2sure Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I have wanted to start this for awhile. I didnt because I thought it might be viewed as in poor taste. But I have noticed posters in this forum can have a sense of humor. Keeping my humor under crisis is important for me. And I thought it might help recently BS know that life does go on. I have plenty, but can start with this. This was soon after D day while I was at the height of paranoia. (since recovered & happy) Had a manuscript mailed to my home for editing. It was sent from a friend, not the author (whom I did not know.) I read it, put it aside, & forgot about it. A month later Dog got it and strewed the pages about my bedroom. Last page ended up on husband's dresser. On laundry day he picked up his clean boxers from dresser top and put them in his underwear drawer. He didnt realize he had also picked up the last page of said manuscript. A week later I was packing for him and found a piece of paper in his drawer. Written on it was a woman's name and # - in her handwriting!! I saw it was written on the back of the manuscript, and knowing this paper had never left my bedroom - realized she must have been IN my bed. After googling her I found out she was a member of the local media, H & I have met her. Quite attractive. I continued packing for him, included my wedding rings and marriage certificate. Left her a message at her office, to call me. Sent H on his trip like nothing was wrong - knowing I would be gone when he got back. I said to myself: HOW COULD HE??? BRING ANOTHER WOMAN INTO MY HOME??? ESPECIALLY SINCE IT IS CLEARLY A MESS!!! (seriously, that was my thought - the mess on top of everything else) Then I realized she was the AUTHOR of the manuscript & had simply written her name / # on the back for comments. Husband sounded so confused when he called that night - wondering my rings and marriage cert. were in his shower bag.
Author 2sure Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 Uh oh. I was right about the poor taste. Won't be the first time.
imagine Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 There's a guy on the "other" forum that gets a distraught woman calling. She is cut off. Thinking that its his wife he phones her place of work where he understands she is working. The co workers finally tell him that she is off to meet her lover of some months. He still has no idea who made the original call. But by golly, the wife was busted...
Athena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Hey, I think this promises to be a fun thread... your post made me laugh. I can contribute some humor (?) as to how I found out about my C.H.'s latest affair! (i.e. dumbass) He came back from his trip and sat me down in front of his computer, then called up his prized collection of amusing, naughty, or interesting video clips that he gets from colleagues around the world. He showed me a few, clicking on the titles. After a half hour I had enough but he insisted I continue looking while he nip out to pick up a video that he wanted to watch. He was so helpful, that before he left, he even called them all up as thumbnail pictures on his screen (I don't know how to do this myself). He further volunteered info that there were photos of him at the bottom. He left to go to the store, and I continued to look at the clips for a couple of minutes then got up, but remembering he specifically mentioned the photos, I sat back down again and scrolled way, way, down to the bottom... :eek:Oh my! --- photos of some strange woman, asleep. Close-up pictures of her face, her hands, her feet, her knee (with huge wart:laugh:). I was confused. I clicked on more photos -- pictures of her in a little black cocktail dress with the bottom pulled way up high. THEN Pictures of HIM WEARING HER DRESS! then a close-up of him in this tight dress focused on showing his erection! Pictures of her in his apartment, wearing nothing but HIS sleeveless exercise shirt, smiling and talking on the phone, with a bacon and egg breakfast on the table. Bust oh... so I wait for him to come home from the video store, and I confront him, telling him I saw his g/f in the photos, and he then had the gall to LIE and say he didn't have a lover, that I am mistaken, he hasn't been having another Affair, that I must have read something into the photos I saw; was it "photos of him at a party?"! I didn't even have to snoop to find out -- am waay past that stage -- he is like those dumbass Stupidest Crooks Ever, you see on TV, that lead to their own arrest.
WickedandWeak Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I think this thread has lots of potential - I am trying to step far enough back to decide whether there is any humor to be gained from my situation.
Athena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 oh Wicked, of course there is humor -- there always is! Go on! Share!
WickedandWeak Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I don't know whether this is funny, but it is amusing evidence of how stupid I was at one point... Shortly before my OW and I were caught, I found myself really wanting to include her in my life in every way I could. We were spending the afternoon together one day and it was nearing time for me to leave - for a family dinner at my parents' house. It suddenly seemed like a really good idea to invite the OW even though my W would also be attending. I assured her (OW) that I had taken friends over to my parents' house before for large gatherings and that it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary at all. I didn't mean to lie - I really deluded myself into believing that at the time. She was very reluctant, did not want to go, and thought it was a stupid idea. I convinced her finally by begging and telling her how it important it was to me. The crazy/funny part is that at the time, this seemed like a REALLY good idea. Needless to say, the night was incredibly awkward for at least two of us. She ended up sitting in-between me and the W and getting quizzed by my one unmarried brother about whether she was seeing anyone. I know, you're all thinking I'm a complete jerk. But I got my just desserts because I have received holy hell from both OW and W ever since OW and I were caught. And yes, I know I deserve it.
Athena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 LOL!! You must be very convincing to not only charm the panties off her, but to convince her, against her own better judgment, to go 'meet the parents' (an important statement in anyone's dating life) WITH the Wife there!!!
JustBreathe Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Years later, I'm not quite so sensitive as I used to be about the whole thing, but I did think it was funny in a way how I found out. I was logged on the computer as my husband looking for a recipe for HIS dinner. She sent an instant message to "him", not knowing it was ME, "Hi." I clicked her off without responding, and kept doing what I was doing. She sent another message "hi" it said. I clicked it off againn and kept on typing. Then she sent ANOTHER one, "hi". So this time I said, "hi"... well that's all she needed. She chattered on and on like a little messed up parrot. I was able to get all kinds of information out of her by just offering one or two word responses like, "maybe" and "I don't know" and "sure." Each time I responded, she would respond with paragraphs! I finally blew it by asking her for her phone number so I could give her a call which of course my H already HAD her it. Dumtwit clicked off immediately, but by then I had all the info I needed. I called a mutual friend, found out where her new job was, and was ringing her line in less than 5 minutes. When she answered, I said "Hello *dimbulb*, it's me." She gave this funny shakey little scared laugh. I'm sure she was freaked out because I got her on the phone so quickly. Dumbass wench. Pfffttt.. what a loser.
Athena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 That made me laugh! So -- DID you cook him his dinner?
JustBreathe Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 He had dinner amidst his bags of clothes in his hotel room at the local Days Inn that evening. I can laugh at it now, but it is bittersweet, I guess. Still smarts some. Even after all these years.
WickedandWeak Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 And here's how OW and I got caught... My wife was out of town one weekend so I invited OW over. We always went to her place (obviously), and I was excited to get to have her over to my house. (I know, I know). W and I lived next door to a couple with whom we sometimes had dinner, etc. At this point, W and I haven't had sex in a very long time. The weather is perfect, so I open a couple of windows (which I forget to close later). Some time during the night, OW got up and went to the kitchen for water. She passed a few windows, including one that faced the neighbors' house. Apparently the female half of the couple next door was awake and looking out her window. It was dark, so she couldn't tell that the naked woman's body she saw pass by wasn't the W. The next week, the neighbors come over to watch the ballgame with me and the W. Now, I have long been interested in being a good lover, so I have a collection of books on sexual techniques and passion that I keep on a bookshelf in my house. During the ballgame, W and neighbor lady are off in the study talking. I walk by in time to hear neighbor lady say, "Your H must really pay attention to what he reads in these books," and gestures to the shelf. So I pause outside the door to listen. I see W give her a confused look. Then neighbor lady says, "Well, our houses aren't that close together but I heard plenty the other night." I begin to feel panicked. But just when I think it can't get any worse... Neighbor lady ignores W's confused look and says, "And we should definitely schedule a shopping trip. You must be wearing clothes that are two sizes too big because when I saw you walk past the window that night you looked like you belonged in a fitness video!" As my W asked which night the neighbor was referring to, I slipped away to the kitchen, traded my beer for a scotch, and waited.
JustBreathe Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Wicked, I think you'd better be tippytoeing off to the kitchen for another scotch right now because you're about to get flamed..... that was horrible.
WickedandWeak Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Oh, I know. But I agree with the idea behind the thread, we all find humor where we can. I don't find this humorous because of how upsetting it was for my W but rather because when you think about your W finding out you are having an affair with another woman, this is just not the way you want it to happen. In fact, I think it might have been better if she walked in on us herself. Also, as I'm thinking through this experience looking for humor, I am coming face to face with my own absurd actions. I'm really laughing at myself more than anything else. I have always thought of myself as a nice guy and I actually try to be. But as OW says, I would, without meaning to, torture something to death very slowly in an effort to avoid killing it.
WickedandWeak Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I have wanted to start this for awhile. I didnt because I thought it might be viewed as in poor taste. But I have noticed posters in this forum can have a sense of humor. Keeping my humor under crisis is important for me. And I thought it might help recently BS know that life does go on. I have plenty, but can start with this. This was soon after D day while I was at the height of paranoia. (since recovered & happy) Had a manuscript mailed to my home for editing. It was sent from a friend, not the author (whom I did not know.) I read it, put it aside, & forgot about it. A month later Dog got it and strewed the pages about my bedroom. Last page ended up on husband's dresser. On laundry day he picked up his clean boxers from dresser top and put them in his underwear drawer. He didnt realize he had also picked up the last page of said manuscript. A week later I was packing for him and found a piece of paper in his drawer. Written on it was a woman's name and # - in her handwriting!! I saw it was written on the back of the manuscript, and knowing this paper had never left my bedroom - realized she must have been IN my bed. After googling her I found out she was a member of the local media, H & I have met her. Quite attractive. I continued packing for him, included my wedding rings and marriage certificate. Left her a message at her office, to call me. Sent H on his trip like nothing was wrong - knowing I would be gone when he got back. I said to myself: HOW COULD HE??? BRING ANOTHER WOMAN INTO MY HOME??? ESPECIALLY SINCE IT IS CLEARLY A MESS!!! (seriously, that was my thought - the mess on top of everything else) Then I realized she was the AUTHOR of the manuscript & had simply written her name / # on the back for comments. Husband sounded so confused when he called that night - wondering my rings and marriage cert. were in his shower bag. Btw, did the author call you back?
Mr. Lucky Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Well, mine was 25+ years ago, but it shows these things are timeless. My W threatens to tell her MM's wife about the affair in an effort to break up their marriage so that they can be together. He slaps her around a bit (nice guy, huh?) and she goes to a clinic for treatment, telling them she was mugged. Since she's been there before, they have me listed as her emergency contact and call me without telling her. I show up at the clinic at the same time as her OM, who is there to apologize and find out how much trouble he's in. Seeing me rushing in, he figures that my wife has spilled the beans and starts babbling about how "they only slept together a couple of times". It was the start of a very long night... Mr. Lucky
JustBreathe Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Ouch. This thread is starting to hurt a little more than I thought it would.... guess I'm still a bit more sensitive than I thought.... signing off of this one...
FeelLikeScreaming Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Before I was an OW, I was in a more traditional relationship with a guy I thought was normal and nice. I didn't realize how insecure he really was until he ruined a job interview for me. Looking back, I can laugh. I was scheduling job interviews several places and my boyfriend was complaining about how often I was leaving town. (Though he had done precisely the same thing the year before). For one of my interviews, I told him I did not want him to drive me to the airport, that I wanted to leave my car there because it would be a short trip and I had somewhere to be shortly after my return flight landed. He decided there was something sinister going on. (There wasn't - I never even considered cheating on him). So after my plane took off, he decided to do some snooping. This guy really went all out - called my internet service provider and told them he was my assistant and needed to check my email, that it was an emergency, and he didn't have the password. They gave him a temporary password so he could access my account! They didn't even ask for verification of any kind. Once in my email, he began reading messages from friends and from prospective employers. Finally, he stumbled across a message from the employer with whom I had this interview. He only looked at the most recent part of the correspondence - the part that listed a hotel room number and the name of the man who would be interviewing me. Boyfriend assumed this was code for a romantic rendevous. In reality, this particular employer would rent a hotel conference room for a day in various cities to interview multiple applicants. So my then-boyfriend went to the airport, payed hundreds of dollars for a ticket, and flew to the city where I was having my interview. I had just begun explaining to the interviewer why I was a good fit for the position when the door flew open. And there stood my boyfriend, looking like a lunatic in a rumpled shirt he had probably been wearing for two days, shouting that we were busted. At the time, I was humiliated. I wanted to run from the room and never look back. The interviewer called security. As the hotel guards came to escort my then ex-boyfriend away, he finally noticed that this was a conference room instead of a hotel room. Then he looked at me and said, "Um, how about dinner after your interview?" When he was gone, the interviewer broke the ice by laughing at the guy's audacity. Interestingly, I did receive a job offer! I also bought everyone in the hotel bar that night a drink with my ex-boyfriend's credit card.
Taramere Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Boyfriend came to stay. "Watch Chicago with me" I implored. "I know you hate musicals, but this is different. The score is great." "I'll hate it." "You won't!" "I will, but if you really want me to watch it with you..." "only if you want to - but look. I'll show you the scene that will make you want to." And I showed him this scene: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=pDRN3umyXTk&feature=related "So now do you want to watch the whole film." "Ummm. Yes." As it turned out, he'd cheated just a few days beforehand. Even now, the thought of that makes me chuckle a little.
LadyDi Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 These are just too funny!!! Hopefully many of you are looking back and finding humore in these situations. Reading them sure is amusing!
crazieshnurple Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I think that that is a hilarious story!
Mr. Lucky Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Ouch. This thread is starting to hurt a little more than I thought it would.... guess I'm still a bit more sensitive than I thought.... signing off of this one... I can understand how someone whose experiences are more recent would find it hard to see the wickedly funny hand of fate in some of this stuff. I remember asking my Mom when she thought I'd be over my failed marriage - her answer was "When you can look back at it and laugh..." Mr. Lucky
Author 2sure Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 Crisis happens...some things take a long time to look back at and laugh...but the point is, we can almost always find something eventually. My next infidelity humor story... I was becoming suspicious of H. I had come to the possible realization that I had married H quickly and maybe didn't know him as well as I thought.Then this happened. I was checking thru our cell phone bill and a particular # I didnt know was waving a big red flag. I did a search, and found it beonged to a man. I searched the man, found out he was married and where he worked, etc. I was very curious because this man was in no way affiliated with anything or anyone H was professionally or socially involved in. Husband knows many people, but all the same circles.In fact, a further search turned up a sexual criminal record of some kind and a membership to a swingers site (along with his wife). So, as you can see I found the amount of calls between H and this guy unusual enough to mount a fairly extensive and expensive search. Whenever I called the # a man answered, so I knew it wasnt his wife's phone. I decided Husband was having a GAY affair. I decided this must be a prt of himself he was really struggling with and probably always had. He regularly showed disdain for Gay persons and I felt it was case of"protesting too much". I felt betrayed, but bad for him. I decided this was the root of his problem and I would help him, even if it meant ending the marriage and helping him come out. Understand that H is a "Man's Man". Big Italian guy. So, I bought books - anything I could find like "I married a gay man", "My husband came out" stuff like that. He found them all. H - "I don't know what is going on your head, but I am not gay and it is not up for discussion. You are insane." I was soooo sure, and soooo supportive...he finally had to break down and tell me it was the guys' wife. The guy works out of town for long stretches and leaves the phone w/ the wife. I was almost relieved.
Athena Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 <<In fact, a further search turned up a sexual criminal record of some kind and a membership to a swingers site (along with his wife). So, as you can see I found the amount of calls between H and this guy unusual enough to mount a fairly extensive and expensive search. Whenever I called the # a man answered, so I knew it wasnt his wife's phone.>> Damn girl, you are phenomenal. And I used to think I would make a good detective! But -- hang on, so you mean your H was having an affair with the swinger wife?! A different OW to the one you bust online while searching for what to make for dinner?!
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