Wibble Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 A quick update and a bit of advice if that is possible! I won't bore you with the backstory, suffice to say that 3 years after discovering my wife's affair, and with her totally refusing to attend any form of MC, I have left her. I have been living in my parents spare room for 4 months and am about to move into a flat. In many ways my relationship with her has improved since I have lost the stress of having to live with her, and I see the kids whenever I want. Typically I feel guilty about moving out (weird I know!) and have helped out wherever I reasonably can (cooking for the kids, filling her car with fuel etc) I continue to pay the mortgage and school fees, insurance policy premiums, council tax the lot. I merely ask that she feeds the kids and pays her own power bills. My question is this: Does a woman in this position usually turn into a "Jeckyll and Hyde" character? She remains unemployed by her own choice, and is all lovey-dovey until I mention that I expect her to start standing on her own 2 feet. She has enough income without a job to go on jollies to France, spend £600 on footwear, but hits the roof when I tell her the power bill is her responsibility. She immediately tells me that she will let them cut her off rather than pay, and by so doing throws the kids straight into the firing line. Her first weapon is to accuse me of letting my kids suffer. Then I am informed that I have a duty to house, feed and clothe her until she says I don't have to. She thinks she has a licence to sponge off me forever! Now I know she is probably feeling a bit sore that I have stopped being her doormat, but does anyone else have any experience of this kind of shizophrenic behaviour? How far should I let it go, and will she ever stick to things she agrees to? Are the lawyers the only way ahead?
Athena Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Sounds like a power battle she has going on with you. She knows she doesn't like a loss of control (of your finances), so she is experimenting by kicking up a fuss as soon as you try placing limits/boundaries on her spending. Now why would you want to avoid going to a lawyer? If you stay married on paper, one day when you really do want a divorce, say -- when you meet Ms. Right, then a few years will be tacked onto her alimony rights. I agree you need to help pay for your children, but I am sure even the law would place limitations on what she can take. How long have you been married? Do you intend on getting a divorce? Does she agree to a divorce?
Trojan John Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 How is it reasonable for you to pay for the fuel in her car, the mortgage on a home you don't live in, and all whilst you're living at your parents' because of your unemployed wife's infidelity ? She is treating you like a doormat, and you are allowing it. Of course she's going to be upset now that you're starting to pick yourself up off the floor.
lkjh Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 You need to take the power even if that means getting a attorney and standing a little more firm on the budget. She cheated, its not your job to pay for everything you two are equals.
troubadour Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Wibble... you are a doormat. Get a lawyer and get divorced. Sorry if I sound too harsh but I could never understand guys like you.
HappyAtLast Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Then I am informed that I have a duty to house, feed and clothe her until she says I don't have to. ] Not true. You do have that responsibility to your children, not to your wife. You married her, you did not adopt her and agree to be responsible for her forever. A divorce changes all of that, the cheating piece is irrelevant. See a lawyer, as soon as possible.
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