marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Its great to know there are alot of mindless idiots out there that can't control their own actions and, yes, decisions. I guess we all can't all have the brilliant mind that you possess. But still, a brilliant mind like yours should know that even the ignorant have something of importance to say.
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Any student of the streets can tell you that! The students I know hang out in libraries and not on the streets. I guess that's where our difference of opinion lies.
pelicanpreacher Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Just because you possess a library card doesn't make you Yoda. Which harkens back to your argument that even the ignorant have something important to say!
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 can show cunning and while, Of course you mean"wile" and nor "while", right? Seeing as you are a literary scholar, I just had to ask.
pelicanpreacher Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I tried to edit that but, alas, too late for you were so quick to jump on me 3 times in your effort to scream your literary sense!
pelicanpreacher Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Of course you mean"wile" and nor "while", right? Seeing as you are a literary scholar, I just had to ask. And of course you meant not...Seeing as you are are a literary scholar, right?
LovieDove24 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 We are supposed to hate the sin, and not the sinner...doesnt it go something like that? Everyone f's up. Everyones integrity has been tarnished at some point or another. The redeeming comes from knowing your true worth, and having others who support that truth. At least thats what I believe.
JustBreathe Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I do believe that it is either in a person to cheat or not. Cheating has nothing realy to do with your spouse - either it is in you or it is not, and for those of us who do not cheat, cheating indicates a flaw in the character or personality make-up of the cheater. Maybe the reverse is true? That to a cheater, there is something wrong with a person who never cheats. I don't know. People who are unable to stay faithful to one person because they're afraid to or for whatever other reason, should definitely NOT be married.
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Of course you mean"wile" and nor "while", right? Seeing as you are a literary scholar, I just had to ask. Not the same but I will give you the benefit of the doubt despite my better judgement.
pelicanpreacher Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Not the same but I will give you the benefit of the doubt despite my better judgement. :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: On that note I'll continue my sojourn along with all the other ignoramuses as we slouch off to Bethlehem!
OWoman Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 I have read many posts on here about A, OW/OM situations. Majority of the time, once the cat is out of the bag, the BS and cheater try to "work it out." I've heard one too many times the cheater tells the OW/OM is obligated to BS, could never leave b/c of money, kids, etc...blah, blah, blah... Why are so many reactive instead of proactive? I may sound naive here, but if the M is that bad to begin with they and the said cheater ALREADY KNOWS they would never leave BS, why not go to counseling before the E/P A begins. The lies and deception that go into an affair takes a whole lot more effort and are endless! I would think as a mature adult (and I realize not everyone is mature:rolleyes:) wouldn't it be easier to go to a councilor and say, I am scared for my M b/c I am unhappy and the idea of infidelity is becoming attractive to me? I mean, at that point, one is dealing with just feelings. No lies, no bullsh*t, no OW/OM to deal with and no ACTUAL betrayal. I know I'm taking the practical/sensible approach, but if cheater put the energy into the M beforehand, wouldn't all parties be better off? The H and W can come to the conclusion together whether or not the M is truly over. In the end, this would save enormous amounts of emotional destruction and heartache... Input anyone? Not all prospective BSs are willing to admit there are problems in the M, or to go along to MC. For at least some, it suits them perfectly the way things are, and they see any "problems" as being with the other spouse, not with the M. And while the "sensible" thing in that situation may be to cut one's losses and leave the M, some people hope that an A might be the wake-up call that either fixes the broken M, or allows them to get the courage to leave it.
frannie Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 ... Majority of the time, once the cat is out of the bag, the BS and cheater try to "work it out." ... Why are so many reactive instead of proactive? I may sound naive here, but if the M is that bad to begin with they and the said cheater ALREADY KNOWS they would never leave BS, why not go to counseling before the E/P A begins. I think because it's not human nature to work in such a 'practical' and proactive way. We live our lives in a day-to-day manner; a hum-drum marriage is something that most people accept, and even if it's pretty intolerable, the idea that there might be something better out there I don't think occurs to people. People, especially I think men, are much more likely to put their heads down and get on with it than start looking around for solutions, much less have the idea of going to counselling. Just get a beer, watch some sport and forget about it. Until the day when someone walks into their lives and they realise that something was missing, and that something is an option. But by the time that's really sunk in, it's all 'too late'. Not making excuses here, but that's the way it almost always seems to happen. A person is just getting on with the day-to-dayness and has no plans to change anything, nor any real overwhelming desire to see any change. I also think that the occurrence of a d-day actually changes things a lot for the MM too. Suddenly the BS is paying him attention (however negative), wants something, wants to work on things even, which perhaps didn't seem to be the case to him before. Suddenly there's a W crying and paying attention when he leaves the house, wonders what he's doing when he's looking online. I'm only surmising here, never having been in that situation of course, but how much must that affect the person who was under the impression that he was no longer desired (if that's how he saw things, if that's how it was, even?)? Suddenly the BS is showering him with 'hysterical bonding'... So while you say he "ALREADY KNOWS" he would never leave the BS, I don't think that's true. I think that d-day changes things for him. A woman who is giving you all this attention is someone you might decide you want to work things out with.
OWoman Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 So while you say he "ALREADY KNOWS" he would never leave the BS, I don't think that's true. I think that d-day changes things for him. I think there's a big difference between knowing something intellectually - for example, a vegetarian "knowing" they could never kill a sentient animal - and the knowledge that arises viscerally and emotionally when you're faced by an unanticipated situation, eg a snake rearing up to bite you and your need to survive. It's really only when one finds oneself IN the situation that one REALLY knows how one will react - or perhaps even only afterward, on reflection. Many people marry "knowing" that this is the one for them, for ever and always... and then find themselves some years down the line in someone else's arms.
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