alwayssme Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 I met this guy a couple of months ago..He is cute and seems like a good person, BUT either i'm retarded or my heart is just not into him...i want him to be my friend but he wants more than that I feel stupid for not liking him that way because there is nothing wrong with him, however I'm still not over my ex...And what hurts the most is that my ex is actually talking to the girl he went out with before me and he really likes her...so not only did he break my heart BUT he also has someone he likes that he hangs out with, although he's not with her... I know I shouldn't compare but it's sooo unfair...why do I get all the pain out of this situation..all because I actually meant it when I said "I love you" and he didn't....Can us broken hearted people get ANY sattisfaction besides "enduring pain makes you stronger and a better person"? LOL... I feel guilty in a way for not liking the guy I'm dating...He's good on paper but my heart is with my ex who doesnt even love me anymore...and not just that, i just simply dont like anybody right now...while my ex does!!!! *sigh* well if anything i hope me and this guy can be good friends P.S: I miss my ex boyfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel stupid
Surfer Dude Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 From what you've written, it seems to me you're not ready to start dating just yet. Put yourself in this guy's perspective. He really likes you and wants to have something more with you, and if you keep leading him on he will eventually start resenting you for it and move on. You should really make it clear to him asap whether you want to be friends or something more. It's just unfair to string him along till you decide what you really want. I hope you make the right choice for you, Always As for your ex liking someone else and you're not, I know exactly how you feel. It was impossible for me to understand how my ex could start dating so many guys only a few days after we broke up. The answer to that is quite shocking, but it's necessary to know it: they never really cared, they didn't establish a deep emotional connection with us. When you love someone deeply and feel very connected, it is just impossible to replace that person in a matter of days (or even weeks, months).
Geishawhelk Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Ok. I'll bite. Stop whingeing, self-sabotaging and let yourself go, and enjoy. The only one stopping you is....yup, you know how it goes. I'm going to sound very hard and callous, but I'm going to verbalise something a lot of people may be thinking. People who come on and sound like stuck records, stop getting responses after a while, because all they seem to want is tea and sympathy. Any constructive help or support seems to fall on deaf ears. So after a while they think: "What's the point? They'll only be back tomorrow with more sad stuff!" We can all show you the map. Getting there, and following directions - is your task.
lofi_tokyo Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Ok. I'll bite. Stop whingeing, self-sabotaging and let yourself go, and enjoy. The only one stopping you is....yup, you know how it goes. I'm going to sound very hard and callous, but I'm going to verbalise something a lot of people may be thinking. People who come on and sound like stuck records, stop getting responses after a while, because all they seem to want is tea and sympathy. Any constructive help or support seems to fall on deaf ears. So after a while they think: "What's the point? They'll only be back tomorrow with more sad stuff!" We can all show you the map. Getting there, and following directions - is your task. I agree with Geisha, Always. While its very important, I believe, to keep posting your feelings to track your progression towards healing, lately you have been posting a lot of stuff that shows you going in circles. I suppose, as Geisha explained - people can give you a map, but its up to you to read the directions, rather than going in circles. Ask yourself why you keep obsessing over how your ex fell out of love. Why must you understand precisely how it happened? It did, my friend, it has happened. Regardless of how others have fallen out of love, you may never know precisely how or WHY your ex left you. I don't think anyone can say exactly how they started falling out of love so much as... people just realize that the person they are with is not the person they want to spend their life with. The person they are with could have done nothing in particular wrong per say - but the dumper just... falls out of love, those initial feelings of attraction wear off, and they move on. Part of those feelings are hormonal - meaning that it is not an active choice on the part of the dumper to get over a person, their body actually starts to turn off towards the person. Theres a lot behind it, love can't be brought to a science, and you won't find an absolute truth on loveshack, or anywhere else - so why keep searching for it? One thing I find you constantly saying is that you spent every day with your ex, every moment, you were so intimately close. I was in a long distance relationship, and while I cannot pretend it is the same as a close distance relationship, I shared that bond with my ex too. Many people have. It is impossible to compare one persons level of feelings to another persons. I think part of what is holding you back is you keep clinging to the fact that your ex just loved you SO much once. A love unlike any other. How can you measure? I guess... I got caught in a trap too here on LS, I did. There was a week where I posted a TON of threads asking why. But... I realized I was being silly. I realized I was holding myself back by constantly posting about how I couldnt move on. Start thinking progressively. Start moving forward - in a straight line, towards getting over your ex. Its okay to feel bad, but look at good too - actively seek to see yourself healing. I'm posting this only because I care Always. I want to see you heal.
Surfer Dude Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 I guess... I got caught in a trap too here on LS, I did. There was a week where I posted a TON of threads asking why. But... I realized I was being silly. I realized I was holding myself back by constantly posting about how I couldnt move on. Start thinking progressively. Start moving forward - in a straight line, towards getting over your ex. Its okay to feel bad, but look at good too - actively seek to see yourself healing. I'm posting this only because I care Always. I want to see you heal. Great advice. It's really easy to fall into that trap, where we start feeling sorry for ourselves and keep asking why. Nothing could be more detrimental to healing than dwelling on the past and trying to figure out why some things happened. They happened because someone made a choice and it affected us. Period. Time to move on and start living our lives once again. Thinking about past won't change it, but I understand it's almost like an obsession/compulsion. It's very important to break it.
EmperorR Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Ah I know how you feel, I'm talking to this girl right now I told her everything about with my ex I thought it would push her away but it didn't, I'm starting to like her now, SCREW MY EX. No way will I allow my ex to destroy any of my future relationships. I guess the real reason I didn't want to get to close to anyone was because like a idiot I was thinking what if my ex comes back and I'm with someone new what do I do. Now I'm smarter screw the cheater screw the past. My ex started dating someone a week after she dumped me, ya it hurts it makes you think that the years you spent with that person was nothing to them. But don't dwell on the past something you can't change, work on now work on your future. I'm sorry your ex is probably not coming back and if one day he does you will probably be over him.
Author alwayssme Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 Okay in response... the fact that im not really into this guy does not have everything completely to do with my ex...i just simply dont see him like that...am i supposed to "force" myself? How am I holding myself back because I don't feel that way towards him? And no I'm not looking for "sympathy", I'm just simply expressing how I feel...Although you can do everything you can to get over someone you love and keep yourself busy, sometimes the heart doesnt listen to "directions"..yes it does get better with time but everyone is different and for some people it takes a longer time while for others a shorter time... Do I want to feel depressed? Do I want to be sad? Hell no I don't. But regardless of what I do, yes i still miss him and yes it still hurts...there really is no need to criticize somebody because they are having a hard time moving on........I'm hurting and when i write on LS I'm not asking for "a map" I'm just simply asking for people to talk to besides my friends...maybe 4 months may seem like a long time to still be hurting over someone u love and if it is like that, then ok maybe it is. But that's simply how I feel...I guess I do write too many posts wit the same **** over n over again *sigh* i've never been this depressed in my life and i just feel the need to talk about it...maybe a little too much i guess
You'reasian Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Do I want to feel depressed? Do I want to be sad? Hell no I don't. But regardless of what I do, yes i still miss him and yes it still hurts...there really is no need to criticize somebody because they are having a hard time moving on........I'm hurting and when i write on LS I'm not asking for "a map" I'm just simply asking for people to talk to besides my friends...maybe 4 months may seem like a long time to still be hurting over someone u love and if it is like that, then ok maybe it is. But that's simply how I feel...I guess I do write too many posts wit the same **** over n over again *sigh* i've never been this depressed in my life and i just feel the need to talk about it...maybe a little too much i guess Its natural to grieve. Sorry that your ex has moved on and you still miss him - but now that he is out of your life, you should focus on you for a while, right? When I broke up with my ex, sure I thought about her and missed her, but I know that I need to take care of myself and that my duties and responsibilities are bigger than me - plus I remembered the reasons why our relationship didn't work (and I'd wager that she and I have completely different stories on how & why, despite the honest/straight forward communication that took place right when issues came up). Someday you will find unconditional love. Yes. You will find a man that will love you no matter what, regardless of what you do or say - but until then you need to focus on you Best of luck!
openbook08 Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Hi alwaysme, I just wanted to tell you to stop being so hard on yourself. Youre absolutely right that we all handle our breakups in different ways. Theres nothing wrong with you & I can assure you that recently Ive been feeling exactly the same as you sweetheart so theres at least 2 crazy b's on here!! but I really dont think the other posters were trying to patronise or scold you. you know, as well as I do, that theyre right. There were days when I was feeling like you are that I could tell myself all those things youve been advised and Id believe them and dust myself off & try again but now there also seem to be days where I cant. Even though I know its fruitless, all the whys, hows?? I posted before about a story I heard about imagining theres a black dog & a white dog fighting inside you, if you wanna know which one wins, its the one you feed the most. right now we're feeding the wrong dog lovey.its a setback but thats it. a setback. youll get there. as will I! I cant advise you on the dating as no-one asks me out (hence the depression!!!) dam lack of dating scene in Ireland! at least youve got a "scene" ha ha. do what feels right. put you first for a change. and its been a few months for me too. but dont try to compare yourself to others or some kinda 'getting over him' months scale!! (God I hope that doesnt exist!!!)
EmperorR Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Okay in response... the fact that im not really into this guy does not have everything completely to do with my ex...i just simply dont see him like that...am i supposed to "force" myself? How am I holding myself back because I don't feel that way towards him? And no I'm not looking for "sympathy", I'm just simply expressing how I feel...Although you can do everything you can to get over someone you love and keep yourself busy, sometimes the heart doesnt listen to "directions"..yes it does get better with time but everyone is different and for some people it takes a longer time while for others a shorter time... Do I want to feel depressed? Do I want to be sad? Hell no I don't. But regardless of what I do, yes i still miss him and yes it still hurts...there really is no need to criticize somebody because they are having a hard time moving on........I'm hurting and when i write on LS I'm not asking for "a map" I'm just simply asking for people to talk to besides my friends...maybe 4 months may seem like a long time to still be hurting over someone u love and if it is like that, then ok maybe it is. But that's simply how I feel...I guess I do write too many posts wit the same **** over n over again *sigh* i've never been this depressed in my life and i just feel the need to talk about it...maybe a little too much i guess Keep writing alwayssme, no one is judging or anything we've all been in there. That's the thing I love about loveshack you can just say what you feel and you people are going through that or have been through that.
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