Your personal beliefs on what makes a relationship successful

[Your Favourite Smile]

What do you consider a relationship to be?

What has to be involved to make for a successful, happy relationship with a significant other?

 

Im aware im probably naive and have had little experience, but for example a view of mine is that a healthy relationship needs ups and downs in order for a couple to appreciate one another, if it was perfect all the time.. it may arguably be considered as fake.. or i dare say boring?

The down times in relationships are there for a positive reason too- to accept and learn from them together. After all, isnt love unconditional?

As a result, it builds onto the trust and makes the couple stronger in the long term.

 

You may or may not disagree..

 

But enough of my own views, im curious about what other people consider a successful relationship to be. Also, what is essential.. what is important.

[carhill]

It's successful when you die and are happy you have lived. Everything else is just the process of getting there

 

IMO, there is no universal truth, as there is no universal path to anywhere, including success.

 

After I'm dead, I'll get back to you with a definitive answer....

[allina]

A solid foundation is crucial. Knowing that your SO has your back, loves you and wants what's best for you through thick and thin, good days or bad is a beautiful feeling. When you have that with someone you treasure and who you have an amazing time and with, mixed with passion, you have a wonderful thing. Of course there are many other details but this is what I consider a great start

[Your Favourite Smile]

Interesting, it put a smile on my face at just the thought of such a relationship

[You'reasian]

What do you consider a relationship to be?

What has to be involved to make for a successful, happy relationship with a significant other?

 

Im aware im probably naive and have had little experience, but for example a view of mine is that a healthy relationship needs ups and downs in order for a couple to appreciate one another, if it was perfect all the time.. it may arguably be considered as fake.. or i dare say boring?

The down times in relationships are there for a positive reason too- to accept and learn from them together. After all, isnt love unconditional?

As a result, it builds onto the trust and makes the couple stronger in the long term.

 

You may or may not disagree..

 

But enough of my own views, im curious about what other people consider a successful relationship to be. Also, what is essential.. what is important.

 

Honest/open communication from both partners - no BS

 

Similar energy levels/sex drive

 

Mutual trust

 

Mutual respect

 

Shared interests

[OpenBook]

What has to be involved to make for a successful, happy relationship with a significant other?

 

For both parties (it won't work otherwise, no matter what you do) -- an attitude of gratitude. And a stubborn determination to see it through, no matter what. All the rest of it can be negotiated.

[Walk]

What do you consider a relationship to be?

Where 2 people make a commitment to support each other emotionally and physically. A flexible bond that allows both partners to feel connected, without feeling controlled.

 

Mostly, I see it as two people standing back to back, while the entire angry, mob like, world swarms around you filled with blood lust in their eyes. And it's just you and your partner, back to back against them all.

 

What has to be involved to make for a successful, happy relationship with a significant other?

Ability to see your partner as an individual and treat them as such. i.e.: Don't assume that your partner is only that sweet loveable guy who drops everything when you ask. At some point during the course of the relationship each partner will revert (hopefully temporarily) back to their individualistic mode. Individualistic meaning.. It's that core you where you know you need to focus on you in order to accomplish something, or push through something. Your partner won't always be the relationship persona 100% of the time, and you allow them flexibility to be an individual. (assuming that person is still a good person overall.)

 

Good communication. Can be learned, but it's essential to a relationship.

Good problem solving skills. Or the ability to solve problems in a compatible manner.

 

Sexual compatibility, or willingness to bridge the gap at least.

 

Expression of appreciation. Even for the mundane, repetitive things. Like if he always gives you a peck on the lips every morning.. make sure to say you appreciate it

 

Ability to own up to mistakes, take responsibility, and make changes if needed.

 

Good negotiating skills. Can be learned, but again, the person has to desire learning them. You can think you're a good negotiator because you get what you want, but if the other person isn't happy in the long term, then you really didn't do a good job negotiating.

 

Strong ability to place yourself in your partners shoes.

 

I think those things are keys to having a good relationship.

 

After all, isnt love unconditional?

No, it's not. Or rather, maybe "love" can be unconditional, however relationships aren't. I have conditions that have to be met in order for me to stay in a relationship. Like.. monogomy for example.

[andle]

"What has to be involved to make for a successful, happy relationship with a significant other?"

 

The ability within each of them to accept their partner, and enjoy them as they are. Then again, that assumes each of them can accept and enjoy themself as they are.

[Enema]

Maintaining your own independence.

 

- Having your own life outside of the relationship.

- Knowing how important having time apart is

- Not making your partner the focus of your existence

[quankanne]

patience. Otherwise you'd just want to kill his azzz.

[RecordProducer]

Walk, you described a perfect relationship so you missed the topic.

You described a business with a 100% return on investment. A business with a 7% return is considered successful.

 

Sorry, but if you're not living with your partner, it's not really a serious relationship as anyone can put their best face when they leave the house or a guest visits them, so I will refer to couples who live together.

 

If I had to find one single word to describe success, I would say "FUN." You have fun when you are attracted to your partner, when you laugh, when you understand one another, when you know that yesterday they comforted you cuz you had a bad day, when you have great sex, when you have nice conversations, when you have similar interests, etc. Maybe you went through a lot together and you overcame many obstacles; maybe you still feel frustrated and angry about certain things, but as long as the fun is there, our heart and soul react in a way that orders us to go for it.

 

When the fun isn't there for whatever reason, relationships starts to die off slowly. We all seek a good life and having fun is a big part of it. If your partner can "provide" fun times for you, you'll want to stick around. I believe most people divorce because the fun was not there anymore. Sometimes it's his or her depression that sucks the juice out of the relationship, sometimes it's lack of affection or intimacy; sometimes it's too many responsibilities, poverty or laziness; sometimes it's fighting too frequently. But it all boils down to how you feel when you're with them. This also includes admiration for your partner - and this admiration comes from differences, not similarities - and these differences can cause problems, because different people see things differently and often it creates a gap in understanding.

 

I am not talking about superficial fun like partying and blacking out together. You can do that with strangers. I am talking about the kind of fun that you can only have with the woman or man you deeply love. I recall, a friend of mine told me that he once asked his mother how she could remain married to his (mentally ill) father, and she responded "Because we had fun together." Why would you divorce someone if you're having the time of your life when you're with them?

 

 

Maintaining your own independence.

 

- Having your own life outside of the relationship.

- Knowing how important having time apart is

- Not making your partner the focus of your existence

If having your own life and time apart is what makes a successful relationship, then aren't you better off without a relationship?

[Your Favourite Smile]

Quote:

After all, isnt love unconditional?

No, it's not. Or rather, maybe "love" can be unconditional, however relationships aren't. I have conditions that have to be met in order for me to stay in a relationship. Like.. monogomy for example.

 

 

Im sorry if you misunderstood or i didnt explain my opinion clearly, i did mean just the idea of "love".

The reason why i chose to mention it is that someone who is in love with another and experiences a breakup or a stressful time will continue to love the other regardless. More importantly, if it is genuine love, i believe that you can let the other person go if you know that they will be happier doing so.

 

Thats all

 

Im finding all of the posts here very interesting i must say

[amaysngrace]

More importantly, if it is genuine love, i believe that you can let the other person go if you know that they will be happier doing so.

 

Happier how? I believe if you think you aren't living up to your partner you should try to better yourself to be a better partner to them. Not let them go and find someone else to be happy with. I think that's what real love is.

 

If it's genuine love they will wait for you and even if you slip up they will love you anyway. Support you anyway. And be proud of you for trying rather than get down on you for being unsuccessful.

 

When you are ready to try again they will be there to support you again.

 

To me that's love.

[Your Favourite Smile]

If in love, one of your main concerns is making sure your partner is happy, and you feel happy yourself if your partner is.

The same goes for when they are down, you feel what they feel, and have a strong desire to help/support them.

 

 

I believe if you think you aren't living up to your partner you should try to better yourself to be a better partner to them.

 

Ok yes, i agree with this, although only to the extent that you would have to notice the flaws yourself and then look to yourself personally to make things better, you shouldnt have to change yourself too much for them.. as this would rule out the idea that they love you-for you.

[D-Jam]

I think when both sides let go of their "single life" and accept that they are sharing their lives with someone is one factor.

 

Seeing problems as an opportunity to fix them, rather than fight to win is another factor.

 

Creating a balance between your personal life and your relationship life is another.

 

Thinking in terms of the relationship and not of just yourself is a big one as well.

[Your Favourite Smile]

Creating a balance between your personal life and your relationship life is another.

 

 

 

Definitely..

Some people abandon their social life, some grow distant from friends due to a relationship. This causes people to forget that there are things outside of a relationship which are actually very important.

If this was the case and the relationship were to end- the person would feel empty as they have lost elements of their personal life outside of the relationship.. as well as in.

 

Im going off on one here

[sumdude]

If I had to find one single word to describe success, I would say "FUN." You have fun when you are attracted to your partner, when you laugh, when you understand one another, when you know that yesterday they comforted you cuz you had a bad day, when you have great sex, when you have nice conversations, when you have similar interests, etc. Maybe you went through a lot together and you overcame many obstacles; maybe you still feel frustrated and angry about certain things, but as long as the fun is there, our heart and soul react in a way that orders us to go for it.

 

When the fun isn't there for whatever reason, relationships starts to die off slowly.

 

I agree but with one caveat... life isn't always going to be fun. There also had to be the patience and ability to understand that you may pass through some pretty unfun years to more good times in the future.

[spookie]

In MY opinion....

 

1. Chemistry

2. Respect

3. Mutual admiration

4. Desiring what's best for one another

 

People downplay the importance of chemistry, or perhaps it's not that big a factor for some, but IMO without it there's no point in being with someone in the first place. All the other things a relationship provides you can provide for yourself... it's the giddy queasiness I'm after. In my opinion, with the right person, it's sustainable.

[berrieh]

What do you consider a relationship to be?

What has to be involved to make for a successful, happy relationship with a significant other?

 

For me, a relationship is a commitment to integrate someone into my life and participate in theirs, with an eye towards further commitments (moving in, engagement, marriage, etc). It comes with exclusivity, attention, and support.

 

What makes one happy? I think, in specifics, it depends on the people, but generally, the ability to be one's self, mutual trust, mutual respect, mutual admiration, strong communication, shared values (at least at the core level), some shared interests and some different interests, and the ability to brighten each other's day and make each other's lives better than it would be if you were apart.

 

For me, a good relationship also requires a shared sense of humor, lots of laughter, a feeling of security and safety with my SO, and similar energy levels in regards to going out, sex, working, etc. He's also got to be a guy who'll take care of me when I'm sick (I'll return the favor). I could never be in one of those relationships where it's "You're sick--get away from me!"

 

Im aware im probably naive and have had little experience, but for example a view of mine is that a healthy relationship needs ups and downs in order for a couple to appreciate one another, if it was perfect all the time.. it may arguably be considered as fake.. or i dare say boring?

 

I think ups and downs are bound to happen, in both the relationship and in each others individual lives... but I don't know that they're always "healthy." I think a healthy relationship develops ways to cope with the ups and downs, but the best relationships seem to be even-keeled and help maintain stability, IMO. To each their own, but I'm anti-drama.

 

After all, isnt love unconditional?

 

I don't think any love is unconditional, except perhaps - for some people - self-love and parental love, and even then, it doesn't mean the relationships cannot be damaged (i.e. you might still love your kid if they were a murderer, but you might not be able to talk to them, etc). I think it's health for self-love to be unconditional, but self-knowledge to be critical (acceptance of ones actions and flaws, but a desire to be good/better/etc).

 

I certainly don't think romantic love is unconditional. It requires many conditions, and we fool ourselves if it doesn't.

 

I did like what Will Smith said on the Barbara Walters 10 most interesting people of 2008: "Divorce is not an option...Marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever do, so divorce is an option, you'll probably get divorced. But if divorce is not an option, and you're stuck with each other, you'll figure out how to have some fun" (paraphrasing a bit)

 

I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say divorce or severing relationships shouldn't be an option, but we definitely should think about the commitments we make and the conditions we place on them.

 

Where 2 people make a commitment to support each other emotionally and physically. A flexible bond that allows both partners to feel connected, without feeling controlled.

 

What a cool idea of what a "relationship" is... I like it. [sIZE=7]

[/sIZE]

[RecordProducer]

I agree but with one caveat... life isn't always going to be fun. There also had to be the patience and ability to understand that you may pass through some pretty unfun years to more good times in the future.

Yes, I agree. Going through those times and staying together and still in love is true success. Love and the fun times you've had give you the energy to go through those times and surmount the obstacles.

[refurb]

For both parties (it won't work otherwise, no matter what you do) -- an attitude of gratitude. And a stubborn determination to see it through, no matter what. All the rest of it can be negotiated.

 

That nicely sums it up!!

 

RF