A New Man Who's Married and a MM Who's Jealous....Let Me Off This Ride!

[KATANYA]

Sorry if this rambles but I have to vent!!!

 

Well this has completely shocked me. I began just recently a relationship with a man I thought may be the PERFECT man for me. He is smart, funny, independent, and BEST OF ALL ...separated and working on his divorce!.........YEAH RIGHT!! Coincidentally, my MM of over 3 years has just gotten past the whole concept that I may actually have someone else in my life after the meltdown of the century........

 

Well, guess what! I just got off the phone from my new man's WIFE! Yep, it seems she did not like the text she found on his phone and he 'confessed' everything .... NOT! He called first and kept repeating "I'm here with my wife and she found a text from you and I had to tell her about the ONE night!" He must have said that five times so I gathered that was my cue that we were together only one time. She was screaming in the background that she wanted to talk and proceeded to take the phone and said the following:

 

*What was I thinking chasing a married man. He has a children and he has her and I am nothing

*She hoped the one night was good and was worth it

*I was not a threat to her or her marriage and I had better stop chasing her husband and stay away from him

 

He was in the background saying that's enough give me the phone. I told her the following:

 

*I have no interest in your husband and I am not intending to be a problem

*I want nothing to do with him

*I do not want to speak with him again (in response to him saying give me the phone).

 

So isnt this bizarre....I finally find a man I think I can have a real relationship with and finally put my MM behind me and who is pretty much perfect in every way and, low and behold, I walk right into an A with a Married Man without even knowing it!.......THIS TIME I TRULY GIVE UP.

 

So...bottom line....I obviously won't have to worry about him calling since I think he is probably in the process of being castrated as we speak:o...and I cannot believe that in may attempt to move past an A I walked right into another one!

 

Any thoughts or insite on how this will play out. I think he would be a fool to try to contact me yet I wish he would - if she left anything I want a go at him! Funny, usually its the MM that loses everything and yet it appears I have lost my OM and OOM in my attempt just to have a 'normal' relationship. WOW.

[OWoman]

Oh Kat I am sorry to hear that!

 

I began just recently a relationship with a man I thought may be the PERFECT man for me. He is smart, funny, independent, and BEST OF ALL ...separated and working on his divorce!.........

 

 

I guess that's why so many of the people here warn to wait until the ink is dry...

 

This must be really horrid for you. (((((hugs)))))

[KATANYA]

Yes....so true. He lives in my town (has his own place and is settled here) whilst his 'family' lives some 2 hrs away. His rationale for going home each weekend was to visit his children, coach his son's soccer team, etc. He was trying to keep an 'amicable' relationship with his supposed soon to be ex-wife...I guess they succeeded there cause she didnt even know they were separated!

 

As much as I want to be devastated I find this whole situation soo ridiculously insane....so many things about it are so stupid!

 

*Why did I not see through this from the beginning having been in an A for over 3 years already?

*Why does the W want so badly to believe that I 'chased' her husband when he all but fell (and very lovingly so I might add) into my lap...I didn't need to chase him at all! In his words, he knew I was 'the one' from the moment he laid eyes on me! WOW.

*Why do I feel so compelled to kick his a$$ and hers...him for being a jerk and her for just being stupid!

 

I am disgusted by so many things in this whole mess!

[You'reasian]

Yes....so true. He lives in my town (has his own place and is settled here) whilst his 'family' lives some 2 hrs away. His rationale for going home each weekend was to visit his children, coach his son's soccer team, etc. He was trying to keep an 'amicable' relationship with his supposed soon to be ex-wife...I guess they succeeded there cause she didnt even know they were separated!

 

As much as I want to be devastated I find this whole situation soo ridiculously insane....so many things about it are so stupid!

 

*Why did I not see through this from the beginning having been in an A for over 3 years already?

*Why does the W want so badly to believe that I 'chased' her husband when he all but fell (and very lovingly so I might add) into my lap...I didn't need to chase him at all! In his words, he knew I was 'the one' from the moment he laid eyes on me! WOW.

*Why do I feel so compelled to kick his a$$ and hers...him for being a jerk and her for just being stupid!

 

I am disgusted by so many things in this whole mess!

 

Sounds like a psycho ex to me.

[Adunaphel]

Ouch...I am sorry that you had such an unpleasant surprise.

 

...didn't you tell the W that he told you he was separating?

[KATANYA]

Actually she did not give me a lot of time to say much at all..... in hindsite there are a number of things that I could have said and wished I had of.

 

The only thing I did say when she said "well, I hope that ONE night was good...I hope it was worth it!" I was so p*ssed that I just said "Well, no, it really wasn't that great!!"... probably shouldn't have said that but oh well!

[bentnotbroken]

Ink should be try and the document showing signs of age. Yellowing around the edges or the smell of mold and mildew.

[norajane]

*Why did I not see through this from the beginning having been in an A for over 3 years already?

*Why does the W want so badly to believe that I 'chased' her husband when he all but fell (and very lovingly so I might add) into my lap...I didn't need to chase him at all! In his words, he knew I was 'the one' from the moment he laid eyes on me! WOW.

*Why do I feel so compelled to kick his a$$ and hers...him for being a jerk and her for just being stupid!

 

The answers are all related to him: he's a practiced liar, and, apparently, a very good one because he fooled you both.

 

She still believes him because she only has his version of the story. And I'm sure he made it quite the tall tale.

 

Why didn't you tell her it was more than one night? Why did you let him get away with that lie? She was justifiably angry with him, and I'm sure he told her all kinds of lies about your affair, and you corroborated the lies by saying it was only one night. So, she still is only getting his version of the truth, without even anything you might have told her to sow some doubt about her ass of a husband.

 

It would have SO pissed me off that he was in the background yelling about the ONE night - so you'd know what lie to tell her so she would STILL be in the dark about him. I'd have told her everything.

[KATANYA]

NoraJean I've been sitting here wishing I would have..believe me. If I wasn't so shocked myself I could have told her very specific details that would have left no doubt that is was more than one night.... him bringing my children treats, cooking a wonderful meal for me that is supposedly his 'signature dish' so I'm sure she's had it a few times, .... Its so funny but for the first time I understand why OW want to tell the BS. I was an OW for over 3 years and even at the lowest points of our relationship never once felt the need to destroy the BS with the 'truth'. In this case, I feel that telling the BS is the only way to expose the 'truth' not about me or her but about him. I know enough, however, to know the BS will take back and keep her piece of garbage husband. Sad thing is that's what resonates in my head...her saying " what were you thinking going after a married man. He has children and he has me. He doesn't need you." LMAO, I'm sorry but I didn't accidentally bump into him and fall on his penis!!! He was very much an active participant in the entire relationship so obviously whatever he 'has' is not enough! Its the concept that she truly believes her husband was chased and cohersed into a one night stand that I find amazing!

 

Its unfortunate that we travel in a similar circle and I have a feeling this will be 'out there' more than I would like. I will have to deal with it but other than him and her I don't feel that I have anything to justify to anyone! I am the single one here and I certainly (at least in this relationship) did nothing to pursue this married man.

[wildsoul]

Wowza.

Yanno, in another recent thread I said that I don't think revenge is a reason to tell the BS. I'm recanting that! *shakes her head* I can't believe that clown tried to get you to collude in his lie right to her face!

 

Have you heard that all important committments will be tested? Well, you passed (and must be pissed off, too.)

 

What do you think about dating a separated person again? Is it a do or a don't for you now?

[KATANYA]

Right now dating PERIOD is a DONT! LOL.

 

No I will not date a separated person and I am so sick of married men that I am sure there will be no more of those.

 

The sad thing is, as I sit here thinking about everything it just re-confirms my longstanding views in general about men and commitment..... I just do not believe there are many (if any) men that wouldn't cheat, wouldn't find an excuse for it when caught, and wouldn't do it again in a heartbeat if they could.... Hoping there is one out there who will prove me wrong but its trusting him enough to find out and after what I've seen that will be a tall order (somewhat jaded here!).

[wildsoul]

Right now dating PERIOD is a DONT! LOL.

Careful, girl. THAT attitude (not interested) might start attracting all kinds of Mr. Unavailables!

 

LOL...that reminds me of a funny party conversation I had with a woman recently. She wanted to break up with her boyfriend. But she knew if she acted disinterested, he'd take that as a challenge. So her game plan was to start acting all needy and talking about needing a committment! Man-repellant!

[noforgiveness]

You have to take a hard look at yourself and see what kind of message you put off to men that the married ones think it's ok to make you a sidepiece.

[frannie]

His rationale for going home each weekend was to visit his children, coach his son's soccer team, etc. He was trying to keep an 'amicable' relationship with his supposed soon to be ex-wife...I guess they succeeded there cause she didnt even know they were separated!

 

As much as I want to be devastated I find this whole situation soo ridiculously insane.

 

KATANYA I know this must have shaken you up and everything but the way you write about it is so funny

 

If it were me I'd be providing her with plenty of evidence that it wasn't just the one night. He sounds like a prize pillock and deserves it

[schewter]

''I just do not believe there are many (if any) men that wouldn't cheat, wouldn't find an excuse for it when caught, and wouldn't do it again in a heartbeat if they could''

 

I have not...do not...and will not cheat...so you know there's at least one. You tell the story so well...I bet he has done this before and his wife damn well knows it. They remind me of a couple from my home-town...call them Sid & Nancy...Sid will sleep with anyone and when Nancy finds out about it it's always "the sluts fault` I think there are two types of people...those who lie to keep what they have and those who believe the lies they`re told to keep what they have. Good luck...keep your sense of humor.

[Meaplus3]

Gosh, I'm really sorry to hear about this you poor thing. As to how it will play out? Well, First off I'm pretty sure this mm is now in the dog house at home and probably will remain there for some time. IMO, I don't think you will have to worry about him contacting you again. Just try and forget about him and move forward with your life. Good luck.

 

AP:)

[porter218]

*Why did I not see through this from the beginning having been in an A for over 3 years already?

*Why does the W want so badly to believe that I 'chased' her husband when he all but fell (and very lovingly so I might add) into my lap...I didn't need to chase him at all! In his words, he knew I was 'the one' from the moment he laid eyes on me! WOW.

*Why do I feel so compelled to kick his a$$ and hers...him for being a jerk and her for just being stupid!

 

!

She believes this because he told her this as convincingly as possible.

[Angel1111]

My xMM's wife suspected that he and I were having an affair but as far as I know, she never knew for sure. Now I'm not sure how she could avoid knowing this because there was a LOT of evidence in front of her, but she somehow managed to ignore the signs. Her husband was so obvious about being around me at a party once that she was furious. No matter where I was, he would find me. And I know she saw all of this because I saw her watching him. He even made it a point to introduce me to his parents. And he insisted that he drive me back to my hotel. At that point, she had murder in her eyes. But later I heard that she told people that I was the one who had chased her husband. It was so ridiculous, it made me laugh. She had no idea how relentlessly he chased me for 6 mos even before that party. So it's not always the husband who's lying to his wife. Sometimes they don't even believe what's right in front of their eyes. It's called 'total and complete denial'.

 

I have the same problem with married men chasing me. I have no idea what that's about. One MM kissed me on the mouth and his wife was standing right next to him. She wasn't paying attention but it just floored me that he did that. I had known him for a couple of years and had no idea he would do that.

 

And, like you, because of what I've seen and what I know a lot of MM do behind the scenes, it has caused me to be very cautious and distrusting of men in general. I'm sorry this happened to you but you don't need either of those men in your life. If you OM is that jealous, he can leave his marriage. The OOM crossed over into the unforgivable zone when he decided to lie. But I do think you'll be hearing from him - so be prepared for that.

[NoIDidn't]

Good grief, K. I feel you. I have a similar situation but not with a MM. I apparently pick overly religious, lousy friends IRL.

 

Let's start a "Never Again" group. LOL.

 

I hope you read him the riot act if he bothers you ever again. And definitely tell his W the truth so she can pound him with her purse (she sounds animated, lol).

 

At least you still have your sense of humor.

[awkward]

My guess on how it will play out.

 

He will lay low for awhile until he can do a better job of hiding his cheating and continue to reassure his wife that you were a one night stand that meant nothing, etc. Then he will contact you and tell you how crazy his wife is and that they really were/are separated. He doesn't want to hurt his kids and has to be gentle with his wife because she has some type of *insert event here* and it's not the best time to put the ink on the paper but know that he loves you and will be with you after *insert significant deadline*. Only you've been there and done that so you will probably tell him to go where the sun doesn't shine.

 

Then he will find someone else to satisfy his needs. Eventually his wife will find out again. He will lie to the OW and to his wife. Probably go do a little counseling and then become better at hiding. Rinse, lather, and repeat. Then one day his wife will be fed up and show him the door. He will probably use that time to work on his issues and then meet a nice new woman and settle down.

 

I am just happy that you're not going to be on this trainwreck. Good for you for seeing what he is early on before you got hurt again. It is probably better to date someone that is single although that doesn't necessarily mean things will be rosy. But someone who is separated is still married and until they divorce it would be better to just say No thank you.

[White Flower]

Ink should be try and the document showing signs of age. Yellowing around the edges or the smell of mold and mildew.

I just love you Bent! And miss you too;)

 

Katanya, Katanya, Katanya. What a year you've had! My prayers have been with you and continue, especially after reading this thread.

 

Does the first MM know about the 2nd MM? If so, GOOD!:laugh: Let him chew on that for a while.

 

How are you feeling?

 

Now on to your question. I'm not so sure there is a big coincidence here. I don't believe you are a MM magnet. I just happen to believe that with 75% of all married men admitting to cheating that there are so many of them and lucky you met two in a row. I do feel for you though, and hope that you are laughing at least in the corner of your mind if not out loud.

 

Did you really say the one night was not so great? Ha! He'll either stay home with his tail between his legs or try to come back and prove himself to you one last time. And you know his W is going to praise him up and down for his sexual prowesse from now on which is only natural when competition comes in to play. Can't blame her; BTDT.

 

I know a MM who used a similar tactic with an exOW. His line was that lawyers had been consulted, wife was more serious than he (which makes him blameless and her the bad guy) and the D was inevitable. The OW fell for it hook, line, and sinker and to this day makes threats to confront the W because she felt duped. My point is, MM will say anything to appear free to the OW. I'm so sorry this happened to you again. Keep your chin up sweetie. Third time must be a charm!

[carhill]

Ink should be try and the document showing signs of age. Yellowing around the edges or the smell of mold and mildew.

And verified with the clerk of the court of record