getting over my insecurity

[friendoffriend]

for the first 18 years of my life i was overweight with low self-esteem, little to no confidence, and the sinking feeling that i was not good enough and that no one liked me. i think that part of the issue is that my mother would always complain to me that my father didn't treat her right, that he wasn't there for her, and that she didn't love him and made a mistake. in my relationships now, i always feel the need to be clingy and overdisplay my affection to show that i care. i am no longer overweight, i am considered very attractive, intelligent, and desirable, but i still can not shake this insecure mindset that i am not wanted. i am not one to ask for help, but i don't know what else to do because i feel like all of my relationships collapse for the same reasons. thank you in advance for your advice.

[Anastasia0309]

Well, it sounds like you know where your problem started from which is a good start. Have you tried reading self help books? I went through this period in my life after losing my father and my 3 year relationship ending that I didn't think I knew anything about myself or life. I googled any topic I needed advise on and I also read like 3 self help books. One was a work book and was very helpful. I've also been single for a while and I've learned that being single allows you to explore who you are and what makes you happy. You can't be happy in a relationship untill you are happy alone. You need to be alone to know what makes you happy and not happy. Maybe if you were able to be alone and find that all out you would be able to know what types of guys you should be with to be happy in a relationship and break the pattern. I hope I helped.

[beautifulearth83]

Yeah some self-exploration would be a good idea. Perhaps you are putting too much importance in being attractive, intelligent, etc? Insecurity is strange thing and isn't always easy to shake.

 

In many cases and perhaps in your case, it is that we are seeking from others what we are not giving ourselves. If you can enjoy being attractive and intelligent and desirable all on your own, then other people's reactions won't matter as much, because you're happy with yourself.

 

I suggest taking a gander at think link: http://www.life-with-confidence.com/how-to-stop-needing-approval.html

 

Wish you well

[georgejungle]

Well it seems like you got a lot of good things going for you,

you just need to relax and re-train your brain into feeling

more secure about yourself. If anyone compliments you,

say Thank You. Don't brush it off, just say Thank You.

It's more polite and shows that you are confident enough to

take a compliment. It does a weird thing to your brain too.

You may start believing it, but not in a conceited way.

 

Push yourself out there into situations where you can express

yourself and be more social (if you're not already). Interact.

Interacting, will show people who you are.

[diggy]

Oooh this is nice to answer.

 

Do yourself a favour and go and get Eckhart tolles book, the power of now.

You are placing too much value on the opinions of others.

 

Who cares if people dont like you or want you.

I know you do...but really...what does it matter?

 

It takes some time to adopt this mindset, and a few years ago I was just like you.

All you need is a few good people in your life, a few friends, family and your girlfriend, for the rest it does not matter much.

 

HOw do you get over this insecurity?

Make it a point to go out by yourself once a week, to a club or bar, and approach every attractive girl in the venue. Make it your aim to get rejected, go up and say the stupidest stuff to test her reaction. The more you have this mindset, the more you will notice people will actually want to talk to you, because they can see that you have a strong frame and do not give away your power by placing importace on other peoples meanings.