About to leave him with no explanation or should I explain it to him?

[Brendi_thesnake]

I will be seeking help sometime later either today or tomorrow but first of all I will end my 4 month old relationship due to the fact that I can't deal with this if nothing is there.

 

In the past I have left two guys without any explanation and changed my number. No reason, just got bored and then started talking to another guy right away.

 

Yes I'm aware many people don't do that. They don't just vanished for no reason.

 

Now I will leave him but really should I explain it to him? What if he asked for the reason, I got none whatsoever.

 

I imagine he would be like ''Why you dumping me'' and I would reply '' I don't know, I just want to, bye''.

[Cub]

And... you don't see the problem with this impersonal way of breaking people's hearts.

 

Meh. Sorry, maybe someone else can help you.

[Tarantula]

Tell all your future partners that you are about to leave them in some time so that they have no issues afterwards !

 

And with this present partner be gentle ! Tell him that you leave him as he was a bad clown to save you from boredom and make you happy !

[Brendi_thesnake]

And... you don't see the problem with this impersonal way of breaking people's hearts.

 

Meh. Sorry, maybe someone else can help you.

 

No I see nor feel nothing at all, thus why I'm seeking help. I know I can't be normal if I can just dump or insult someone and right away act as if nothing happen.

[norajane]

Yes, you should - at the very least - tell him you're breaking up with him. If you don't do that, he will have no idea that you actually have left him until some time later after he's tried reaching you endlessly, or called your disconnected number and think WTF?. Not only is this rude, but it makes people very angry and upset, and they've done nothing to deserve crap treatment like that. Some guys might even be concerned that you're lying in a hospital or dead or something if you just drop off the face of the earth.

 

And yes, you should offer an honest explanation. All you have to do is tell them that you don't have feelings for them any more.

 

It sounds like these are all short relationships, so it's not likely that you're going to break many hearts. You've probably already given them many signs of disinterest, so they won't be too surprised and may have thought of breaking up with YOU already.

 

Be courteous to people that you have relationships with, especially when breaking up with them. They've been kind to you and have done nothing wrong, so why treat them like crap in the end?

[Brendi_thesnake]

Be courteous to people that you have relationships with, especially when breaking up with them. They've been kind to you and have done nothing wrong, so why treat them like crap in the end?

 

Thank you and yes I will inform him today. True almost all my exs' have been nice to me and yet I just continue acting like myself either through cheating or dumping all of the sudden, I guess that's my real me.

 

Yes it's a short relationship but last month he told me he loves me, yet I never felt that. In fact I either he's like a stranger, ghost to me.

[Eyeofthoth]

Sounds like you might have some kind of attachment disorder.

 

Does it bother you in the broader sense that you never seem to go long term or fall in love in your relationships?

 

I agree that you should tell people you are dating early on about your history and your problems forming attachments, because it isn't fair to them to be dating someone who possibly isn't really emotionally available.

 

You will reallly hurt a lot of people if you just continue like this.

 

It's great though that you would come on and post here because a lot of people who act like this would not care enough to do that and would just continue such a pattern indefinitely.

 

There are people who, through no fault of their own and due to some damage that has occurred to them somewhere along the line, really are just "heartless."

[Gremio]

I will be seeking help sometime later either today or tomorrow but first of all I will end my 4 month old relationship due to the fact that I can't deal with this if nothing is there.

 

In the past I have left two guys without any explanation and changed my number. No reason, just got bored and then started talking to another guy right away.

 

Yes I'm aware many people don't do that. They don't just vanished for no reason.

 

Now I will leave him but really should I explain it to him? What if he asked for the reason, I got none whatsoever.

 

I imagine he would be like ''Why you dumping me'' and I would reply '' I don't know, I just want to, bye''.

 

If you are being honest right now, I will too. I think you're a cold hearted, malevolent person. You play with people like it's a game.

 

A relationship is two ways, give and take. You are only taking.

[norajane]

No I see nor feel nothing at all, thus why I'm seeking help. I know I can't be normal if I can just dump or insult someone and right away act as if nothing happen.

 

I'm glad you are seeking help. It may be a longer-term process, but a necessary one if you are ever to feel something for someone. I'm guessing your issues also affect your friendships, work relationships, and relationships with your family (which may have been troubled to begin with).

 

Since you recognize that you have some issues and want to do something to address it, you have a good chance of success.

 

Good luck to you!

[Brendi_thesnake]

I think you're a cold hearted, malevolent person. You play with people like it's a game.

A relationship is two ways, give and take. You are only taking.

 

This is what I'm dealing with, there's something wrong within me. For example, I noticed I tend to have no reaction if I was ending relationships, getting caught cheating on a tests, getting tested on a lie detector test or seeing homeless people, plus I have lie to my friends multiple times (sometimes to get what i want).

I know I have a personality disorder as it has been stated on my previous threads, which won't let me see how I'm hurting people.

[Tarantula]

She can`t help herself even if you tell her all the worst words you know about being antihuman non loving cruel brutal lover as she seems to be by her actions .

She has a real problem of being unable to be committed in the real sense of this word and actually is not ready and mature to be in relationships at all . Still .

All what i would advise her is Just to have fun ,but not on other people`s feelings .

 

 

 

 

 

God bless!

[Brendi_thesnake]

I'm glad you are seeking help. It may be a longer-term process, but a necessary one if you are ever to feel something for someone. I'm guessing your issues also affect your friendships, work relationships, and relationships with your family (which may have been troubled to begin with).

 

Since you recognize that you have some issues and want to do something to address it, you have a good chance of success.

 

Good luck to you!

 

Thank you and I guess I must be one of the only few people actually admiting never experiencing love, guilt nor having empathy but wanting to learn them so badly.

[Geishawhelk]

Have you actually ever spoken to a psychologist about this?

I'm not trying to be weird, but your brain might actually be wired wrong.

 

The fact is, that if you really were a cruel, callous, heartless person, first of all you'd be somewhat....."proud" of it, and arrogant, I'd imagine, and secondly, you certainly wouldn't be seeking feedback or advice.

You'd also be a lot more defensive.

 

There is a possibility that either through cerebral development, or through experiential trauma, you have actually gort part of your neuron/sensors, locked down, inactive or dysfunctional.

 

I would personally believe this worth examining in greater medical detail.

 

For my part.

 

I know a condition does exist, but I would hate to put forward any form of amateur diagnosis (even hypothetically) or bring any definitive condition to the table.

 

But I'd look into it further.

 

Just my 50th of a dollar.....

[Gremio]

This is what I'm dealing with, there's something wrong within me. For example, I noticed I tend to have no reaction if I was ending relationships, getting caught cheating on a tests, getting tested on a lie detector test or seeing homeless people, plus I have lie to my friends multiple times (sometimes to get what i want).

I know I have a personality disorder as it has been stated on my previous threads, which won't let me see how I'm hurting people.

 

I have always lived my life by this and truly believe in it (this also has nothing to do with religion). I live by the golden rule. I believe that you should treat people the way you expect to be treated. Hence why I could never cheat on someone. I know I would be devastated if it happened to me.

 

Put yourself in the other persons shoes. Think how you would feel if they dumped you and changed their number. You may possibily feel if they went that far (to change a phone number) they must think you're crazy, so you're hurt even more.

 

Just think about the other person before you take an action. Think of the consequences. You will live a better life.

[alone_confused]

My ex never had empathy either, its a character flaw that i couldn't stand, I mean how damn hard is it to put yourself in someone Else's shoes..Sit down and think about it rather than spending your time thinking about your own needs and wants, doesn't anyone else matter to you besides your self?

 

Considering it seems you have never felt love, it could be hard, but imagine you met a guy and feel head over heels in love with him, he was perfect to you , you couldn't see enough of him, the sex was mind blowing, intense and then one morning you woke up after yet another awesome time together the night before and thought I'm going to text my baby just because i miss him, text unanswered, thats weird, wonder if he is okay, so you try call him, Hmmm number is disconnected, WTF, where is he, is he okay? did i do something wrong? all these things would be going through your mind, How damn selfish and cruel to treat any person like that, actually people wouldn't even treat an animal like that.

 

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but there is no excuse to end a relationship by running away and hiding, This person has spent 4 months of his life getting to know you, putting in effort to make sure he is meeting your needs and actually fell in love with you, and you can honestly sit there and say in your heart and mind that he deserves to be treated like a piece of crap.

 

you need to start valuing people more, regardless if you dont feel a thing for him, that cant be helped, though I'm sure thats more your problem than his, you need to grow up and sit him down and with sincere emotion and empathy explain to him that he has done nothing wrong, but you don't feel strongly for him and you cant see a point in continuing the relationship and that he deserves to be with someone who will love him the way he deserves to be loved..

 

My last piece of advice for whatever its worth is, stop playing with peoples hearts, when you meet a guy tell them straight up, I'm not looking for a relationship, i think you're a great guy etc, but i want to keep things on a casual level, because I'm not ready for anything more and probably never will be.

 

Remember one must care about themselves and be true to themselves, but one must also care about the other people around them and consider their feelings too, you would only expect the same in return.

[81West]

Hi Brendi,

 

You should do some research into sociopathy/psychopathy. You describe some of the aspects of this personality structure. It's good that you are asking for this kind of advice, because you may have to rely on cognitive processes to avoid victimizing others and to keep yourself out of trouble if you have weak/absent empathy, fear, impulse control etc. It is estimated that between 1 and 3 percent of the population is psychopathic. You may be one of the unlucky ones.

 

A lot of info here, but interesting for anybody who is willing to plough through it:

 

http://www.aftermath-surviving-psychopathy.org/resources.php

[DSM-IV Tom]

This is the second topic where she's more or less bragged about having a psychopathic disorder.

 

Let me clarify some things about it.

 

She isn't really seeking help. She's seeking to use you all, and absorb things from you all in order to help better herself to lie better, react better, etc., for her benefit.

 

She doesn't care about you, she doesn't care about the people that care about her, she just doesn't care in any way shape or form, and the only thing she's getting out of your replies, is how to better manipulate people.

 

Do you understand? If she really wanted help (which if she has a cluster B disorder, aka psychopathic disorder, she will never seek real help) she would see a psychologist. She doesn't truly want help though, she just wants to learn how to better manipulate people to serve her.

 

Do not waste your time. You can only "teach" her how to better herself, but not in the aspect you're thinking. Better herself as in how to manipulate people better.