berba08 Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Long story short....Have been seeing MW for the last 3 years...recently ended, NC for 4 days. Really miss her, but I know this is all for the best. I ended the whole thing, because she would never leave because as she put it she has "responsibilities" in her words, the family needed to be perfect, even though she is miserable. She admitted to me that life with me would be great...I inquired with her why after 3 years she strung me out, and she replied because she loves me. She's been married 17 years, two kids 22 and 17. I don't understand the whole thing. They're not kids anymore and would understand after a while. It's been hard, but after reading some of the posts here in understand this. I just don't see why they stick in it, in her case this was her second affair, and her H had one as well. If things are that bad, why not leave....That's not my problem though....I guess I just want to know I did the right thing...
Sandy223 Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 of course you did the right thing, and you know it. in this case, it seems as if neither her nor her husband are completely happy in the marraige... but, they seemed to have taken the path of least resistance and in doing so, have hurt others... ... what I mean is this: it is very difficult to get divorced ... because of the history, relatives, finances ... it's a big huge mess... Neither of them, it seems, wanted to end the marraige for selfish reasons ... and it seems as if they both allow their other needs to get met outside the marraige ... so why rock the boat? Her husaband lets her get away with cheating, and she lets him get away with it ... neither or them respect the marraige, or the people they are with ... as long as their needs are being met (e.g., financially, and outside the marraige with other partners) ... ... they are both having their cake and eating too, while keeping the partnership intact to their mutual benefit.... If either of them respected themselves, they would do the right thing and get divorced ... ... but, instead they have chosen this unconventional lifestyle, are both settling for less ... which means that anyone unfortunate enough to get involved with them will also be settling for less. Make no mistake ... she does not love you like you need to be loved ... she only loves herself, and as long as her needs are being met, and her world isn't being rocked .. who cares if you get strung along for the next 20 years!! I know ... it is painful and sad ... please surround yourself with supportive freinds, and get professional help if you need it ... you absolutely must muster up the strenght to keep moving forward and put this behind you ... ... you know that you deserve so much more ... I know it is hard to be alone, but she is hardly the last woman on earth, and definitely not the last person who will love you ... ... please love yourself more than you love her ... sit down and write down all of your blessings and all of the things you have going for you ... and find another outlet ... a positive outet for your energy... ... when you start using your energy in a positive way ... and not wasting it on something that is beneath you (their warped lives), you will get stronger and happier by the day ... .... trust me ... I am there with you ... I have been tormented all weekend. Hopefully today is my last day of being depressed ... I have invired a friend over this evening, and am going to get a good night sleep, wipe the slate clean and start tomorrow as a brand new day .. the first day of the rest of my life ... .. yesterday, literally, is in the past ... it already happened .. now focus on what you have to look forward to tomorrow and each and every day thereafter.
AlaskanGal Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Welcome Berba! Let me just say that I'm relatively new here as well and the folks on this forum have been such a means of support! I encourage you to heed any advice they may have (no matter how harsh at times:laugh:) I'm also on my 4th day of NC so I felt compelled to write. You absolutely did the right thing! You deserve so much better for yourself! Don't bother trying to understand her marital situation.... you'll drive yourself crazy! The fact remains that she isn't leaving her marriage, so if you would've stayed together you never would have had a healthy relationship anyway. It might be hard to think about right now, but won't it be nice to meet someone who can give you all of their love and not be second best? Hang in there, 4 days and staying strong! AG
lkjh Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Dude, you did the right thing by ending it. She didn't leave because she likes her life and she just wanted some fun on the side.
frannie Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Hello berba. I, too, think you did the right thing. After all, it comes down to what they are going to do, not why. We could spend forever wondering why they stay and drive ourselves insane. If she's not leaving, you are far better to walk away. Also, slight t/j to say congrats to AlaskanGal on the continued NC
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