lilmrcheerful Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Hi, I had an interesting conversation with my gf last tonight in which left me quite confused, hopefully maybe someone can tell me what they think. Some background. We've been together nearly a year in which she moved in with me almost immediately after we got together. Bar a few minor issues along the way, things have been brilliant and it "felt" like things were really escalating to something serious, maybe even engagement in the future. Howeer, sometimes she say or do things that makes me think otherwise and that when I sometimes question them asking her what she meant, she'd say don't worry everything is great. Last night we were talking about something quite deep whereby a member of my family had fallen ill over the last couple of years where she needs a lot of care and help. My gf said to me that she hoped her finance was looking after her and giving her a lot of support and I said I'm sure he is. I then said that if you love someone that much you'd be there for them no matter what, even if it means giving up your job to look after them full time should they fall very ill. I said I would do that for my gf. My gf then immediately said "oh no, I would go back home as I wouldn't want you to lose your job". I was absolutely shocked at this response! I replied to her "So what you're saying is that if one of us should fall ill that you'd go home, I thought this was your home? so you wouldn't want to be with me anymore?" She said "i didn't mean it like that and it would never happen anyway", and I said "but you just never know, and I just want to know where I stand". She said that thought I was being over dramatic and that we were close and that everything was ok between us. After that we dropped it, we didn't row or anything, it was just a discussion, but I am now seeing things in a different light, I think now that after all this time we both see this relationship in a different way even though she's always appeared to be very into it. My conclusion is that she's quite casual about things, she's not regarded where she is now as our home and also if things got "heavy" then she'd rather be without me than with me to help work through it. I don't think she's really realised the implications of what she's said because she's just brushed it all aside an said to forget about it all. Anyway, thanks for reading. Take Care.
D-Lish Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I think you mentioned a "what if" question. Those are always hard to answer! I believe her telling you that she would go home if she got ill so you wouldn't lose your job was her way of saying she wouldn't burden you. That by no means says she doesn't love you. It seems to me that she is stating that she wouldn't want to be selfish if such an occasion arose. That's how I read her response. She never said that if YOU got ill she'd leave. To me it sounds as if she is letting you know she wouldn't ever want to burden you if it meant you could lose your job over it. That sounds noble! I wouldn't overthink this one. Pay attention to how things are working out between you. The unlikely scenario you brought up isn't indicative of how she feels about you. We all want to think that if we got sick that we'd be taken care of... You were letting her know you'd sacrifice for her. She was simply saying she loves you enough to NOT let you do that. That's how I read into what you said anyway.
Author lilmrcheerful Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 Hey ya D-Lish, Thanks so much for responding. You have certainly made a lot of sense in your post and I think it's more than likely the case of her not wanting to burden me in the sense that she wouldn't want me to suffer. That's all good and well and I really appreciated that, but I thought that when you love someone you'd be there no matter what for them, unless of course the love didn't extend that far. I suppose people express love in different ways or define it in their own way, it don't mean they feel less but I think maybe they just have their own idea of what it is, and in this example, I would give up anything to ensure she was looked after and happy where as her version of that would be to not have me suffer that burden, which essentially means walking away, noble that it seems, it would break my heart. I understand that now. Even though I don't want to read too much into it, it's probably also an indication that she doesn't see this relationship past beyond bf/gf even though we've been living together for ages now, or at least not for the time being. I am glad in some ways because I would have looked a right idiot if I thought things were as far as I thought they were and I did something silly like proposing to her!! Thanks again for your post. Take Care.
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