FF84 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 ...numb. I thought I'd feel sad, that it might even inflict some pain on me. But instead I don't really feel anything, it's actually quite disappointing! And i saw her status updates and some of her photo comments etc and started to think to myself "what did i ever see in you?" We're not friends on facebook anymore but one of my friends is and i was round his place before so we had a look. I definitely had her up on a pedestal and thought she was amazing and like i couldn't do any better than her. But now i see her as a different person. This should mean i'm pretty much healed, i feel indifferent. But in a strange way i quite liked being heartbroken and having the hope that she'd come back, and i almost feel sad at not being sad anymore! Does this make sense? Is it a natural step? I think i also feel embarrassed now about begging and pleading with her and for thinking she was so amazing when she's really not. I was planning on sending her a christmas card but i don't really see the point in doing that now, i just don't care. Not sure what to feel, i've been used to being emotional since we split up but everything has gone.
Davey McG Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Makes perfect sense, mate! You get used to living with the pain so long that you end up missing the pain. Its all part of the healing process. Well done!
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 How long have you been apart? Because unless it's at least for 50% of the time you dated, (for example if you dated 1 year, then 6 months apart), then I think this topic is you thinking out loud and trying to convince yourself of something. Just because you feel numb now means nothing. The pain will hit you like a brick again and your actions while being numb will consequence once you begin to feel pain again. Do you understand? Numb is only temporary. Don't be stupid and go to her page. Don't think of yourself as stupid for talking to her, all because you're numb. The numbness will fade and you will feel the consequences of everything you did and thought while your numb. I speak from experience. Unless you've been broken up for years, or at LEAST 50% of the time you dated, then I call bs. Because even 50% often isn't enough. I dated a girl for 13 months and it took me 8 months to get over her, even when I had multiple females showing me attention.
alwayssme Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 How long have you been apart? Because unless it's at least for 50% of the time you dated, (for example if you dated 1 year, then 6 months apart), then I think this topic is you thinking out loud and trying to convince yourself of something. Just because you feel numb now means nothing. The pain will hit you like a brick again and your actions while being numb will consequence once you begin to feel pain again. Do you understand? Numb is only temporary. Don't be stupid and go to her page. Don't think of yourself as stupid for talking to her, all because you're numb. The numbness will fade and you will feel the consequences of everything you did and thought while your numb. I speak from experience. Unless you've been broken up for years, or at LEAST 50% of the time you dated, then I call bs. Because even 50% often isn't enough. I dated a girl for 13 months and it took me 8 months to get over her, even when I had multiple females showing me attention. I definetely agree with what you're saying. For me, I have "moments" where I feel numb and then the pain hits me and I'm like "I thought I was over this" Its been 4 months for me, it has gotten better but i still have days where i feel depressed. I was that my ex was tlakin to some girl on facebook and it hurt me alot.learned my lesson. never again do i want to hear anything from him unless it would make me happy. i dont need any more pain on top of what im feeling.
Jenny123 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Hmmmm know how u feel- checked his facebook 2nite- picture and friends- just shows. 9 weeks after the break. Thought i was better, anxiety and tightness in chest came back. Haven't looked in a long time. He's still with the girl, he got with immediately after me. Do we fall out of love with someone when we fall in love with another? I do wonder;0
4by4 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Checking FB and Twitter has caused me so much angst. Honestly, you should do WHATEVER it takes to NOT check their status! After a while, you wont even care to know what they are up to (and seriously 90% of the times they are not doing anything exciting anyway). Let go, forget it and don't ever look back after you walk away.
XNemesisX Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Do we fall out of love with someone when we fall in love with another? I do wonder;0 YES. I think so. I don't think you can really fully get over someone until someone comes along that you love just as much if not more.
Peter_pan Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 is this your first love, cause tbh NO one gets over there first love. thats where im at. i cant forget her. i miss her
kizik Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 I don't think you can really fully get over someone until someone comes along that you love just as much if not more. That sends a pretty messed up message - that you can't regain yourself, and your happiness before the relationship that ended, unless someone else takes the place of your ex. Really? No wonder as a society we jump from person to person, conquering and dismissing each one as we go, like we were island-hopping in the second world war. What's preferable is to not NEED anyone else to be content in life. When you can count on yourself, you don't need anyone else. In this way, when/if someone DOES come along, they are an added bonus to your life, as opposed to a lifeboat you're clinging to in order to survive. Read my signature line, it says it all.
Peter_pan Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 That sends a pretty messed up message - that you can't regain yourself, and your happiness before the relationship that ended, unless someone else takes the place of your ex. Really? No wonder as a society we jump from person to person, conquering and dismissing each one as we go, like we were island-hopping in the second world war. What's preferable is to not NEED anyone else to be content in life. When you can count on yourself, you don't need anyone else. In this way, when/if someone DOES come along, they are an added bonus to your life, as opposed to a lifeboat you're clinging to in order to survive. Read my signature line, it says it all. completely agree. i was gonna comment but didnt know how to word it as good as that.
Jenny123 Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 I have been on my own 10 weeks, and know it will be a long time before another comes along with those feelings i had 4 my ex. I don't jump relationships and have been more single with no extra's more than in a relationship. I heard this quote before and maybe there is a bit of truth to it?.....? who knows?
Tarantula Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 You are on the right path of the healing process when some curtains are just up off your eyes and you can view the whole scene just clear . The only thing that made me confused was : What you saw such in her "status" on facebook that you had not known before ? Was she cheating on you that she was single,but in real she was not ? Or what ? The thought "What I have seen Such in you that I feel for you?" is just a common thought,but ... you may be surprised even more some time later to see that you just LOVE that new her if the feeling you had for her was real and was not an illusion . Though everything is just individual.I wish you complete healing if possible. It is the best way out of the painful relationship. God bless!
Author FF84 Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 The only thing that made me confused was : What you saw such in her "status" on facebook that you had not known before ? Was she cheating on you that she was single,but in real she was not ? Or what ? No, I meant the status updates like "XXXXX is doing an essay", not the relationship status. Thanks for the other comments. I probably shouldn't have looked and don't really have any desire to do so again, I was just curious as to the stages of getting over the hurt really. It's a strange process, but every day we learn something new about ourselves I suppose.
Tarantula Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Guess,you do not say things to the end, at least not to the reasonable end to make right conclusions for me .. I do not see anything so hurting in that status either, but you know your own matters better So I just wish you to get healed actually . Every day is new . Every day is new . Every day is new . And it is bringing us new experience . For sure . God bless!
roghornio Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 NO one gets over there first love Don't be silly. Absolutely nonsense.
Benique Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 It`s really nonsense,that first love means anything at all I am 44 years old and got married rather early .. my first love was .. was... was.. while am remembering who my first love was ,I will ask my H. who His first love was .. *asking* .................. ............................ He does NOT remember and ...I also cant memorize mine :laugh: Every love is first. We fall in love with every person for the first time whenever...
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