fivefive Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 So for the past 3 months me and this girl have been really talking to each other. There was tons of flirting and IOI's. But recently me and her have just stopped talking all together. I'm not really sure why. It seemed I was giving her too much attention and I guess I purposely ignored her to try and get her to chase me...IDK if this was a mistake because now it's kinda awkward just trying to spark a convo with her. It's not like I haven't ignored her before. I've ignored her a couple times purposely before and she chased me. But now she doesn't anymore. I really like this girl but IDK if I blew it by doing that because now she won't even aknowledge me if I'm in the same room as her. I guess I just felt like I was being too aggressive and wanted her to do some of the chasing. There was a time where I tried to spark a convo and she basically didn't relly care or so it seemed. She did for the most part but now doesn't do anything. It's kinda scarin me. So what do you women think? We hardly speak now. IDK if it's because she wants me to pursue her or if she just lost interest. I mean she won't even say "Hi" anymore after she did for the most part. SO here's my questions: - How do you women feel when men ignore you? - Is there hope for me? - Why is she acting like this? - Why won't she even try to talk to me? I know for a fact this girl was really really interested. I guess im stupid for ignoring her that one awful time.
Gremio Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Just spit it out and tell her how you feel. You have nothing to lose since you have nothing right now.
Author fivefive Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 i knoe but wouldnt it b awkward after not talking for a while to just be like "hey i really u, will u go out wit me?" that would seem to me like kinda wierd to do
Gremio Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 i knoe but wouldnt it b awkward after not talking for a while to just be like "hey i really u, will u go out wit me?" that would seem to me like kinda wierd to do Even if it feels weird to you, think about what I said. A month later, you're asking what to do, so obviously she is on your mind. Most likely if you do nothing, then you will get nothing.
Angel1111 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 If a guy ignores me, it's the kiss of death. I can't stand that stuff. For her to not even say hi to you tells me that she's pissed about something. Did you say something to offend her, or did you just cut off conversation and think she'd go after you? If you've done this before and she came after you, she may be wondering why she should do that again since things seem to go nowhere with you. So you've been talking to her for 3 mos and have never asked her out. Isn't that kind of odd?
Author fivefive Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 I didn't say anything to offend her I don't think. I know.. I feel like such a pvssy after 3mos. (excuse my language). But I just feel like I ****ed everything up when she clearly showed interest. What do u suggest I do?
belladonna Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 - How do you women feel when men ignore you? It infuriates me. Then again, I never let the guy do all the chasing in the first place so when he seems really interested and then ignores me I get pissed off and assume he's not interested anymore. But yeah, maybe she was waiting for you to ask her out, which you didn't, and then she gave up the last time you decided to ignore her. You should go and talk to her, ask her why she's been avoiding you (maybe she's been seeing someone else?) and then ask her out!
PrincessPeach Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 You are asking the wrong questions and directing them at the wrong gender. I don't understand why guys think they specifically need a women's perspective for dating advice or to try to and figure out what we want. A lot of the times we don't actually know what we want, even if we think we do. We don't have any experience attracting and dating women... men do. A man who is successful with women will likely have much better insight into your situation. That isn't to say you shouldn't listen to us women for advice or that we can't give amazing advice on situations. Just be aware that a lot of the times we might end up saying something just to feel better about ourselves (whether we realize it or not). Just think about the "nice guy" with female friends who are all very supportive of his nice qualities to him and say that whatever girl he likes is a fool for not wanting to date him. Would any of them date the nice guy? No. But they still say that other girl should. How do we feel when men ignore us? Don't listen to the two other girls in the thread that say it infuriates us or that we can't stand it. I don't think thats the entire truth of it. No one likes being ignored (duh), but that doesn't mean it is going to kill attraction. When a guy ignores me I don't like it either, but I know it will get me thinking about why he is ignoring me. And then I'm thinking about him more, which could end up actually building attraction if I like him a bit to begin with. However, if the attraction has already been built, then ignoring is much more likely to just get us upset. She might already think she has you, or you have her, and that there is already enough built attraction. Ignoring her isn't what would push her away, she got pushed away because you were trying to play games with her after a point it was completely unneccessary to do so. So ignoring isn't the source of what you did wrong, what you actually did wrong was try to get her into your little game. Is there hope for me? Sure... but only if you do something about it that gives you hope. Don't sit around thiking hope will come to you. Why is she acting like this? It could be a bunch of different reasons, many of which may either have to do with you or don't have anything at all to do with you. It could be likely that she is acting like this because she thinks you're trying to play games with her. Why won't she even try to talk to me? Same answer as above. But you are asking the wrong questions. You seem to think it's a problem with her. There is a very good chance there is nothing wrong with her as well. It is much more likely to be a problem with YOU. Look at yourself and ask what you did wrong or could have done differently. What could YOU have done differently to have avoided this situation? Take this opportunity to learn from yourself so that you can fix this or be aware of it for the next time. In the dating world too often people think the source of the problem is with the person or people they are dating and they forget or choose not to look at themselves when they are the real source of the problem. Try fixing the problem before you try fixing the answers.
LovieDove24 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 If it was all a bunch of talk and no action, I think that is why she's not talking to you anymore. Playing the "hard to get" or "ignoring game" as you call it ONLY works if there is a game being played to begin with. After 3 months of only talking and not actually dating she probably categorized you in the just friends zone. Sorry but true.
Author fivefive Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 you guys don't even understand how much of a b1tch i feel and horrible i feel right now. i really liked this girl. u guys r rite I need to look at myself. keep feeding me your input guys and gals. u dont know how much i appreciate it.
PrincessPeach Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 If it was all a bunch of talk and no action, I think that is why she's not talking to you anymore. Playing the "hard to get" or "ignoring game" as you call it ONLY works if there is a game being played to begin with. After 3 months of only talking and not actually dating she probably categorized you in the just friends zone. Sorry but true. I have to agree with this. If you never got around to making any physical moves, she might have concluded that you just weren't interested and then she herself moved on. Don't be afraid to make a move. If we like you, we'll welcome it. And even if we don't, we might find out that we do after you make the move. Or at least it will be more clear to her what your intentions are and it will be more clear to you how she feels about it. EDIT: Oh, and in regards to the genders giving advice. If it's a question specific to gender, advice from someone of your own gender is likely best. Otherwise, if it's a question that happens both ways in a relationship/dating/etc then both genders should be fairly equal at giving decent advice.
Author fivefive Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 the thing is i did initiate physical contact. she initiated back as well. we just stopped everything all together. she would usually try to re-initiate contact in some kind of form when we would not talk for a couple days. i am going to pursue her more because i'm not letting this girl walk out of my life like this.
Angel1111 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 So, basically, you had your foot in the door, but chose to stay outside and let the door slam shut. Yep, I can see why she's not talking. Wow. I can't say I've ever known a guy to do that. If you're so nuts about her, what on earth were you thinking?
wisebutnotperfect Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I'm only back into dating again after ending a 10 yr marraige and can't believe how much posturing and mind game playing seems to be the norm in dating today. It seems to be all about who has the upper hand. Should I ignore her some more? Should I speak to her now after I've "blown her off" for awhile. She's probably just tired of the BS and would just appreciate some honest communication!
Ronni_W Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 So is all hope lost? If you want another chance, be prepared to start all over again -- don't just pull a "hey, how ya doin'...wanna go on a date?" Maybe you'd want to tell her that you've come to realize how misguided your game playing was...you were hoping for one outcome but you realize now that your actions only got you the opposite of your desire. Be open with your own feelings, and express that you're sorry for the negative impact on your relationship. Then ask her how SHE feels about things, and if SHE would be willing to give you a fresh chance to act a bit more grown-up, and with honesty instead of game-playing.
Author fivefive Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 Yea im gonna try and reinitiate contact with her, and update u guys on how it went. i feel so stupid..
amaysngrace Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 - How do you women feel when men ignore you? - Is there hope for me? - Why is she acting like this? - Why won't she even try to talk to me? I know for a fact this girl was really really interested. I guess im stupid for ignoring her that one awful time. You used ignoring her as a way to get her which is what she's doing back to you. Only now she probably doesn't even want you. If my guy ignored me I'd find another guy to pay attention to me. That's probably what she did.
Author fivefive Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 i will never ignore a girl purposely ever again
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 you guys don't even understand how much of a b1tch i feel and horrible i feel right now. i really liked this girl. Then tell her you feel like crap, feel awful for ignoring her and playing games. Let her know that you DO like her and want a chance to prove to her that you are worth another chance. Be honest, apologize and give her flowers, offer to take her out to dinner - Clean slate. You have nothing to lose.
amaysngrace Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 i will never ignore a girl purposely ever again Good. It's stupid. I'm glad you see that now.
BlueHarvest Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 So, basically, you had your foot in the door, but chose to stay outside and let the door slam shut. Yep, I can see why she's not talking. Wow. I can't say I've ever known a guy to do that. If you're so nuts about her, what on earth were you thinking? Ignore that statement fivefive. That's just plain BS. I will say this much, after 3 months the games should be pretty much over and done with. 3 months is past the "getting to know, playing around" phase and into the "I want you to be my steady GF/BF" phase. I don't know what your chances are. But with each day they diminish. I would approach her soon and let her know how you feel about her and progress the relationship foward. If she didn't like you in the first place she wouldn't have let the relationship get this far...PERIOD. By the way the appropriate time to transition to "exlusive/steady" is approxmiately 2 months IMO. It differs from relationship to relationship but 2 months is a good landmark to do the transition at.
Author fivefive Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 Hey thanks for that response..I was really feeling down but i guess u kinda gave me hope..thanks
BlueHarvest Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Hey thanks for that response..I was really feeling down but i guess u kinda gave me hope..thanks I'm glad my reponse gave you hope, but hope isn't an action. You need to use that hope and be affirmative with your feelings. You need to take action and find out just how much she cares about you and see if there is any reciprication for your feelings.
Author fivefive Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 well to update you guys, i said hi to her today and tried to joke around and b friendly. she smiled but to me, it just seemed like she wasn't into me anymore. idk if what i did made a good impression on her or if it just seemed like i was just saying a friendly hello. idk im gonna keep trying but it doesnt feel the same wit her...
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