beautiful_stranger Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 have you ever been in a situation where you have strong feelings for someone (assume you have known the person as a friend for a while), yet when you go on a date you feel that the conversation isnt as stimulating as you expected and you are not having as much fun as you expected. The strong feeling remains however (though I believe it is not physical attraction, purely a feeling that you want to be next to that person), such that you continue want to see the person, but at the same time you are afraid of feeling disappointed after another date and also afraid that the other person feels the same too. What is your take on that? To me that could mean several things: 1) Your expectation is too high to start with. 2) You tried to impress too much as you are giving yourself too much pressure. 3) You are simply not compatible. 4) You are thinking too much? Conversations are probably not important, great conversations can be built as you get to know each other. And so as long as you have feelings for each other, you should continue to see each other? Ideally, I think a good date consists of a free flow of conversations, lots of laughter and occasionally deep and meaningful topics to get to know each other better etc... but how important is that?
Author beautiful_stranger Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 I think a good date consists of exactly the same things. Basically it's supposed to be fun, and add value to your life. You've done a great job of analyzing exactly what happens in these cases! If you already know and like the person you definitely can have too high of expectations going in. It's important to remember that you've been "just friends" for a while. You can't just flip a switch and find yourself super attracted to the other person in a physical or relationship kind of way. That needs time to be built up. Is it possible though, to be completely attracted to someone yet at the same time you can't seem to hold long lasting conversations? Is that more to do with the person? or a lack of mutual chemistry?? Not sure whether it is worth trying...
confused_2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I just wanted to chime in and say don't overthink the situation. You enjoy each others company don't you? The more you get to know each other in a dating role, the deeper the conversations will get. A good question to ask yourself is do you still feel comfortable in the quiet moments or is it an awkward silence? I would say if it's an awkward silence I would be a little more concerned. I've gotten burned before worrying too much about not feeling that instant chemistry that I missed out on getting to know a great person. Just relax.
Author beautiful_stranger Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 I just wanted to chime in and say don't overthink the situation. You enjoy each others company don't you? The more you get to know each other in a dating role, the deeper the conversations will get. A good question to ask yourself is do you still feel comfortable in the quiet moments or is it an awkward silence? I would say if it's an awkward silence I would be a little more concerned. I've gotten burned before worrying too much about not feeling that instant chemistry that I missed out on getting to know a great person. Just relax. Well, I feel comfortable in the quiet moments (I am naturally quiet kind of person) and i do enjoy his company, but I get concerned that he might not be comfortable. Most of the other times, we just give each other sh*t, but it's a bit strange if it prolongs. Also I can't tell whether he's enjoying my company. As on our last date, he had plans afterwards with his mate, so during the date when he talks to his friend on the phone to make arrangements he'd walk really far from me, as if trying to avoid me hearing their conversation... or is it just me being paranoid...
RecordProducer Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 A good 1st or 51st or 241st date is a lot of fun. I know a couple people with whom the phone conversations or IM's were very engaging, but in person I didn't feel that connection.
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