What do women think about a man who wants to date exclusively right off the bat?

[Stockalone]

This is a question for the ladies. Let's say you date a man who tells you the following within the first couple of dates:

 

"Hey, when I'm interested in a girl, I don't multi-date and expect the same from the other person, so we can focus on each other. What's your perspective?"

 

What are your thoughts, what would be your reaction to this?

 

Also, please state in your response which age group you belong to:

 

1. under 25
   
2. 25 - 35
   
3. 35+
   

 

Thanks.

[Geishawhelk]

I would completely agree.

 

3.

[Ronni_W]

"My perspective is that people have a right to their own preferences and expectations. Does that satisfy you, or do you need something else from me at this time?"

 

I'm 45+, female.

[Lizzie60]

Right off the bat.. I'd tell him to get lost.. unless we've been dating for a while and I'm pretty sure I want a serious relationship.. then I would think he's insecure and that would be a turn-off.

 

3.

[Trialbyfire]

If I were really interested in the guy, I would agree with no problems. If I wasn't convinced or were goofing around, I would disagree.

 

I'm 33 years old.

[shylight200]

I'm 22

 

I would agree only if I felt that strongly about the guy. However, if I wasn't ready to be exclusive, I would probably end things with him right there and then.

[itgirlragdoll]

After only one or two dates? I'd think he was insecure and probably wouldn't agree to it.

 

And I'm 21 years old. :]

[sunshinegirl]

After only one or two dates? I'd think he was insecure and probably wouldn't agree to it.

 

And I'm 21 years old. :]

 

 

Agree, unless I was already really into him. Which is rare. I usually need more time to suss a person out. I'm 34.

[Star Gazer]

I would agree ONLY IF I was totally, absolutely, school-girl giddy into the guy. That feeling is VERY rare right off the bat. In addition, while that may be his preferance, if he made it clear that he would NOT allow me to multi-date (notwithstanding my agreement), I'd tell him to scram as that level of control reeks of insecurity.

 

I'm 30, but I've felt this way my entire life. Hasn't changed over the years.

[norajane]

If I liked him, I would agree. I only date people I'm interested in...I'm not at all a multi-dater, and I usually know those people from other settings before accepting a date. So, that fits fine with my dating preferences.

 

#3

[Gremio]

I'm a male in my mid 20s. I agree with the idea of not multi-dating. I think it's a bad idea. Now in my mind I would expect it from the other person, but I would never tell them that. If they were multi-dating, I would take that as a strong hint they aren't that into me.

[amymarieca]

I fit into the aged 25-35 category. I had a guy recently ask me to be his girlfriend after 3 dates. I told him it was way too soon. Even if I am giddy over a guy, I still don't know enough about him to say that I actually want to be in a relationship with him. I say you have to date someone for at least a month before you make a decision like that.

[Gremio]

I fit into the aged 25-35 category. I had a guy recently ask me to be his girlfriend after 3 dates. I told him it was way too soon. Even if I am giddy over a guy, I still don't know enough about him to say that I actually want to be in a relationship with him. I say you have to date someone for at least a month before you make a decision like that.

 

The OP never mentioned asking to be boyfriend/girlfriend, just be exclusive to each other. I don't consider that a serious relationship.

[Star Gazer]

The OP never mentioned asking to be boyfriend/girlfriend, just be exclusive to each other. I don't consider that a serious relationship.

 

BF/GF and exclusive are one and the same, IMO.

[Gremio]

BF/GF and exclusive are one and the same, IMO.

 

I don't see that though. I don't want to spread my feelings around... someone will always get hurt. I was seeing someone about 2-3 months ago. We hit it off great, but after getting to know her, I didn't see agree with her morals, which really turned me off. I made sure she was aware that I was not looking into a serious relationship at that point.

 

Now a month ago a met someone else who I have great feelings for. The other woman still contacts me and I have cut her off. I was very interested in her at one point, but I don't want to get my feelings mixed up. Plus, I view seeing two different women as being a slut, player, etc. How would you think the first woman would feel if she saw me out with the second? Sure you may say she knew where I stood, but the words wouldn't matter. She may be very hurt, and I'm not going to do that to someone.

[xjadex]

If I was 'into' him, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

 

But I would probably be 'into' him anyway, otherwise I wouldn't even be dating him.

 

I'd prefer it that a man wanted to forget dating others, to spend his time wanting to get to know me. Means he LIKES me

 

I'm early thirties...

[AlektraClementine]

This is a question for the ladies. Let's say you date a man who tells you the following within the first couple of dates:

 

"Hey, when I'm interested in a girl, I don't multi-date and expect the same from the other person, so we can focus on each other. What's your perspective?"

 

What are your thoughts, what would be your reaction to this?

 

Also, please state in your response which age group you belong to:

 

1. under 25
   
2. 25 - 35
   
3. 35+
   

 

Thanks.

 

I wouldn't mind other than the use of the word "expect" in your sentence. It's fine that you have that expectation, but I wouldn't want to hear such a strong word so soon. That's probably the loudest word I would hear in that entire group of words.

 

25-35

[OpenBook]

I'm a little confused. The title of your thread, "What do women think about a man who wants to date exclusively right off the bat?" is a different question from your opening post:

 

"Hey, when I'm interested in a girl, I don't multi-date and expect the same from the other person, so we can focus on each other. What's your perspective?"

 

The title implies that the guy is directly asking a particular girl to date him exclusively. However, the opening post is a generic question asking about a girl's dating preferences in general... not specifically asking her to become exclusive with him.

 

The second question would make me feel... squirrelly and uncomfortable, like you're trying to put me on the spot. And depending on the tone of your voice and your body language, I might think that your goal was to "own" me - and that is a huge red flag for me. I would run for the hills!!

 

However, if I had only been out on a couple dates with you, but we were hot & heavy MUTUALLY with each other, and you looked deep into my eyes and told me you're crazy about me and you want to get serious with me, and asked me to become exclusive with you - I would consider it a compliment and get a little drooly-eyed.:love:

 

But - (and there's always a But:p) - no matter how hot & heavy it is, I think it's healthy for both parties to acknowledge that you are still getting to know each other, and the future (not to mention the relationship) is still wide-open to a broad range of possible outcomes.

 

So I think it's better not to say anything at all about exclusivity in the beginning... and just gradually and naturally move into it over time - like, months as opposed to days or weeks.

 

Hope this helps.

 

(I'm a female, 48)

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I think a lot of it depends on how you know the person. If this is someone you are already acquainted with, i.e. from work or social circles, and there has been some mutual built up tension and chemistry, then perhaps the desire to see each other exclusively would be present. However, if this is someone you randomly met in a bar or online, I think it would be a little weird.

[melodymatters]

Hey stock,

 

ALL of my "real" relationships have started that way ! We are either BOTH mutually very interested in seeing where this particular relationship will take us, and don't want to muddy the waters. ( plus, no sex until excusivity, and usually the lust is very much there in these situations ) or, it's casual dating and i'm not that into the guy. AND i only let myself invest when i can tell the guy is very invested in ME.

 

I'm catagory #3 but have been this way since my teens, so.....

[Trialbyfire]

To consolidate the responses of the 16 women:

 

under 25: No = 1, Yes if I were into him = 1

25 - 35: Yes = 1, No = 1, Yes if I were into him = 3, Unclear = 1

35+: Yes = 2, No = 4, Yes if I were into him = 2

 

This consolidation isn't to close down this survey, just a quick snapshot.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I forgot to put my age---36.

[Trialbyfire]

I forgot to put my age---36.

I knew your approx. age so I put you in that category! You were also added to the unclear since I was uncertain about your response. Can you do me a favour and pick one of the stated categories? I don't want to put someone into something, they don't agree with.

[melodymatters]

I knew your approx. age so I put you in that category! You were also added to the unclear since I was uncertain about your response. Can you do me a favour and pick one of the stated categories? I don't want to put someone into something, they don't agree with.

 

 

glad to see you're on the job TBF ! LOL:laugh:

 

the last 3 guys before my current marrige all stated by about date 3 ( which were all in the same week {not the same guys, the dates, lol}) something along the lines of " i'm not seeing anyone else/i want to take my profile down and concentrate on this relationship/I'd sure like to tell everyone were going out ( before meeting all his friends)/ I told the other girls i was seeing that I met someone special I wanted to concentrate on. etc.

 

just asked my H and we don't remember even having the excusivity talk, he just came over every day after work, moved in shortly after and we were pretty much engaged from that point on.

 

I think this is the way it should work : no stress, no effort, no worries, just 2 people who are simply and clearly VERY MUCH INTO EACH OTHER

[Trialbyfire]

glad to see you're on the job TBF ! LOL:laugh:

 

Can't help it. The analyst in me needs to analyze!