Seducer11 Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Heres the situation, ive been in a relationship with my gf for like 4 months now.On the 3rd of our relationship i have to go back to England to continue my studies, since then it was a long distance relationship for us..Everything goes perfectly well for the past one month till yesterday she called and told me that she just joined a street racer club (350z club). I was shocked coz ive told over n over again that i dont like her to join the club unless if theres some other women there but the fact is that shes the only women in that club. The idea of her hanging out with guys on her own troubles me. Forgodsake i dont know whats gonna happen and if theres anything happen to her theres nothing i can do coz im 7 thousand miles away frm home.Im juz worried abt her safety..So yesterday we had an arguments over this, she said she can take care of herself.She also said that shes really serious in our relationship but she dosent want to have commitment yet untill shes married..As in shes not gonna listen to me until im become her husband.She also added that she wanna enjoy life more because shes afraid that one day when we get married, we would fight or have an argument abt her not having chance to enjoy herself.She said that we could both enjoy ourself n do things our own way as long as theres limit tat it wont gonna jeopradize the relationship.She said we should trust each other... The problem is that, its not her that i dont trust but its the men..Finally the arguments was getting hot, n she finally said shes going to hang out wit the guys whether i like it or not. After all that, questions start to flood my mind, does hanging out wit the guys means so much to her that shes willing to hurt me?? Is the club more important than me? Wat should i do? I love her so much n i do wanna make her happy but the fact shes hanging out wit bunch of guys seems unacceptable to me.I cant get this off my mind.I know if i keep on persuading her not to hang out wit them, im sure our relationship will be doom.But pretending as if theres nothing wrong wit it, really hurts me so much. Should i juz let her hangout with the guys and endure the pain by myself??? Pls i really need some advice rite now..Im confused n really dunno wat to do..As a matter of fact, i dun have the will to do anything anymore..
Gremio Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 I don't know your ages, but when you asked if the club is more important, here's what I think: You too are young and so is your relationship. She may very well see this as her only chance to be in a club like that, but there will be numerous chances to be in a serious relationship. She doesn't want to miss an opportunity. I don't know the dynamics of your situation but it seems you have trust issues, which I understand since you are so far away. You have zero control over the situation, and why trying to take some, it can very well make the situation even worse, as you said it did.
Author Seducer11 Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 Gremio i do agree that my relationship is still too young because we've juz started dating 5 months ago but in terms of age, i am 25 yrs old n shes 24.Like i said its not her that i dont trust but its the men..Coz ive grown up with these ppl and i know what they are like.So whats the best thing i should do?Cheers for ur replies
Viking Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 You've only been with her for four months and you're getting a little possessive. She needs her own space and time, especially since you're not even on the same continent as her. That's what is going to make this more difficult for you and her. My advice, let he hang out with them. Show her that you know she wants to do her own thing and that if you're really that important to her, she'll stand by you (figuratively because you're so far away-bad move though). She's going to do what she wants either way. Just accept it and tell her you're OK with it. Creepy avatar. I hope that's not your wrist.
Author Seducer11 Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 TQ Viking...Well yeah theres no other choice for me, even if i say no she would still hang out wit them.Either way i have to let her do her own thing..I understand but im juz worried abt her safety..Cheers viking..Btw thats not my wrist, found it on google image when i was looking for some pic..
Jims555 Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 I have to agree with the other repliers as well. Also, here's what i got from this post: you want her to sit at home waiting for your call, because you don't trust her to go out with other people. the only thing that will stop her from hooking up with other guys is her, not you. if you give her some freedom, she might realize you do trust her, and that she doesn't want to betray that trust. that way you're going now, she knows you don't trust her and why should she try to prove anything to you went you're 7000 miles away? the tighter you're grip on this girl, the faster she'll slip through your fingers. i suggest you apologize to this girl asap, and say something to the extent of "i'm sorry i overreacted, I really like you and don't want to lose you." MAYBE, that will patch things up. also, you said you don't trust the guys she with, well you're right there. many of those guys ARE hitting on your girl, and you were one of them. but, she choose you right?
Author Seducer11 Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 Jims555, tats not wat i meant..I dun intend to let her stay at home and wait for my call..I dont mind if shes going out with her girl friends or some guys as long as theres girls wit her..Would u be paranoid if u're gf alone hanging out with 20 guys?U cant blame me mate for being paranoid.But i do agree wit ur statement "The tighter you're grip on this girl, the faster she'll slip through your fingers." ive juz texted her after reading ur post, telling her "im sorry for being persuasive and misjudge her..I really love her so much n that i dont wanna lose her.All the things tat ive done is juz to ensure her safety..N ive told her as well im alrite if shes decided to hang out wit them"..Hopefully all these can bring back the joy in our relationship (finger cross)..Coz at the moment its damn sour...Cheers Jims555
MN randomguy Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 the tighter you're grip on this girl, the faster she'll slip through your fingers. i suggest you apologize to this girl asap, and say something to the extent of "i'm sorry i overreacted, I really like you and don't want to lose you." MAYBE, that will patch things up. I've gotta agree w/Jim. I wish I could tell you something that would put you in control of your own destiny. However, you telling her that you're so scared of her running off with the street racers shows insecurity and makes you less desirable. If she were posting her side. I'd tell her that if your boyfriend is making you choose between him and joining the 350Z club, dump him. Don't make her choose. You don't have to trust the other guys, you just have to trust her. Hell, I'd hit on a girl that's into street racing. That's hot. Many times I do hit on Triathlete/Mt. Biker and other women that have interesting lives, I get the sorry, taken thing. (note to the ladies, do interesting stuff. None of these girls have problems getting guys;)) Be glad she's your GF. Does she trust you not to hook up with British chicks over there? Are there Ex-girlfriends in England for a lonely LDR guy? Your paranoia may be self-fulfilling if you don't knock it off. You've gotta be a bit of a stud to catch a street racer girl in the first place. Relax.
Author Seducer11 Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 Well MN randomguy im a street racer myself..N i dont have any other girls ever since ive been wit her.I always been true to her.Id die a 100 times over rather than to lose her.Infact, id rather be with her now for a lifetime than an eternity in heaven...The thing is, im juz worried abt her safety..Theres nothing to do with trust coz i do trust her alot.I know shes not gonna do any stupid thing.But her safety is my main concern....Tats the reason why i disapprove shes going out wit them..After all she barely knew these guys...
You'reasian Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Well MN randomguy im a street racer myself..N i dont have any other girls ever since ive been wit her.I always been true to her.Id die a 100 times over rather than to lose her.Infact, id rather be with her now for a lifetime than an eternity in heaven...The thing is, im juz worried abt her safety..Theres nothing to do with trust coz i do trust her alot.I know shes not gonna do any stupid thing.But her safety is my main concern....Tats the reason why i disapprove shes going out wit them..After all she barely knew these guys... Express your concern to her about the safety issue. Ask her what she is doing to keep herself safe?
Author Seducer11 Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 She didnt tell me much except "Im a grown up n i know how to take care of myself"..Tats all i have...
Jims555 Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Seducer11, i'm glad you took my criticism constructively. i'll admit it easy to lose control when it so many emotions are involved. so what was her reply to your text? how long till your done with school, and can move back permanently? if it's more than a couple months, you may have to accept that this relationship will be you two seeing each other when you visit, and only keeping in touch while you're away. it's hard to maintain a long distance relationship no matter if you've dated two weeks or been married 20 years. also, good to know your avatar pic isn't your wrist. it is creepy...
Author Seducer11 Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 Jims555, well im doing my final year in HND at the moment n will be going back for summer holiday in june next year.Im planning to do my degree the year after but by the looks of it, its really hard when u're studying at the same time having a long distance relationship.So maybe i wont gonna pursue my degree.I love my gf n i juz wanna be wit her..I wont gonna risk my relationship over my studies..Like i said i love her so much id rather stay with her than to do my degree n lose her. Well she havent reply me though as i expect because its still 5 in the morning over there so she must still be asleep.Btw no matter how heart broken i am, i wont gonna be a fool to cut my wrist..I believe theres more to life than that...
MN randomguy Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Sorry I misinterpreted your concerns. You were saying that you were concerned because she was the only girl and posting it on a relationship questions site. You also titled it "My gf asking permission to hang out with some guys." I took it to mean that you were concerned about her meeting someone new. Not that you were concerned about crashing and safety. Also, my other point when I brought up British girls was to give you an idea that she may have some insecurities too. I didn't mean to suggest that you would run around. I like You'reasian's idea if you're concerned about her physical safety. Of course I drive a stock Corolla and know nothing about safety issues in street racing. So I'll shut up now.
Author Seducer11 Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 Well MN randomguy i do apologize for confusing u in the first place..Although u misinterpret me but i believe some of ur statement are true and valuable. I do agree when u said "Don't make her choose. You don't have to trust the other guys, you just have to trust her".. As much as i trusted her, im sure and positively convinced she trusted me as well..Im sure she will feel secure abt me being here..But i dont agree abt this "I like You'reasian's idea if you're concerned about her physical safety". I believe that everyone in the world regardless wats their nationality would do the same thing that is, being concerned abt their love ones physical safety..
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