so gutted Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 I went for an intial coffee date with a very blind date - set up via an old work colleague (not online). This was probably a mistake. He was nice enough. Probably what i had described I wanted. However, there was no spark. Nothing. When I got home, he texted me to say he would like to meet again, it was coold if i didnt feel the same way though. For some reason I texted back and said - yes and that I would confirm tommorow (Mon). I dont want another date. We have little in common apart from the mutual friend. I dont want to go just for a free meal. I am not sure how to voice this? Please help - I aim to do this by text tonight and i dont want to get the friend involved.
berrieh Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Why did you accept? If you want out of the date, just let him know that something has come up for now. This can be via text, if you wish. In a few days, then I'd give him an actual call and voice the fact that you don't think y'all should see each other. He deserves that courteousy, since you accepted a date you had no plans to honor.
Author so gutted Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 I think I accepted it because I was trying to tell myself that something may grow...and how do I know if i dont try.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 I would back out and be honest: "I didn't feel any chemistry with you."
xpaperxcutx Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Tell him via text other plans suddenly came up and you can't keep your appointment with him. Be ambiguous about it if you want, but not enough as to write him completely. At least he deserves an explanation about why you're avoiding him.
Author so gutted Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 I was going to say: "Hey - if its ok with you - i would prefer not to meet again, it was nice meeting you but I dont think we have much in common apart from [name of the mutual friend]. Hope that is ok" What do you think ?
Isolde Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 I was going to say: "Hey - if its ok with you - i would prefer not to meet again, it was nice meeting you but I dont think we have much in common apart from [name of the mutual friend]. Hope that is ok" What do you think ? I wouldn't say that. I'd just either tell him you're busy indefinitely, and he might get the picture, or tell him there was no spark but don't say that "I don't think we have much in common apart from X," that's unnecessary IMO.
Geishawhelk Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 I was going to say: "Hey - if its ok with you - i would prefer not to meet again, it was nice meeting you but I dont think we have much in common apart from [name of the mutual friend]. Hope that is ok" What do you think ? "Hello, I do hope I don't offend you, but I 'm not sure it would help to meet again. It was very nice meeting you but I dont feel we have much in common. I hope you're not hurt or disappointed." sounds mildly better to me if I were receiving it.....
Lishy Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Send him a text saying "Hiya, I cant make next week as I am in hospital to have my second scan, they think it is triplets, I will call you when I am free and the morning sickness goes" That should do it
xpaperxcutx Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Send him a text saying "Hiya, I cant make next week as I am in hospital to have my second scan, they think it is triplets, I will call you when I am free and the morning sickness goes" That should do it lmao lishy...
IrishCarBomb Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Tell him you'd love to make it, but you're having a major herpes outbreak and you aren't ovulating... so there's really no point.
Lishy Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Tell him you'd love to make it, but you're having a major herpes outbreak and you aren't ovulating... so there's really no point. LMAOOOOOOOOOO Or say that you had had to so back to rehab as you always go back on the crack when you meet a nice guy
Star Gazer Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Okay, in all seriousness... I find the best excuse is that you just "took it up a level" with someone you've been casually dating and don't feel it is fair to see him (1st date guy) to lead him to think you have any chance of a future.
You'reasian Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 I was going to say: "Hey - if its ok with you - i would prefer not to meet again, it was nice meeting you but I dont think we have much in common apart from [name of the mutual friend]. Hope that is ok" What do you think ? Sounds good. Don't ask for approval. Just state that it was cool meeting him, that you're seeing what's out there right now and if your feelings change, you'll let him know. If he doesn't respond to the soft landing, just tell him that you've decided to see someone else. Do you know his intentions? Are you absolutely certain that he wants to date you - instead of just being friends?
sid3 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I think you should go. You say you excepted because something may grow and you don't know if you don't try. At least if you go you'll know for sure, and even if you are sure already, maybe it would be easier to get out of further meetings in person. IDK, just seems like there are more softer possibilities in person. Or don't go amd send a text if that works for you.
Vertex Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Normally you shouldn't accept a date if you know for a fact you're not going to pursue anything with them in that way Although, you never know -- you may get a better impression on a second date. However, if you're absolutely positive that this isn't going anywhere, I wouldn't start out with a lie or anything -- just keep it simple. I'd agree with: "Hello, I do hope I don't offend you, but I'm not sure it would help to meet again. It was very nice meeting you but I don't feel we have much in common. I hope you're not hurt or disappointed." Seems like a very honest way of letting someone off without coming across as offensive. If he doesn't accept it, then I might just resort to the "I'm seeing someone else" statement as last resort. Normally those kind of "canned excuses" aren't really good for "initial excuses" but rather "secret weapons when they just don't take no for an answer."
Author so gutted Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 I did it! He was ok with it - said good luck etc. Im so glad i have finally broken the habit. I havnt wasted time pusring a dead end which is what I normally do , and then antagonize over it and then tell them to get lost. If there is no speak - no sense in wasting time.
Lishy Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 How did you tell him? Did you mention the triplets lol
D-Jam Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I think since you accepted, you should go. Give it one last shot. If you come home and still feel absolutely nothing, then you can reject him when he asks you out again with a clear conscience. Biggest problem with too many men and women is they expect sparks and fireworks to happen quickly. Often times though they could be doing much to sabotage even that from happening. Maybe holding on to an ex in their hearts, or fearful of getting close, or even an unrealistic standard in their mind of the ideal mate. That or they put so much pressure on themselves for there to be initial sparks that they can't feel that way with anyone. Not saying this is you so gutted...but I think since you said yes to a second date you obligated yourself. To back out now for the reasons you have makes you no better than all the other little girls out there who make soft plans because they are too cowardly to say "no" and then flake out on the guy. Lord knows I've been that guy too many times...and Bells certainly shares my experiences in his own neck of the woods. If 2nd date still leaves you feeling the same, then just be honest and polite when he tries for a 3rd. If he can't take it then that's his problem.
Lishy Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 She just told him she wont be seeing him again! You advice was like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted lol
D-Jam Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 She just told him she wont be seeing him again! You advice was like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted lol Sowee...didn't read all the replies. I still think though women should obligate themselves to go on said dates with men when they agree to. Make it that their only way to not date guys they aren't interested in is to just say "NO". I don't care how many little boys get all insecure and blow up...real men can easily handle a "no" far better than an acceptance and then flake-out or something.
gnatalie Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 If there is no chemistry then don't force it. I think you have to tell the truth or you can tell a white lie: you're seeing someone else, or you've decided that you don't want to date anyone just now.
Trialbyfire Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Sowee...didn't read all the replies. I still think though women should obligate themselves to go on said dates with men when they agree to. Make it that their only way to not date guys they aren't interested in is to just say "NO". I don't care how many little boys get all insecure and blow up...real men can easily handle a "no" far better than an acceptance and then flake-out or something. Did you notice that she gave herself an out, when she accepted his second date request? While I agree that women should just say no, the first time around, at least she said that she would confirm by today.
Lishy Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Na I dont agree, she agreed cos she didnt know how to say no in a nice way and then realised she def did not wanna see the dude again The worst thing she could have done was go on the date out of obligation We are not obligated to anyone, let alone some dude we have just met!
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