jlp77 Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Hello Everyone, I am in a situation that I need advice on. May be a long story but I appoligize in advance. Anyway, I am currently going through a divorce but it isn't official yet due to financial reasons. I started dating someone I work with 6.5 months ago. He is also going through a divorce as well. This is gonna sound really crazy but he has been seperated from his soon to be ex-wife since 2006 and has been living with some other girl for over a year. He doesn't have feelings for her but is stuck there due to his financial issues. He has been fighting for custody of his two children and recently have decided on shared parenting. Now he has an upcoming trial for child support reduction. Anyway, the entire time we have been together, we have never gotten into a fight, have an awesome relationship and have been sleeping together several times a week. He said he loves me and thinks that I am the one. The problem is that everytime we get super close, he pulls back from me and wants to slow our relationship down but then he starts leading it back where it was prior to when he wanted to take things slow. So since this new trial is coming up he is moving out of that girl's house to get his own place and wants to only be with me. He told me that he wants us to be a family. We love each other deeply. So right before thanksgiving he sends me a txt saying that he loves me and will call me when he can and not to txt him. So I honored his wishes since we both have to hide our relationship b/c we are both living with people still. My soon to be ex will be moving out after the 1st of the year. He keeps asking me when mine is moving out and I tell him the truth. He always makes comments about how he wishes he was in my bed at night and how he can't wait until he is. But what makes no sense is how after the txt he sent me the day before thanksgiving, he never called or txted me the entire time. So he comes back to work that tues and is acting strange. He decides to txt me and say that he wants to put our relationship on hold. That he is not up for this right now, that it is not fair to his kids. He is gonna lay low so he can get his sh** together. I asked him if he was breaking up with me and he said no, breaking up is so perminent and that he is not sure what the future holds. I asked him if he is gonna see other people and he said no, he doesn't have the time or energy to. I asked him if he still feels the same about me and he said yes and then I asked him if he still wants to be with me after he gets his crap together and he said yes (exact words were) you or no one. He told me that if if I want to wait for him that it was up to me that if I see someone I like not to let him hold me back that he will get me back when he is ready. The hard part is that he doesn't want to have any contact with me. We work together so I see him everyday. He blushes everytime he looks at me like he always has, and he makes it a point to find a way to stare at me. He asks me everyday how I am doing. He keeps touching my leg when I am standing by him. The day after he told me he wanted to put our relationship on hold he txt me I think you are HOT and perfect! I replied back, I think you are to. Do you miss me? He wrote back, yes of course I miss you. I sent him an I love you message and he said it back to me. Now the next two days after that, he will not respond to my I love you txt messages. I don't know what to do. He also made a comment the day he told me that he wanted to take a break that I need to get my sh** together too. I am wondering if he is testing me to make sure I am really leaving my husband so he knows I am serious so he doesn't get hurt. The both of us were in a marriage where we both got cheated on numerous times and were lied to constantly. So we both have some trust issues but have always been honest with one another. I am just not sure what is happening here. He told me that this break is only gonna be for a couple of months so he can get his stuff together. Then I found out the house he wanted to rent, he is now trying to buy. I just want to know what all of you think out there about this situation. I am so scared that I am gonna loose him. How can you be so in love with someone and put your relationship on hold like this. Am I overreacting or am I missing something. Any advice is much appreciated. I am just hurting so bad and I miss him constantly. Very hard to work with someone that you fell in love with and they keep acting normal then at the same time keep trying so hard to stay away from you. Thanks so much!!!
Author jlp77 Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 whoa. power to you for even trying to keep your **** together....its hard because hes saying one thing but doing another. its like he wants to keep you around for him while he gets his **** together. what i don't understand and never will is why people use that excuse. " i love you but i cant be in a relationship right now because i need to get my life together" sounds like a load of crap to me. cause i have heard it before. and everyone tells me that MY guy who told me the same exact words YOUR guy did, just wants to discover more fish in the sea, and then come back to us if they don't find something better. then other people tell me that he has too many insecurities and feels like if he cant make himself happy how is he supposed to make me happy. but i think that if someone really wanted to be with you they would be with you. whether theyre poor rich separated married divorced. doesnt matter. if they really love you then they will be with you. i think hes testing you to see your devotion to him. to see if you will wait for him since you claim t love him to much. i think he wants to test to see if your gonna jump on the first horse that comes along after him. maybe hes one of those people that believe in destiny and that if your meant to be with that person then you will be. that if he and you cant be together now you will be someday. i hope i helped in some way or another. i myself am going through very similar situation. and no one seems to say anything besides "time will heal"..."if he loved you he'd be with you"... and " your obsessed get over him!" Hello, well, I am thinking more along the lines of him testing me to make sure I am really gonna follow through on what I said I was gonna do. I think he fears that I am not gonna leave my husband since he is still living here. He has asked me so many times when he is moving out. Due to our situation at this time, we are kind of stuck like this for a little bit longer. We are in the middle of a bankruptcy and we can't file for divorce until that is done. I have told him that. I think he will feel much better once he has moved out of here. I can't blame him b/c I am worried about him moving out of where he lives. He sent me a txt message last night at 4:10 a.m and it said "I love and miss u. Don't reply" What do you think of that one? I really think he is one of those people who can't handle lots of stress at one time and can't juggle having a serious relationship while going through a divorce and moving out of some other woman's house at the same time. He has told me time and time again that he only wants me and that he wants us to be a family because both of us have kids. I only have one and he has two. My divorce is not going to be as complicated as his b/c we aren't fighting over the child or the house. My soon to be ex is moving out the second week in Jan. I guess I will just have to see what happens til his trial in Jan is over. Why do you think he is buying that house instead of renting it? I forgot to mention how he keeps asking me if I am going to make it on my own. Do you think the reason for him buying that house is so he can have me and my daughter move in with him and his kids so we can be a family? I am so confused. I do really love him and I am gonna prove that to him since I told him that I don't want to be with anyone else but him. And I told him that I would wait b/c he is worth it. I really do feel we were meant to be together. I have never felt like this with anyone before. So I think that says something. I have also never had a guy feel the way he does toward me before. It is just hard to work together each day and be on hold. He put a smiley face on a post it note and put it on my desk the other day and I went to him to see if it was him that did it and he said yes and was blushing all over the place as he always does. I just can't wait until this hold thing is over. What do you think of him sending me that txt at 4:10 in the morning? I think he is loosing it without me just like I am loosing it without him. I don't think either of us can sleep.
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