Bells Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Okay, I'm confused, am I getting the "Being blown off/not into you" confused with, "They have a 'spur of the moment'" personality. You probably know them personally, and they have probably told you, "I'm just one of those people who can't plan things a head of time, I'm a 'spur of the moment' kind of guy/gal!" But is this really an excuse for them not being "into you"? With the Recent girl I've been seeing the past couple of times.....whenever I call to make plans with her, it can't be made too far ahead of time. Even Mid-week. Sometimes you won't know till the VERY last moment. It's always "Well, I might be doing this, I might be doing that with some friends" In fact, sometimes it won't be till the very last moment until she can get together. One time, I wrote her off because I thought she was one of those, "Will only go out with you if all her other plans fail that evening" Then I get a phone call or email saying, "Hey, how are ya!" And I was like "Um....yeah....and you're calling me...because?" (Well, more thinking it, but my tone was as such) I'm like "Why's she calling me, I thought she blew me off??" And apparently plans would fall through with her friends, and I'd be stuck with her. But...she's one of those "Spur of the Moment Girls" <shrug> Is that a good reason? Now she doesn't see friends often, so I think that's a valid excuse, since she's out of town during the week. Basically, only go out with you when they have nothing else better to do....makes ya feel real special, does it?? lol However, this is common among platonic friends and same-sex friends as well. So, "Spur of the Moment" valid personality trait or lame excuse to make her last choice of plans for a Sat night??
Author Bells Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 Okay, for some of those people that say, "She's not that into you....move on..." Okay, I did that....and she calls me to get together anyway....apparently SHE hasn't moved on.
shylight200 Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 I don't think she's that into you but at the same time, she wants you to be into her.
OpenBook Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Who cares whether she's into you or not?! The point is, it's a bad way to treat somebody, in any scenario. But you're letting her! If you don't want to be treated this way, then put your foot down. Tell her you have other plans when she calls you at the last minute. That's the advice we women give each other when a man acts like this. And what's good for the gander is just as good for the goose, I say!
IrishCarBomb Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Okay, I did that....and she calls me to get together anyway.... Do you go?
Author Bells Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 Do you go? Well, I was going to at an PUBLIC even with friends anyways, and I said you're welcome to come. I didn't think she was going to come....so I get this phone call, saying "Where are you?" I go out on the sidewalk to get a better signal, and I almost run into her. I still thought she was at her house.
Author Bells Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 I don't think she's that into you but at the same time, she wants you to be into her. Hm, heard of the first part....but that's a new spin...for the second part.
IrishCarBomb Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Sounds like you're her safety net. It's fine if you have zero interest in her romantically, and enjoy her company. Otherwise I'd either demand being put as a higher priority, or just end your association entirely. As for as "spur of the moment" goes... she doesn't sound like that. Sounds like pretext for "I will say I am spur of the moment so when a higher priority drops their plans with me, I am justified in making short-to-no-notice plans with you."
Toasted Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I know exactly how you feel, went through the same thing. On again/off again. Basically it comes down to how much you value yourself (thats the way I finally looked at it). Everytime she calls last minute and you jump to be with her (whether you had plans or not) - your re-enforcing to her that her time is more valuble than yours. I think the 'Spur of the moment' personality is just a cop out. If she can make plans with her friends ahead of time she can do the same for you! Even so, do you really want to be with someone you can't really count on? Ugh - Its frustrating - I know - I finally couldn't take it anymore. But what I found is that there are plenty of great people out there willing to take time to plan to get to know someone! lol I would tell her you already have plans next time she calls. Even if your plan is to stay home and read a book - thats what you tell her. Then let her know what day you can see her. When she pulls he old 'well, I might be doing 'XYZ' with my friends, tell her 'thats ok, give me a call next week then.' And leave it at that!!! No matter what!!! Keep it up until she can commit to a date and stick with it. Try to look at it like a win-win situation. If she doesn't call, you learned how to lose a flake quickly before they did too much damage. If she changes her tune then you got the girl and she knows upfront how you want to be treated. Either way you get to hold your head up high!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Yeah, you need to cut these people loose. They are not respecting your time. I mean, now and then ok, but all the time? Then when you jump at the option to be with her, she will lose a little respect for you. If you are like, well, Sandy, I already have plans for tonight, so maybe next time. Gives them a message.
Star Gazer Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 sounds like you're her safety net. It's fine if you have zero interest in her romantically, and enjoy her company. Otherwise i'd either demand being put as a higher priority, or just end your association entirely. As for as "spur of the moment" goes... She doesn't sound like that. Sounds like pretext for "i will say i am spur of the moment so when a higher priority drops their plans with me, i am justified in making short-to-no-notice plans with you." ding ding ding!!!
LoveLace Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Spur of the moment can occasionally be acceptable in any type of relationship, but to always be that way, or to have a "rule" of sorts that it's always that way, isn't floating your boat. Cut her off completely. And if she wants to know why, you have the option to say, "I just don't feel a connection with you because I'm a guy that needs to make plans ahead of time and you are the opposite."
berrieh Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I'm a spur of the moment person, but if I like a guy, I tend to make plans with him. I do have trouble planning more than a few days in advance, unless it's a particular occasion. But that girl sounds disrespectful in her spur-of-the-momentness, and I'd agree you're more her fallback.
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