I cant stand this, i dont know what i should do... i know what i wanna do..

[Baz0005]

Sorry its a little long, just want advice-givers to understand all angles

 

Alright, so i'm having trouble getting over this girl, and its been about 8 months since last conversation with her now. Let me give a little background. Met at uni, started hanging out alot (never 'dating' - practically no physical contact, torture right? well i got iron willpower), tried to move it to 'dating' there a few times but she had trust issues due to a guy who hurt her, real bad (didnt know that part till AFTER i broke up wit her). We were, apart from physically, everything a couple is, but i needed to be able to hug/kiss/hold hands etc. lol- sounds weird, but it is as important as emotional connection i reckon.

 

So was basically "going out" for 6 months (always- like 4-5/7 days a week- with her and her family/freinds etc.) and i got attached, as she did. I tried to make it official again the day after she spent christmas wit me and my family, and she wanted to call it 'seeing each other'. This didnt mean much to me, I got sick of it, backed out, told her i was done, didnt want to see her or talk to her again etc. Broke contact, ignored her calls and attempts to ignore id ever left her.

 

Two months later, i'm missing her and i'm sorry, i tell her this, and she tells me shes got a boyfriend. Wow. So at the Easter show i see her with my best friend. She's with one of my best friends. First i'd heard of it, got pissed, hurt and really shocked (obviously).

 

>>Now to interject here, this friend was also kinda a rival, same age, competitive etc. and expressed an interest in her when i was with her, but she pushed him away and assured me she felt nothing for him- though i remained suspicious (trust got ravaged at that point)<<

 

So she tells me she was lonely and crushed by how i broke up with her (text message, very wrong, very cold, but after 6 months i was pretty wound up- plus i was new at this stuff) and this guy emailed her on valentines day, 2 months after, etc. Despite all this, she asks me to wait, let her think, because she still wants to be with me, but isnt sure she can trust me. I wait a month, hanging with her (while she is also hanging wit my old friend when im not there), it feels good, she makes changes to the way she was that caused me to leave her, and i tell her i need an answer, cuz i wont wait forever, and i know she still feels for me, so she says if i need an answer right now (after a month) she cant trust me again after the way i left her, wishes she could be with both of us, tear herself in two etc., basically wont risk being wit me again.

 

All over. I just break off contact completely. Delete everything, just break off entirely and ensure i get all different classes to her. I try getting out, meeting new people, tryin to forget her, hating that she is with that ******** (if she still is- would she be? impossible to say).

 

>>Now meeting new people didnt go excellent, in that i didnt find any new relationships, but i just put my efforts back into my gym work, uni work, getting out on weekends and being, well, single<<

 

Now, 8 months later, im still missing her, her family, her friends, talking with her, being with her. Saw her watching me outside an exam the other day, but I didnt talk to her. I think i should have moved on by now, and yet im contemplating contacting her and trying again. I really miss her, and i really want to be with her. Knowing why she had toruble getting close to me makes me wish id never broken it off with her (and broken her heart again). But she never told me until i had left her, so i dont blame myself entirely- tho i had partially guessed this when i was with her.

 

If i talked to her now, would there be any chance do you think? I have thought about her daily, when i get time with my thoughts, regardless of what i do. Im sure (kinda) she still feels for me, but ive no idea how to rekindle it. Especially if she is wit my ex-best-friend, if she is, i cant be around her- hurts too much. Thanks for reading, and helping, for those who can .

 

Oh yeah, and she never gave my stuff back/ never gave her stuff back. That exchange didnt take place, if that changes anything. She's got my damn Evanescence CD! and Linkin Park! jeez... but seriously, teddy bears jewellery etc she has kept (presumably) in that she did not bring em in a box

[BCCA]

You were with a girl who didn't feel comfortable calling you her boyfriend or having sex with you after 6 months. Then, two months after you broke up with her, she's with someone else and calling him her boyfriend, and a good friend of yours no less.

 

To be honest, she just didnt seem like she was ever that into you. She seems like she's milking this break up you initiated to try and play it off like she was devistated about it, when she really didnt seem too concerned with your wants/needs/feelings. Truth be told, she was probably withholding sex from you almost intentionally in hopes you would dump her, and thus, spare her from being the jerk in the situation. And truth be told, if she dumped you for your buddy, you would see her picture in the dictionary next to the word 'b***h'.

 

You did the right thing, it just sucks to have your decision leveraged against you as if she was the only one hurting here. Let your stuff go, CD's are dirt cheap and replacable. Also, nothing you gave her, even if it was a diamond watch and a coach purse, needs to get back to you. You gave them to her, theyre hers now. And you had an obligation to get your stuff back imediately, its too late now.

 

Also, this seems like it was posted before...

[Left in a Lurch]

BCCA posted almost my exact thoughts, dead nuts on.

She possibly thought you were nice, and a LOT of fun, but she was not attracted to you at all. She used you.

Women will do funny things like banging other guys while "Dating" you and acting like they "have been hurt by someone before and can't connect or commit", or "want to take things slow...".

Sometimes you'll find out that she slept with every guy she met for the last 6 months EXCEPT for you.

I have a feeling that the next time you talk to her if you said your friend (her new bf), admitted to you they were going out/screwing while you were dating her, she would not deny it.

She is trying to keep you as her sexless meal ticket but trying to make you look like the bad guy so she can keep doing it without any guilt.

If she agreed to see you again, she would not commit to you and string you along with new excuses why she can't sleep with you.

This sounds bad, but I am pretty straightforward and you can catch almost anyone in a lie if you put it point blank- if you happen to cave in and go back to her and she ever agrees to go out with you again, on your second date you need to basically say, "Well it's time for sex. Give it up or get out." If she stone walls you, dump her. Dump her and make sure she knows that she is a dueche bag for playing you and let her know the guilt belongs to her and you will forever place the blame on her.

[BikerBeagle]

"if you happen to cave in and go back to her and she ever agrees to go out with you again, on your second date you need to basically say, "Well it's time for sex. Give it up or get out." If she stone walls you, dump her. "

 

LOL ...funny, but I'm sure, extremely effective.

 

I simply can't add to what has already been said.

[Baz0005]

Haha, hey guys thanks- ye i have posted here before but no one advised me. I guess you're more or less saying what i thought (tho i really think the no contact thing isn't person specific.. she's doin it to my best friend now, and she's done it before- she had this other prideless pathetic chasing her wen i was around guess its his hell)

 

To be honest my reasons for wanting to be with her dont really have much to do with her i think. More to do with my situation at the moment, which has left me kinda lonely and wanting to get out more- i wont get into it, it belongs in another forum. But yeah, i have ups and down about 'wanting' to 'be with her' again, tho really i dont think id do it. Just gotta wait out this dry spot till another chick i like comes along (hopefully this next one wont be a crazy frigid b...) Does help to hear people confirm im doin the right thing tho.