SarahT111 Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Does anyone ever feel worse when they go out? A friend of mine had a party last night and I decided I would force myself to go and try and have a good night. Unfortunately the complete opposite happened and I ended up at home bawling my eyes out. At the party there were tons of guys there. Not one took my fancy. Seeing all these guys made me miss my ex SOO much more. I tired to shake the feeling and go up and talk to a few people but no one paid any interest in me at all. hey would say hi, basically excuse themselves and go after the hot blonde girls. I didnt walk around sulking either, I really did try and be myself but I got knocked back so many time. I felt like the loneliest person in the world. My chest tightened and my heart started beating a million beats per second. A MASSIVE overwhelming wave of depression hit me I missed my ex SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Much at that point. No-one else was even the slightest bit interested in me and the only guy who once was has now gone. I felt so scared and so alone. Terrified actually. I haven’t had such strong feelings like this in a while Towards the end of the night people began to leave, I was stuck in a mini van with four couples all going home with each other, and then there was me being dropped home alone. I can’t describe how much it hurt. My heart was ripping apart the whole way home and I missed my ex more than anything in the world. I got home and bawled my eyes out for hours on end. I am so scared and I feel so lonely. Nothing seems to work anymore, I can’t shake the pain and im about ready to give up. I really am sick of waking up every morning! It’s been a month since we broke up and a month of NC. I know (from being his friend for years) that my ex moves on after around a month and has a new partner within that time. After all the rest of his relationships he was single for about a month before getting someone else. I know the day will come soon where I hear he has someone new and im afraid it will push me off the edge. Im frustrated at myself, I have tried EVERYTHING to move on but nothing works! I can’t get him out of my head and it seems to be hurting more and more with time not less!! Please help me.
TeaAbraham Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 I know how you feel. It seems like nobody notices you anymore! It is very hurtful. You feel ugly and stupid and uninteresting and self-conscious (or I do, haha). Not all the time, but sometimes. It is such a change from having somebody all over you all the time! I always thought I was the smartest, sexiest guy in the world when I was with my ex! And now even though I am working out more and studying more I feel stupider and uglier. Those really special people aren't easy to come by though. These things take time! I know I feel horrible walking around campus and nobody pays you any attention. Sometimes there's that one person who will finally even just look at you for more than half a second, haha. I constantly wonder, why doesn't anybody pay me any attention! But what do I expect? I think I am just experiencing emotional withdrawls from having that constant contact with another. It's been about two months here, and I am starting to feel better without always having another with me. I'm just saying that these things take time. You can't expect every guy you meet to mesh with you, or even every 20 guys. These things are really normal, it just feels so much worse becaues you are used to being thought of as special all of the time! Don't worry. Don't let it get you down. Something will happen where you will be so busy doing other things and having so much fun that you won't even have time to think about your ex. A new guy may pop up and you'll be too busy thinking about him. But it doesn't happen overnight. Please don't feel bad! I know how you're feeilng, but you've gotta get right back up after you stumble a little bit.
Tarantula Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Its all very hurting , but try not to make an issue of it all . Try to avoid going to such parties till you have this sort of hard feelings... In some time you will Not have same feelings, but this while you need to avoid it .. God bless!
Geishawhelk Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 ...I decided I would force myself to go and try and have a good night. First mistake. If you need to 'force' yourself, you're already unwilling and giving off terribvle vibes.You're there under duress.... even if it's your own. You sabotage your own fun. At the party there were tons of guys there. Not one took my fancy. Seeing all these guys made me miss my ex SOO much more. Second mistake. making comparisons. When you do that, everybody always comes off a poor second. Automatically. You weren't being very fair, really. If your ex hadn't even been in the picture, I'm willing to bet you'd have been a bit more open and enthusiastic. As it is, you sabotaged your fun. Again. I tired to shake the feeling and go up and talk to a few people but no one paid any interest in me at all. Sorry, but there's a world of difference between a "hi, my names miss ex and how are you?" and "Hi my name's miss x and how are you *THINKS: by the way, I really don't want to be here tonight, and I'm talking to you, because I'm forcing myself to do so*". It stands out a mile. hey would say hi, basically excuse themselves and go after the hot blonde girls. So that means you were the only cold brunette. didnt walk around sulking either, I really did try and be myself but I got knocked back so many time. You don't think you did, but I bet you did. I felt like the loneliest person in the world. My chest tightened and my heart started beating a million beats per second. A MASSIVE overwhelming wave of depression hit me I missed my ex SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Much at that point. No-one else was even the slightest bit interested in me and the only guy who once was has now gone. Self-sabotaging. Again. And you really think this doesn't show in your demeanour, expression or body language.....? Think again..... I can’t describe how much it hurt. My heart was ripping apart the whole way home and I missed my ex more than anything in the world. And again, I'm sure nobody noticed a thing. Im frustrated at myself, I have tried EVERYTHING to move on but nothing works! I can’t get him out of my head and it seems to be hurting more and more with time not less!! Please help me. I know it hurts, but really, the only one who can do this, and really be willing to do it is you. Until you stop comparing and wishing, you're not trying everything. Are you?
CaliGuy Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 In short, it will at first. But with practice you will get more and more confortable, more and more confident and sooner or later, bump into the right guy. Cheers.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 SarahT, you need to take a day entirely for yourself and lounge around the bed and eat as much chocolate as you want. Then when you want to either puke it all out or cry until your eyes hurt, that's when you realize you've purging yourself of your ex. I know it hurts, I've been through that phase of endless crying and sleepless nights, with the only things on my mind being my ex. I was miserable. But I tried not to make a point that he made my life wonderful, even though we had our treasured moments. But I also realized that he had many faults with himself that's hard to change. So I give myself time to enjoy being by myself, which I have to say worked wonders. You notice alot of things that are much clearer to you then before.
alwayssme Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 hey Sarah, its normal to feel that way..When I go to parties I feel the same...even though guys are interested in me, im just not interested in them and i dont liek parties anyway...getting drunk and acting crazy is not my thing...the only time i enjoyed getting drunk was with my ex...other than that i hate it... its been 4 months for me and i miss him so0ooooooo much...nobody compares to him, nobody is him...HELL NOT EVEN "HE" IS WHO I FELL IN LOVE WITH ANYMORE so imagine that...its not like i can call my ex and talk to him when i'm feeling down because he is not the same person with me anymore... WORST PART is i see him flirting with this girl on facebook...ouch!!! i was his first everything and he is not that type of guy, so seeing him give his attention to someone else reallyyyyy hurts... it has been 4 months!!! i dont even know who i am anymore...HUGE MISTAKE of making my whole life about me and him...now that he's gone, his absence hurts...and what hurts me even more is that he would be sooooo cold to me now if i were to call him...its as if he died...except he didnt, he is still alive, not giving a damn about me and flirting and liking other girls I'm gonna volunteer for those less fortuante, go to a church...try to meet new people....jeez i dont freakin know what else to do....i hate being in love!! its such a funny thing becuase when i was in love it was heaven, the best feeling ever...now that i lost him and he treated me like crap...it was hell, a very harsh new reality to get my head around..but its been 4 months i should be used to this........i'm just a stupid girl in love with someone who doesnt want me anymore :( But i Do believe someday we will get over this...it's just a phase to go through and it does get better with time!
Mayim Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Ugggh. I am also in the dumps today due to a not so great out last night. Nothing worse than trying to put on a happy face when it's the farthest thing from how you really feel.
Author SarahT111 Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 Hey all! Thanks heaps for your replies!!! I really appreciate it! Its great to know im not alone on this one! I went to a counciller the other day as I just felt I wasn't handling things very well. She asked me if I wanted to go out and be with friends etc to which I said no that I didnt really feel like it, she replied saying I had to force myself to go out so I did! Except it just made me feel sooooooooooo much worse It sux Im not really a big party animal either, I dont really like going out and getting drunk and crazy every weekend. I (like you alwaysme) only really enjoyed drinking with me ex. My ex was the same, which is one of the reasons I liked being with him so much, im not really into big drinkers or party animals but thats all the guys my age seem to do! So I feel so scared that I wont be able to find anyone else (not that I want anyone else anyway) Anyway sorry to ramble on again, thanks so much for the replies! I guess il just stay at home until I feel comfortable to go out again! Thanks again!
Recommended Posts