flakemagnet Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Hello. I need help with my long-distance girlfriend of 1 year: Some background about us: About 4 years ago, we had initially met. we had a weekend where we got very close and became interested. however, i screwed things up because i was also "dating" someone else at the time. i lied to her and she felt betrayed when she found out i went out on a few dates with another girl. i made a big mistake because she was the one i was most interested in. we parted ways. Fast-forward 3 years: We start talking again, and through a series of long-distance visits, we fall in love. she gives me a second chance and things are great. one year later we are in love, trying to see each other at least once a month, and even meeting each other's parents. All of a sudden, a conversation about our initial past incident is brought up and she emotionally distances herself. she apparently still hasn't fully dealt with that initial betrayal. she says she needs time. i give her some time. after a week or two i call her and apparently she hasn't really thought about it or resolved anything. we talk about it directly. we eventually start talking again. and for a while things are back to normal. but just yesterday she says, "i'm not comfortable spending xmas with your parents". and this sparks another discussion where she expresses that she loves me, is serious about us, but this thing/feeling (perhaps about the past) keeps coming up and she's feeling these ups and downs. like she has two versions of herself. one that is completely in love with me and wants to move forward, and the other that is reluctant and wants to just give up on it. one part of her wants to keep talking with me, the other needs a break. i'm confused because on the one hand, i could give her that break and hope that the absence makes her realize what she's missing, while also giving her some time to think about it on her own. however, this could also just give her the opportunity to take the easy route and avoid the issue altogether. making her life "easier" by just ignoring it. on the other hand, i could encourage her to keep lines of communication open so we can work through it together as we always have. talking it out and figuring out what the root cause is. this has worked in the past. plus, i just miss her so much and don't want to cut her out of my life. i feel like a break usually leads to a "break-up", and I don't want that. the last time we talked, she kind of left in the middle of the discussion. no headway was made. and i just e-mailed her telling her that she can talk to me when she's ready. but i inferred that i wouldn't contact her till she did. What should i do?
Geishawhelk Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Not contact her until she does. Well done, good decision.
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