libertygirl88 Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 He left in July and we are still texting; almost every day. He knows I want us to reconcile; I have told him that I still love him and cannot move on. In fact, just Tuesday I told him that if we cannot start dating and try to re-establish our relationship, I have to move on. I asked him to tell me what he wants, he told me I was being "mello-dramatic". He said he's not "ready" yet. Tomorrow my daughter is singing w Pat Boone and he is attending the concert w me and my other daughter; he keeps telling me that he loves the girls and can't NOT see them and misses us. I know he isn't seeing anymore else; we live in a small town. The day before he moved out, we were looking at houses to buy; my counselor says he got "scared and ran"; but I can't get him to open up and share what he's scared about. Everytime I do push him to talk, he pushes me away and we go NC for a few days. I don't know if I should let go and move on; I am so confused, its been since July and I am so lonely. I miss him so much. It seems like everytime I get close to letting go, he senses it and pulls me back in. I need advice! Has anyone else been thru anything like this?
Dmoney28 Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Hey, i understand the frustration you're going through. Me and my ex have been apart 3 months now. She says she dosent want to reconcile, but she refuses to let go. We agreed to go NC for a month...4 days she txt'd me "are you ok, havent heard form you"...um didnt we agree to NC. I think he wants to hold on to you , and make sure you wont see anyone else. You want to move on for your own emotional well being. He know after 4 months you are probly ready to move on and might persue another relationdhip. He sounds confused and unsure. You guys agreed to NC...enforce it. Tell him unless he wants to talk about trying again DO NOT call you. Strict NC will force him to either 1. move on as well...or 2. attempt to try again...but you HAVE to force NC for yourself. good luck. I know this place you're in is stressful and is unfair to you
EmperorR Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 You have to go COLD NC, stop replying to his text, or you will always cling to the little bit of hope and be stuck in the cycle. NC is the hardest thing to do but it's really worth it in the long run. He doesn't want to be in a relationship but wants you as your friend? that's ot good enough for you don't settle.
Angel1111 Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 I'm not usually a fan of NC but in this case, I think you need to do it because he needs to miss you so that he actually knows what it's like to be without you. Even though the two of you are technically broken up, you're not in some ways because you're in constant contact. If I were you, I'd just stop talking to him. It could very well be a wake up call for him because he obviously doesn't want to lose you completely. But he needs to know that that's a very real possibility. This will take time and confidence on your part because he'll probably not like it at first and will try to drag you back in again. But he isn't likely to come fully around to the realization that he doesn't want to live without you for about 3 mos. If it all works out, then that's way better than this arms-length relationship he's got going on with you right now that could go on forever. If it doesn't have any effect on him - which I doubt - then it would be just a matter of time before he walked away completely. This way, you get out with your dignity still intact. This is the time where you need to believe in yourself and realize that if you don't do something to shake things up, they'll stay in this grey area forever.
Author libertygirl88 Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 Thats exactly where I feel like I am stuck "in that gray area", we are not going anywhere right now. If I text him, he immediately responds and its been this way for the whole 4 months since he left. He just keeps saying he is "not ready to have me back in his life". It was his first long term relationship even though he's 36 and we were together for 2 1/2 years. We lived together with my kids and planned to buy a house together and even talked marriage. Since he left, his best friend died and I know he's going thru alot, but there does come a point where he needs to make some decisions. But he does not deal with his emotions.
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