amokqq Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 At the very start I would like to say hi to everyone. I have been reading different forums on break ups, relationship advice, but none quite answered or gave me any hint on my problem... So I'll give it a try here, hope someone could give me some advice. I broke up with my girlfriend 5 months ago, we were together for 5 years. We lived together for 2 years. I was my fault, no cheating involved, I just started to get lazy and didn't spend enought time with my gf. Some and trying to talk to me many times she finally dumped me. No explanaitions no nothing, done. I moved away. I stoped all contact with her, just a single phone call to get my stuff. I moved to my parents house. I was devastated, I really loved her and she meant a lot to me, but I understood the reason she left me. Some of our friends told me she didn't feel good about it too, but it was over and I was far away. I actually started healing inside, stared a new job, made some new friends, started everything over. Then after 1.5 months I got to know that my ex is with one of my good friends. I felt awful, all my felling came back, and again I felt really low. The fact that she loved me(told me that just before she dumped me) but found someone(my friend!!) that quick really hurt me. I took on more work, tryed not to think about it. I thought I was ok. Sorry people that this is so long but I think an exact picture of what i'm going through will make it easier to help me. I had a bunch of new friends, I totally stopped thinking about my ex. But she called me one day, found my new number somehow. We had a vidiochat online, and talked about lots of stuff, I actually liked it, was not mad, sad or anything. I told her about my job and other stuff. She did see I am a happy man again. She started crying... told me her new bf is not the guy she is looking for. Thats where I snapped, she told me she loved me and was sorry, I told her I changed. After a couple phones/chats she broke up with the guy and told me she is coming back to me(she would move). I was happy that we could try it again. I felt like I still loved her. She said she would come in 1.5 months. We talked everyday. Everything was fine. One day she told me her period is late and she thinks that she is pregnant. She said that before she left her bf i could have happened. I was a hard hit for me. I told her that I don't want to see her, speak to her, have nothing to do with her anymore. I was mad, I did regret it later but I think It's the best I could do. I was really too much for me. I felt like I had to cut if off, I still loved her of course, but just couldn't take it any longer. I had no contact for, I think 2 months. I healed completly. I love her, am a ruin emotionally and don't need anyone, at least for now(woman). She again managed to get my phone number somehow. Called me 2 weeks ago. She wanted to meet(she did move). I didn't want to but gave in. We went to a bar, she showed me some doctors tested which said that she was not pregnant but her period was late for a different reason. I was kindda shocked, she told me she still loves me, I did also and we are thinking of getting back together. The problem is, our relationship is now ruin. I am emotionally tired. Yes, I'm just plain tired of all this stuff. I do love her. But I scared this is not the end. Something is going to have. It's been a rough ride since my break up and I if something goes wrong this time, I just couldn't take it. I have so many mixed feelings now. It's been very very hard for me. Please help me! What should I do! I love the girl... and here she is! Is it worth it? Ps. Sorry for the length of my story and all the mistakes, but I'm not american:) and my english is not that good. // oh by the way i'm 22 yo.
FeedingOnFever Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Wow, what a complicated situation. It sounds like there has been a TON of emotional roller-coastering over the past months for both you and she. She seems to be trying very hard to get back together with you... but I'm wondering if that is what's best for both of you. The part that jumped out at me the most was the last part: you said that you are so confused and if something happened again, you wouldn't be able to handle it. I think honestly, you should tell her these things. 90% of women really love to talk to their men about important issues like this... I think this is what she wanted to do earlier in your relationship when she wanted to talk about you and she spending less time together. If you are totally honest with her (without being mean or anything), and tell her you are really scared about being hurt again and have a lot of confused feelings, I think she will be open to listening to you. Here's where it gets tricky. You two could try to start again, but take it very, very slowly and see how you both feel. You could remain friends while you work through your feelings and pin-point what you truly want, and what you feel comfortable enough doing. I actually don't think I would recommend you and she jumping straight back into your relationship exactly where you left off. A lot has gone on since then and as you said, you are a different man. It's almost like you two have to get to know each other again. Let us know how you're doing. I hope this makes sense, and that you figure out what is best for you. Five years is a long time, and it's scary to face huge decisions like this.
You'reasian Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 The problem is, our relationship is now ruin. I am emotionally tired. Yes, I'm just plain tired of all this stuff. I do love her. But I scared this is not the end. Something is going to have. It's been a rough ride since my break up and I if something goes wrong this time, I just couldn't take it. You need to take action that's going to keep you emotionally charged and in a positive direction. Realize that your ex-gf is not pregnant and while you were concerned for the both of you, its an extra relief for your current situation. It should be fine that your ex is seeing one of your good friends, since she is your ex. Maybe they'll be good for each other? You said you healed, feel fine etc. What environmental factors were you queing that maintained your happiness? What mental state were you at? Figure that out and take action to get there Best of luck!
Author amokqq Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 Thanks for the reply's. You guys don't understand how much this means to me. I so confused lately, I just can't make the right choice. We meet now every weekend, go to a pub, talk about neutral stuff. I really scared to talk about our relationship... we did last week, she said time will show what happens. It's heavy stuff. I you guys don't mind I will keep writing in this post. Will keep adding new stuff. It makes it easier to cope with the situation If I speak with someone about it. Right... time to go to work. At least I'll get this off my mind for a while. I hope this ends soon.
Author amokqq Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Just as I said I wanted to update the situation. Well, I'm confused... Yeah even more. I might be paranoid. So here is what happened. Last time we met, she asked me if I had anyone. I told her that I good friends with this one girl, which is true no BS. I mean she listens to me and knows the pain I'm going through so it's nice to talk to her, nothing more. She aked if the girl was nice, and stuff like that. I told her "yeah" she asked if she was prettier the she is. I started joking around with her, but then she said that she knows that I would pick her. I asked her the same thing she said she knows this one guy... started pissing me off and stuff, tryed to get me jealous. Well I was but didn't show. She told me she had a good time with me and loves me. I asked whats going to happen next, she said time will show... again. I mean I don't want to push or anything, but I would like to know already. Damn... I starting to get all over me, this whole situation. I can't even think normally anymore. Just wanted to say, if she says she wants to be with me and loves me, I love her, we had sex(yeah I forgot to say that:P). It's really driving me f'king crazy. I just want this to end. Sometimes I think she is playing with me. Knows that I want her and wants me to wait. Like right now she does not respond to my texts emails. NC i would say... It drives me nuts!!!!! She wanted to meet in the first place! Why is she playing around now! ufff...
Author amokqq Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 Oh well I see no one is interested in my story. Anyway I feel better writing it down. Today I just simply called my ex. We spoke for a while she said she is busy, found a new job and other stuff. We are going to meet tommorow. We're going to the movies, later for a few drinks and later on, a hotel to spend the night together... sounds nice, she said she will come for sure and really wants to meet me. It did seem strange to me cuz the whole week she didn't reply to any of my messages... We'll see if she is up to anything, or its just me going nuts:P Wish me luck guys and gals:)
GoneButNotForgotten Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I wish you the best of luck. Most importantly though, don't change yourself. You said you really got things on track. Do not lose that. She may be toying with you to build self esteem. You know this girl better than anyone of us. But most important is that you have to respect yourself and still do the right things for you. If all this is doing is making it worse then maybe it is time to back off until she knows what she wants.
Author amokqq Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 Yep todays the day we were supposed to meet... she texted me in the morning telling me she found a new job and does not have any time today for me. Lol, I planed the whole thing for 3 days... "oh i'm sorry". F'king games. I got pissed off cuz she started the whole thing and now it's me trying to contact her. Time to turn the tides. I calle her and told her I'm happy she found a job and If she does want me back she has to show it. That I am not playing these games any more. F'k it. I'm done. Wooh! I got pissed off big time.
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