r0xigirll991 Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 My boyfriend and I had been dating for 8 months when he broke it off 4 days ago. I can tell you I have never felt so much emotion and physical pain in my entire life!! I love him so much and would do anything for him.. He told me that the attraction in the beginning isn't there anymore and since we can't fix the fighting (which has only been going on the last month) our relationship is unhealthy, and that we weren't meant to be. Soo I did some research to figure out why this happened. I talked to some of his friends since it was really shocking (he doesn't know that) because I thought he was totally in love with me, but the fighting was getting to him. Apparently he has been bored in our relationship and has had doubts about us the last month and he also says that he has no feelings for me anymore and it's officially over, "he wants to be friends" so of course the day of I called him balling wanting him to take me back because I didn't understand or know that he was bored and wanted to be single again, but now I am over that I have to win him back!!! Or accept that it's over and move on... What do you guys think? Will he ever want me back? Do you think by not talking to him and acting happy, having fun, showing him I don't need anymore, looking my best, posting a lot of pictures on facebook, talking to other guys, will make him want me again because he can't have me now. He really did like me for those 7 months and lost the feelings in the last month. What should I do? Oh and I haven't texted, messaged, called him, and I'm gonna barely talk to him at school tomorrow we have a class together so it's hard. Eventually I'll ask him if he's happier without me in his life? He also said he needs his space and tells my friend that he is totally over me... I still have hope..
EmperorR Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Sorry I know the pain you are going through is rough, but you can get over it. As you said you can't fix the fighting, no one wants constant fighting in a relationship it's not healthy. As you also mentioned he said he has been bored and he has doubts. I'm sorry to say but he has already checked out of the relationship a while ago but just broke the news to you. The whole wants to be friends is a joke, especially if you have feelings for him you'll just end up hurting yourself more in the long run. And the worst thing you can do is beg, and plead with him it just pushes him further away. The best thing you can do is accept it and move on, do you want a guy whose not into you? I'm sure you don't. I'm sure you want a guy whose into you and giving you attention etc. Will he every want you back? maybe but usually by the time he wants you back you won't want him anymore. The best thing to do is go NC (no contact), ignore him, stop calling texting emailing talking to him, stop looking for information about him, remove him from your facebook, block him on all im programs , and you will find someone better
Your Favourite Smile Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Do you think by not talking to him and acting happy, having fun, showing him I don't need anymore, looking my best, posting a lot of pictures on facebook, talking to other guys, will make him want me again because he can't have me now. If you really think youll be happier by having him back.. and you think he is really worth it, then in my opinion, act indifferent. If you act miserable, and contact him whilst hinting that you want him back.. itll push him even further away. He will need to be aware that because he has dumped you, you are unavailable to him. He dumped you because of the fights, he needs to be reminded of why he was with you in the first place. As youve suggested, get out there, look your best, have a laugh with your friends, keep busy. Dont look at him, he needs to see youve got better things to be doing. I suggest against contacting him, its up to him to miss you. If nothing comes from this, just move on. Your feelings heal over time and you will find interest in other guys- theres no doubt about that.
FeedingOnFever Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 I am very sorry to hear that you have a class with this guy. I know that makes it so much harder to cope with. The temptation will be immense (I know it has been for me,) but I agree with the people who have posted before me. No contact and sincerely trying to take wonderful, great new steps in your life is probably the best thing to do. Although, if you feel utterly awful on the inside and are struggling to make it look like you're doing fabulously on the outside, I think you might end up pretty confused. Make sure you have a support network of close friends who will let you feel your feelings, but will also help to distract you from feeling so down. I've managed to strike a pretty okay balance with my buddies... we'll go do something fun, and when the laughter has a lull, a sort of silence there, I'll feel comfortable enough to mention that I'm feeling overwhelmed. They then usually share some stories with me for a while, until the activity picks up again. I don't know if this works for everyone, but getting out and doing things is definitely a good way to feel that you are at least moving, doing, and being. Sitting and feeling upset for too long is an awful place to be. I feel for you, and I hope that this stops hurting soon. Ask yourself sincerely though, if you could learn to trust this guy again if he decided to come back to you. Would you take him with open arms and try to make everything go back to the way it was during the first 7 months? You'd still have to work out the fights, but I'm sure it wouldn't be impossible to do. I am realizing bit by bit, that even if my boyfriend showed up right now with all his things, wanting to come back, I would fear him getting up and leaving again. That fear might go away in time, but then again, it might not. When people leave, they totally crush your trust in them, and it sometimes can't build back up. Make sure you do some introspection, and take as long as you need to figure out what you really, truly want. Peace to you, light and love.
Author r0xigirll991 Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Apparently I was wrong, he didn't want to break up in the first place. It really was just the fighting. And after 5 days he came back telling me about all the feelings he still had for me and he wanted to work it out... so we had been talking and stuff getting along trying to work things out. But then he blew me off Friday, and then Blew me off Saturday again. and he went to hangout with my ex best friend... and didn't tell me. So I told him to **** off twice.. and he was really hurt by this and said I really have shown him that we can't get along... and that this is right for us not to be together.. So do you think there is any hope? if we remain friends and I show him that we can get along? because he is saying once again that he doesn't have feelings for me anymore, which I don't think is true because Friday we were talking and he really did have feelings for me... ugh Im so confused.
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 First and foremost, he is not totally over you. And if he is, then you are dealing with someone who is suffering from a mental disorder. (Between Clusters A-C). Research DSM-IV and look at these clusters of disorders. Because if he can drop you and move on so quickly, then he certainly is suffering from a mental disorder. Secondly, your best and ONLY mode of action of getting him back is 100% no contact. Tell him you love him and will NOT speak to him again until he wants you back. Then cut him off 100%. No txts no calls no emails no comments no wall writing, nothing. 100% means 100% no contact. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. Next up, no you should not talk to many guys. That is trashy behavior and if I were him I'd probably laugh at you and play the game right back. You should, however, work on looking your best. I wouldn't go above and beyond to seem happy because this can put a rift in any potential desire he has to come back. You need to just be "normal". "You".That's it. Don't act. Don't talk to a ton of guys. Just be you and cut him off. You cannot win him back. He has to come back. Here's how we can relate. My recent ex (we dated 12 months) broke up with me and I didn't see her for about 6 weeks after that. Almost immediately following the break up I told her I love her and will not speak to her until she felt the same way. Then I enforced no contact 100%. She came back 6 weeks later saying she made a huge mistake and wants to hang out and get back together. And I feel the only reason she did this is because I showed strength and cut her off... but did not shove anything in her face. (I.e., talking to new girls etc). My first ex, though, I begged to get back. I talked to tons of girls after and she knew about it and it just helped her get over me fast. I made every mistake possible. So Learn from my mistakes. Tell him you love him and won't speak to him again til he wants you back. Then 100% no contact. Even when you see him. Don't you DARE even say "hi". Do not look like a desperate insect. *UPDATE (Regarding your most recent reply): He is offsetting the blame on you to alleviate his own guilt. He is saying you can't get along, even though your reactions are natural to his confusing actions. He is messing up but looking to blame you. This is a telltale sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It doesn't mean he HAS it, but he certainly has a trait of it. You're better off just moving on.
Author r0xigirll991 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 Yes, I know everyone thinks I should move on... but I know I love him so much and he means everything to me... He used to tell me that I had no idea how much he loved me.. I can't just move on for now.. but I have cut him out.. Which I didn't do originally, we started talking again after the 5 day mark. Lets see yesterday we went to class and I talked to him for a while and he currently stands confident in his descion quote "This is the best thing", which he said the first time and I've talked to a few people and everyone says he looks sad and hasn't been speaking in class much... I don't think telling him to **** off turned off his feelings for me either so that's bull****. And I let him know recently how much it bothers me that he spends sooo much time talking and hanging out with my ex best friend and I made myself so clear because he told me he wanted me back. SO DUMB BECAUSE I LET HIM KNOW HOW I WAS REALLY FEELING!! So now he has been talking about her a lot and what they are going to do together and just so much stuff about her. I don't know if he was trying to make me upset, but it worked, I had to leave school because I became hysterical and flew out of town. Do you know why he is doing this? Has he really just moved on? So anyway I haven't been talking to a lot of boys, but when I did talk to two, he said it made him realize that he did care about me still. But he did asked me "how's this guy doing? I haven't talk to him in a while? " and it was one of the guys I was talking to that he was originally upset about and then he hated this other guy henry bc he was trying to get with me. Now he says he doesn't hate him, because I said this guy had a good personality. He's basically acting the opposite of how he acted last week. Bc last week he was almost crying in class when he went on my facebook and saw chats with other boys. I think he just wanted the satisfaction of knowing that they meant nothing to me and he did. So basically I am not speaking to him for this whole break! from December 16th - January 4th. So when he goes to 4th period, I won't be there... he'll be alone and have no choice but to think about me bc Im the only person he can talk to in that class. However he text me though after I left school and said "why did you leave school", and I didn't respond. Then he texted me again saying "what ever I said that made you so upset. I'm sorry." and I haven't heard from him since. Do you think if he tries to contact me again over break that's a good sign even though he told me he doesn't want to hangout with me or talk to me over the break. Ugh so NC makes them come back....? I hope it makes him realize how much he loved me and how he needs me to be happy and he wants me back. Last Friday, before I told him to F off, he said the thing he misses most about us is spending time with me..... So he will not see or hear from me for a pretty long time. It can go good or bad, he may realize he's better off or he really wants to make it work. Oh, and I also said yesterday "If you really loved me, then you will come back." That was probably stupid but I just felt so weak because he seemed perfectly fine and totally happy with his choice. I am going to post somethings he said to me.. after the 5 days of no contact.... and see what you guys think, because he said that our kiss after the breakup was a mistake?!?! Sorry if this is confusing, I just have been going through A LOTTTTTTT OH yeah, what should I do, if he does try and contact me, don't give in right?!?! Be strong and make it through this break without him!!?!? and what should I do when I do go back to school in January and see him in class.?? omg any help would mean so much to me!!!!!
Author r0xigirll991 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 Basically is NC the only thing that works ??
Author r0xigirll991 Posted December 18, 2008 Author Posted December 18, 2008 Ex 12/10/08 8:04 PM i was going to say that i'd like to try again Ex 12/10/08 8:08 PM its all my fault 12/10/08 8:08 PM its my fault we broke up Ex 12/10/08 8:19 PM even if i say that i'm willing to get back togeather 12/10/08 8:19 PM that doesn't mean anything Ex 12/10/08 8:19 PM you won't take me back immediatley Ex 12/10/08 8:21 PM i know 12/10/08 8:21 PM i'm sorry 12/10/08 8:21 PM i don't deserve you 12/10/08 8:21 PM your right Me 12/10/08 8:24 PM i know, but it seems like you where about to tell me you wanted me again Ex 12/10/08 8:24 PM i am 12/10/08 8:24 PM cause thats the truth 12/10/08 8:25 PM i do want you back Ex 12/10/08 8:32 PM maybe not to you 12/10/08 8:32 PM but when you kissed me in 4th period today 12/10/08 8:32 PM it was a big deal to me Ex 12/10/08 8:34 PM before we do this again 12/10/08 8:34 PM i need to be 100% sure about it Ex 12/10/08 8:36 PM i've been horrible to you Ex 12/10/08 8:39 PM i just don't know what to do 12/10/08 8:39 PM everyone keeps saying that i need more space and time Ex 12/10/08 9:45 PM now you know that i do feel terrible i told you that i want you back Ex 12/11/08 9:08 PM i made a mistake 12/11/08 9:09 PM i can't undo it Ex 12/11/08 9:09 PM i would if i could Ex 12/11/08 9:12 PM i made one of the biggest mistakes of my life 12/11/08 9:12 PM and it left me miserable and alone Ex 12/11/08 9:13 PM i've had one of the worst weeks of my life These were the some of things he said to me after 5 days apart... Do you think over time, he'll come back if this is how he was truly feeling after we broke up? I guess with only time I'll know.. I just miss him so terribly, and it's only been a day since I saw him last and have 18 more to go... till I'll let myself see him again, I hope he doesn't move on in this time.. and misses me and tells me he wants me back again... and forgives me for being not understanding to his wishes. Please anyone give me your opinion on what I posted. I'm so in love with him, I can't bare it.
Author r0xigirll991 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 I seriously give up. I don't even know what to do with myself. I've hurt everyone around me, and I am at the point where suicide seems like the best way out. I give up.
Silver_star Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I know this isnt what you want to here. Call a friend, bitch about it. Get a journal write about it. Write a list of all the things hes done to you that was mean or sketchy, and write a list of all the qualities you want in your "dream guy". Do they match? Probably not. You need to realize you are the most important thing in your life. Not him. And you dont love him. You cared, and he didnt. No offence but you dont seem to be very mature, and I feel bad that someone took your trust and feelings and tore them apart, but now its time to grow from the experience and be a better person because he needs to go, and you need to grow.
adamt Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Ok, i have been where you are now. it will hurt but my advice is as follows:- You have told him exactly how you feel, so he knows how you feel so nothing more you say or do will make him change his mind. if he has to change his mind he has to come from within himself. You need to cut all contact, remove and block from facebook, delete emails and texts if you have to. Ask your friends not to drip feed you info on what he is doing. do not contact or respond to any contact he makes. if he wants you he will miss you and want you back. do not use NC to think it will bring him back, use it to look after yourself. Meanwhile, keep yourself busy, join a gym,catch up with friends, dont stay at home alone too much, read some books to take your mind of him,cry if you feel like it, take up new hobbies, try new stuff and discover things you like, have a make over, set some goals for the next 6 months
Truthfulanswers Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Yes I definitely think you should continue to - not talk to him and acting happy, having fun, showing him I don't need anymore, looking my best, posting a lot of pictures on facebook, talking to other guys. I would add that you should smile when you catch his eyes and not show anything other than a friendly smile. There is no guarantee this will win him back and he may truly have already moved on but if he is to come back you will absolutely have to make sure you stand your ground. It is he who must come back to you so you can lay down the rules. If you do take him back you must not be so quick to do so. Simply tell him you will make time to talk with him and that you will call him in a day or two... and make sure to take a few days before you call him. Try taking advice from someone who specializes in the psychology of a mans mind as well as in relationships. Best of luck.
dreamer6615 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I seriously give up. I don't even know what to do with myself. I've hurt everyone around me, and I am at the point where suicide seems like the best way out. I give up. Suicide - A permanent solution for a temporary problem - I know it hurts, but do realize that you are not alone - Keep your head up and remember that God doesn't close a door without opening a window - You hang in there and you will get through this...
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