noforgiveness Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Thank you for your input... Two wrongs never make a right but depending on how you look at cheating..."A" cheats on me almost everyday of his life with the 20 some girls he has stacked up in his cell phone whom text him and he returns texts which are all sexually related...or the sexual nature of his myspace messages... Im not making excuses for the reason i do this because in all honesty, I was raised in a cheating environment, I cheated previous to "A" and whilst our relationship now... He cheated on me physically a few months back and actually thought he got his lucky lady Prego. I've asked him about a more "open relationship" to express both of our needs because he flat out told me "i bore him" but he will not let me have an open relationship with any male figure...only female... lol right out of the cheaters justification handbook. Leave him. Get on with your life.
noforgiveness Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I totally agree we both need some sort of counseling, him telling me I can or can not do something in small retrospect as i've given here...is just the half of it LOL yes i know totally gross-masterbating on the floor was actually the least of my worries, I dont dare type the other thing he left me once... Im actually not entirely sure why we stay together at all...I broke up with him awhile ago because of his lack of responsibility around the house and lack of empathy for how much i did without any thanks at all(sounds kinda lame saying that when i look at the big picture of being cheating on him) but you know just stuff around the house...cleaning, dishes, making supper, washing clothes, feeding and caring for the animals we have etc etc... But he wouldnt leave me alone, nagging, crying, showing up at my house at all hours of the night/day/evening wanting me to take him back... I believe our relationship is based purely on comfort-Im comfortable around him, he's comfortable around me-as well as the fact i take care of him more then the average woman would put up with EX: making sure he washes properly... I do love him, i cant say im "in" love with him anymore though... I know for a fact he isnt in love with me, it shows-very well...i kinda think he enjoys the feeling of "owning me" although i seem to rebel alot and it doesnt work out the way he always hoped it was going too...but i think he thinks...he owns me... :laugh:I feel like I am listening in on the sweet nothings she tells her mm about her partner. Absolutely disgusting. If I was your mm I would have zero respect for you. Staying with a man who is as bad as you say.
LovieDove24 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I stopped reading this post the moment I read "He leaves his climax on the floor." .... Throwing up in my mouth a bit.
frannie Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Hello Frisky Kitty. How on earth did you end up buying a house together with this person? Why are you still with him? I know you've made an attempt to answer that, but it's completely incomprehensible. It will never, never get any better, and seeing a MM on the side isn't going to help matters. You have so much to sort out I'm not even going to start on being involved with a MM Anyway, welcome to the forum. Not all of us bite
Lucky_One Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I can't get past the fact that you entered a legal agreement with a man who has to be told to wash his butt, much less who leaves c*m on the floor. That's just gross. He's just gross. And I can't see why any intelligent healthy human being would stay in such a dysfunctional relationship. I would suggest some counseling for yourself, pronto. (How's that for "subblety"?)
Author Frisky_Kitty Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 Hello and welcome! Your story makes it sound like you have oodles of valid reasons for leaving A. The reasons for staying don't seem clear. It doesn't seem that you have any more than kinship love remaining. Are you afraid of leaving him for some reason? You mentioned "gold digging." Does economic uncertainty play a part? Why don't you break up with him? If you become single, then you can choose J or someone better. And it wouldn't have to be part-time sneaking. Seems like you'd have a lot MORE cake if you let go of A. That could be a hefty portion of it, Im so busy with work, my dogs, craft shows etc etc....i dont really sit to long and dwell on what is exactly wrong with my relationship and why I dont just leave. My mom and sister use to ask me the same thing all the time, never had a good reason and never could even "make up" a good one so i cant really give you guys one either... Im sure alot of things play into factor as to why i stay but i dont have many good ones. I could agree with the kinship love
wildsoul Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 That could be a hefty portion of it, Im so busy with work, my dogs, craft shows etc etc....i dont really sit to long and dwell on what is exactly wrong with my relationship and why I dont just leave. All those activities AND also your affair with MM are probably self-created distractions so you don't have to feel whatever is underneath. You've given us a huge list of dirty laundry that you've already sorted, but are letting it pile up on the floor instead of getting out the soap and washing it. You might be able to keep yourself busy with daily tasks & now your sexual affair, but it's just buying you time. It's not solving the problem (which sounds like you need to get out of your R and figure out your living situation.) It's understandable how those are overwhelming, but you have got to spend that time deep inside your heart and soul and fix them. What you're doing isn't sustainable. In fact, it's most likely to make everything worse. Imagine this likely scenario: You keep up your affair, while avoiding making a decision on your bad R and householding.Your 1st guy, A, will keep acting up, maybe even more so. Sounds like he is passive agressively TRYING to make your life hell.You and J will likely get caught, by J's wife or by A. It doesn't matter, because both spouses will find out.A will probably go ballistic. I could be wrong, but he sounds like he's not a nice guy. You might get booted out of your home without a plan.We don't know what J will do, but you're probably gonna get your heart broken somewhere in here. That just goes with the territory.Are you secretly hoping J will leave his W and rescue you from A, both financially and emotionally? Girlfriend, it would be so much smarter for you to instead take charge of your life, relationship, and living situation! Stop the distractions and get in touch with your next step in life. Make a plan! Correct me if I'm wrong, as I'm just putting some speculations out there. But I know some of these things first hand. I did the busy thing too, to avoid my xH. Finally, I realized what I was doing and stopped. I scaled way back on activities, went to individual and couples therapy, and told myself that I'd give it up to one year to decide about my M. I really needed to soul search. And although it is hard to make it as a single woman, it was still the empowered thing to do. You say you don't know yourself. I think that's only a cover story. But you do need to figure it out. Your answers are within you.
Author Frisky_Kitty Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 All those activities AND also your affair with MM are probably self-created distractions so you don't have to feel whatever is underneath. You've given us a huge list of dirty laundry that you've already sorted, but are letting it pile up on the floor instead of getting out the soap and washing it. You might be able to keep yourself busy with daily tasks & now your sexual affair, but it's just buying you time. It's not solving the problem (which sounds like you need to get out of your R and figure out your living situation.) It's understandable how those are overwhelming, but you have got to spend that time deep inside your heart and soul and fix them. What you're doing isn't sustainable. In fact, it's most likely to make everything worse. Imagine this likely scenario: You keep up your affair, while avoiding making a decision on your bad R and householding.Your 1st guy, A, will keep acting up, maybe even more so. Sounds like he is passive agressively TRYING to make your life hell.You and J will likely get caught, by J's wife or by A. It doesn't matter, because both spouses will find out.A will probably go ballistic. I could be wrong, but he sounds like he's not a nice guy. You might get booted out of your home without a plan.We don't know what J will do, but you're probably gonna get your heart broken somewhere in here. That just goes with the territory.Are you secretly hoping J will leave his W and rescue you from A, both financially and emotionally? Girlfriend, it would be so much smarter for you to instead take charge of your life, relationship, and living situation! Stop the distractions and get in touch with your next step in life. Make a plan! Correct me if I'm wrong, as I'm just putting some speculations out there. But I know some of these things first hand. I did the busy thing too, to avoid my xH. Finally, I realized what I was doing and stopped. I scaled way back on activities, went to individual and couples therapy, and told myself that I'd give it up to one year to decide about my M. I really needed to soul search. And although it is hard to make it as a single woman, it was still the empowered thing to do. You say you don't know yourself. I think that's only a cover story. But you do need to figure it out. Your answers are within you. You know, you are totally right! Are you a writer? because your very convincing I need to figure me out...I just have to! thank you all for the words, whether they be mean or nice All is appreciated!
Wicked Smile Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 In response to Ms. Signed In (a/k/a Ms. Perfect) Correct me if I am wrong, but isnt the whole purpose of this board to be a support forum for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner?? For those who are not perfect, which I assume you think you are, who are trying to either get out of a situation for which they are less than proud? I know we all can't be perfect like you, and am glad that you find amusement in coming to this board to judge and bash those who are trying to find support. Guess it makes it easier for you not to look at your own life. Sorry to say but the boards are here to lay out what you cannot bring yourself to admit in person. If a farmer plants a crop...then he's a farmer. If a man enters the ring and and at the bell starts throwing punches...he's a boxer. If a person enters a commited relationship and cheats on their partner....they are a cheater. The only upside is will they stop cheating. Is once all it takes? I can understand making a few mistakes in one's life. But after a short while it becomes obvious if your a 1 timer making a stupid mistake or a person that doesn't give 2 sh**s who they hurt as long as they get off.
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