Venting as I feel depressed :(

[SarahT111]

Argh I seem to be having such a bad day today

I thought I was doing better but everything has seemed to hit so hard today and I feel so down

 

I started the day by visiting a good friend, although I love my friend to death she has such a perfect love life and I cant help but feel jealous.

I meet her for coffee in the morning and all she really talked about was how she was going shopping with her bf in the afternoon and he was buying her a ring for xmas which she had to pick out.

After that she was talking about where they are going on holiday and their future plans.

 

I felt like absolute crap the whole time, and it made me miss my ex so much

 

I Didnt want to be alone in the afternoon so went to another mates house, it was me and four males there.

I was having a good time until my mate began to tease me about my ex probably being gay. The other 3 guys joined and they all thought it was absolutly hilerous.

I smiled and nodded along but on the inside I was breaking.

 

I came home and I just feel awful.

I tried my best to go out and be with friends but it just made me feel even worse.

 

The whole day my heart ached for him.

When I was in male company (although they were nice guys) I didnt find anything remotly attractive about any of them. Their behaviour made me miss my ex and the times we had together so much.

 

This feeling is the worse I have ever had. I feel like im living a nightmare.

Imagine you have the perfect guy. A guy you love everything about. A guy that makes you happier then you ever thought you could ever be and nothing else matters.

Then he turns around and says he is confused and having feelings for other males.

And now imagine that EVERYONE finds it funny and no one has any sympathy...

 

I feel so awful right now, I feel like someone has put a knife through my heart today. Im am so lonely and I miss my ex so much.

But everytime I feel like this I tell myself it wrong as everything between us was probably a lie.

My head is so messed up right now and im tired of fighting all these thoughts and emotions. Im bawling my eyes out here now as im so tired and sad.

 

I had everything I possibly wanted in a guy. I know I cant ever feel attracted to someone like I did to him, or be as happy & relaxed with someone as I was with him.

I loved him so much, but hes gone now. And how do you mourn your ex boyfriend who now has feelings for other guys?

This is the most screwed up & hurt I have ever been.

 

I just wish i would wake up from this nightmare and everything would be ok again.

 

Just feeling awful today Want to crawl into a ball and die

[DSM-IV Tom]

That's the worst feeling, you know? Wondering if this is a nightmare that you haven't woken up from yet.

 

In reality, judging by what I've read alone, I can tell you are a great person. A lot of emotion. (Judging by the emoticon faces).

 

Your ex's loss I'd say.

 

 

 

...wait, did you say your ex is gay? WTF?

[SarahT111]

Thanks for that

 

Yup unfortunatly I said gay (or confused)

Which is such a hard situation, no-one understands how much it hurts and has messed with my head, EVERYONE thinks its the funniest news of the year.

But it broke/keeps breaking my heart

 

It sux, its like a massive nightmare. Like I said this guy was like a dream com true to me, guess it was to good to be true!

 

I have had 'normal' breakups before where I have had lots of support and sympathy but for this one everyone thinks is totally hilarious!!!

I feel SO alone and all I want is him But hes not real is he Everything was a lie

 

This has messed with my head and broken my heart and I have no one to talk to that will take me seriously. I hate it so much! Wish it was all over.

[MichiganMan222]

Imagine you have the perfect guy. A guy you love everything about. A guy that makes you happier then you ever thought you could ever be and nothing else matters.

Then he turns around and says he is confused and having feelings for other males.

And now imagine that EVERYONE finds it funny and no one has any sympathy...

 

I don't have to imagine that. I lost the perfect girl. It doesn't matter who (or what gender) I lost her too. Now the fact that people try to make a joke out of it is definitely a new dynamic. I suspect they are doing this to try to make you feel better; to help you cope by making fun of him. I know when I lost my ex, people would tell me all the bad things they thought about her. They do this because they want to help you feel better. Although this is doing completely the opposite, I wouldn't be too hard on them. In fact, if you tell them how its making you feel, I'm sure they would stop.

 

You know I have to admit, I used to think if I lost my ex to another woman, it would've been easier to accept. Because at least I know it wasn't ME. I wasn't be rejected. But it looks like its not better. Losing someone you love, is losing someone you love. My heart goes out to you.

 

I know I cant ever feel attracted to someone like I did to him, or be as happy & relaxed with someone as I was with him.

OK, this is where you're wrong. I think people make the mistake of thinking that they will never get the chance to feel that kind of love again; as if that person was the only one roaming the Earth that could make them feel that way. If anything, he taught you that you are capable of loving like that. There are others out there. It will take awhile, but you most certainly will be able to love someone just as deeply. I do believe in 'the one' theory; but I also believe each of us have several 'ones' out there for us to find. I know that doesn't make sense, but if there were truly only one human being per person, then the odds of actually finding them would be practically an impossibility. There's a a lot of perfect couples out there. You will love again. You'll see.

[alwayssme]

Hey Sarah,

I understand how you feel (except for your ex being gay part) It really does hurt alot but we just gotta keep going. Each and every day I believe it will hurt a little less. Shoot, my ex is now flirting with the girl he had before me and was really into. I feel like crap but what can I do? We have NO CONTROL over these people. Imagine your situation as a really pretty piece of glass that you like. Somehow the glass falls and it breaks into a million pieces. You cant glue it back together, you just have to accept the fact that its broken. I know its a stupid example but you get the point. Now in NO WAY is this easy. Just know that its VERY hard but someday hopefully everything will work out for the best. The hard part is getting there and enduring all this pain. You're not alone though!

[SarahT111]

Thanks Michiganman and Alwaysme.

 

Your replies are much appreciated!

I followed both of your stories and Im very sorry for your pain.

You both sound like great people.

 

Im having serious trouble understanding my own feelings.

Its been a month since we broke up but I still think of him EVERY single second of every day. I wake up wishing I hadn't and I just find day to day is a real struggle. He is all I think about!

 

But...

 

I feel like I shouldnt be feeling this way!

He was treating me like absolute crap for about a month and a half before we split. He stopped talking to me and would yell and go absolutly nuts everytime I tried to have a normal conversation with him!

He didnt ask about me once in that 1.5 months.

I got a new job sat numerous exams etc and he didn't care about any of it.

When I told him I had a job interview that day he would simply ignore me.

He even made me cry before my final exam as he yelled at me when I just tried to talk.

The 'love you' or 'miss you' stopped entirely.

 

My final straw came when he ignored me for 3 days straight, I then tried after 3 days to talk, I told him I broke my fingers, he replied hours later with a 'hehe' and then ignored me for several days after.

 

His behaviour broke my heart and eventually I rung him out of desperation and told him I didnt want to break up but would he please try a bit harder and he said "no coz im lazy and a dick'

So he ended it there.

 

So why a month later do i still hurt so much? Why do I still wish he would change his mind and apologise for everything? Why is he still the only person on my mind 24/7?

Is there something wrong with me? When I re read this post I sound insane, I should be happy to get him out of my life but im shattered and just wish I would wake up from this nightmare and everything would be ok again.

 

And then two weeks after our breakup I find out he is potentailly gay!!!

But I still cant get him out of my head! I can only seem to remember the good times Its driving me mad and im starting to think there is something seriously wrong with me!

 

I have done NC the whole time, and he has only tried to speak with me once, ironically he actually finally asked about me as he had heard through the grapevine how well I did in mny exams and congratulated me!

 

Ahhh whats wrong with me!