cheated..me..no one else. There was never a gun to my head. I made a choice..one that will scar me form now til i die. This is why i urge you to get through this anger stage ASAP. It will come back..but gets easier to handle. It sounds like you're cycling between Anger and depression...denial was when you tried to drop off that poem and stay in contact( buts its ok, we all do it..just cut it out, lol). But honestly i say Anger...because it sounds like you're trying to shift blame to her.

[Dmoney28]

ok, sorry part 2..i hit the wrong key and it sent the post. Anyway...it kinda sounds like yur trying to blame her.

 

At the same time, I know she loves me, and rebuilding this is going to take time. But, she is going to need to know that if we try at this again, she has to be 100%. I can not go through this experience again. It has altered so much of my life. I know that I should be a strong man, but at this point it is hard. Majority of my friends are losers so I cut them off last year. I am not working. I have nothing, or no one, and she knew that when she did this.

 

i see alot I's in there. I understand you cant go through this experience again....but i'm damn well she dosent. thats why she is afraid to trust you again. And she dosent really have to do a damn thing...she broke up with you and she is not calling you. She dosent owe you jack ****. IF is a funny word..it almost implies hope......King philip of macendonia sent the spartans a letter..."IF i come to sparta, i will burn it to the ground".....they simply replied "IF"..... You have zero power in this situation with her...zero...none, zilch, nada. That IF as of right now....holds 0 weight.

 

The only power you have is over yourself. The power to get through this pain, starting NC, and trying to see a couseller. Cousellors help...alot. If you she contacts you, let her know you're seeking help. And i know reading is the last thing you want to do rigth now. But man...you have to read some relationship and self improvment books. I swear by them. You have to get rid of that guilt. What you did in the past...is over. You cant change what you did..no one can. She knows this as well. All you can do is make sure it dosent happnen again. All you can do is start changing who you were...to who you want to be. YOU have to use this wake up call to get your mind right

( self awareness)...to get your spirit right. I'm not sure if you are religeous.......The apostle paul said "keep strpping off that old personality, and keep putting on a new one".....stripping....keep. to continue taking actions. It takes effort, but its worth it. In 3 months you would have a complete diffrent out look and attitude. I'm living proof. Does it still sting form time to time....hell yeah. Do i still get hit with phantom tears..hell yeah. I cried watching the punisher....because i missed her. Lame huh.

 

The sooner you accept responsibitly, and see where you screwed up at...the sooner you will recover. The sooner you make positive changes, the better chance you have at possibly working for a friendship with her. Because she dosent owe you a second chance..third , forth or whatever. When i was in the anger stage i was like "Dammit, if she loves ME, why dosent she try and make this work....."Why is she making ME suffer like this". Dosent that sound selfish....dosent that sound needy. Because it is. Let go of that guilt...forgive yourself...Start making changes...show her some true remorse by helping her through this if she calls. At the very least this might show her you really do love her. I wish the best. Stay strong...fight those urges to call her. Be safe.

and remember.......The sun will come out...tomorro, betcha your bottom dollar, that tomorro, thier'll be sun......, just thinking about.... tomorro , clears all the cobwebs and the sorrow...til theres none. When your're stuck with a day , thats grey and lonely...i just stick out my chin and grin, and say......the sun will come out tomorro..HAHA:laugh:

[IcemanJB]

Dmoney and californiadreaming, simply by sharing your situations, you've not only helped each other, but helped me in subtle ways as well. Your decisions to do NC has reinforced my decision. It's about realizing that it's completely out of our hands. Call it an ego boost, but what I've learned about myself through my breakup is that I almost always do the right thing. I mean my friends and family have said that, but hearing it from non-biased strangers (ha) is huge. I'm working on getting my confidence back, and little things like this help so much. I can hardly go a half hour without thinking about her (hell I dreamed about her ALL of last night ), but I'm managing things much better. I'm starting to feel like I'll manage a future relationship or breakup so much better, be it with my ex or some other girl.

 

I'm also so thankful she is respectful enough to honor my request for NC even though I know it's hard for her too. I'm doing it for both of us.

 

Keep it up guys!

[Dmoney28]

thats whats so great about this forum, we share our experiences and troubles and learn from one another. I am greatful to have dialogue with aweome guys like you. My family was sick to death of hearing me go on and on and on about her. You are so right iceman....you learn so much about yourself after you go through this type of thing. My hat goes off to you for staying with NC. As time goes on your emotions are easier to control. But her being on your mind alot sucks. And the dreams hurt as well. I chose not to be sexually active until i got into another serious relationship...just let me say, when i have dreams about her..there not the G-rated kind

[IcemanJB]

My previous dreams about her were not G-rated ...but last night's was. I just remember us both being super happy and together and waking up was just awful.

 

I'm the same way Dmoney...I don't do the one night stand thing. Only when I'm in love with someone will I have sex with her. Sex just loses its meaning otherwise.

[Dmoney28]

just checking in with you cali. was wondering how you're holding up