Lishy Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Ok hands up who has seen warning signs at the beginning of a relationship but ignored them, only for it to come back and bite you on the butt and make you wonder why the hell you didn't get out then ... What was your experience and what did you learn from it???????
carhill Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I remember once, early on, my now wife blatantly ignored me, like I didn't exist. I remember getting angry about it. The disparity between our emotional styles has played a large role in our marital discord. I've come to learn this is part of her personality of disconnection and not a reflection upon my value. That said, teeth, meet ass
Trialbyfire Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 *waves hand wildly in the air* Didn't like him when I first got to know him through industry committees and finally, at a BBQ at a friend's place. Two years of pursuit later, I changed my mind and started to date him. Dated, got married, then divorced him. Shoulda' listened to my gut instinct.
Author Lishy Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 I remember my sons dad and I were dating for about 6 months and we went out for a drink and got tanked up. On the way home we bought fish and chips and when we got indoors I took mine into the kitchen and put salt and vinegar on mine, I did it in the kitchen so no mess, and when I went back into the living room he went spastic about how I didnt bring the salt and vinegar in and how selfish I was - I just ignored him and told him to go get it if he wanted it - He went on about it for ages until I told him that if he did not stop I would just go home That was my first ever warning about what a prick he was when he had a drink Fast forward a few years from that day I would have gone back to the kitchen and got him the poxy salt and vinegar as he got much worse and I hated it when he had a drink to the point that I would have a panic attack if he was not home by a certain time as I knew what was to come!!
allina Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 My most recent ex, the one I was with for 4-5 months was in a relationship for 5 years before we got together. While he admitted that the official breakup was only a month and a half before we got together he claimed the relationship was over long before. He moved to CA while she stayed in their home state about 5 months before the breakup. No matter what, I never felt at ease with the fact that I had a bf who was just in a 5 year relationship. Then I found out that he was hiding the fact that he had a new gf from his ex, he said he didn't want to hurt her even more. By then I knew he was in no way ready for a relationship. I was totally a rebound.
orangehose Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 OHH yes. Early on, my last ex bragged about his random hookups. I dismissed his boasting as a immature 'guy thing', not an indicator of a character flaw. Boy was I foolish I could recount a hundred such little 'warning signs' from my two past relationships. In a weird way, first impressions ARE the best impressions. The relationship dynamics and character tendencies that manifest themselves early on are there to STAY.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I remember a year back I dated a guy who had a cocky attitude towards people who didn't like the same type of music as him. Worse still was that he had a tendency to brag about himself every chance he gets. He was so condescending to everyone, including myself, that I got myself out of there after two dates.
Dexter Morgan Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Ok hands up who has seen warning signs at the beginning of a relationship but ignored them, only for it to come back and bite you on the butt and make you wonder why the hell you didn't get out then ... Continuing a relationship with a girl that dirty danced with other guys, and girls that go clubbing all the time and come home at the wee hours of the morning. What was your experience and what did you learn from it??????? I learned that I won't date a woman that is into clubbing and the first sign of any bump and grind with another guy, I'm outta there.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 When I was between relatiolnships, I told my parents I didn't want to end up with a divorced dad who is living in an apartment, paying his ex through the nose. Two weeks later I started dating one. A little over a year later I am having second thoughts and might want out.
SingleAgain08 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Ones of my exes told after our third date that he didn't understand why anyone would ever get upset over a breakup since there are so many people in the world to date. Later I found out he had never had a relationship over six months (at age 29) and that he had broken off all of them. Totally should have seen what I was heading for. When people claim that the end of a relationship should not be upsetting, that shows how little relationships mean to them! Back off anyone who tells you that -- even if deep down they don't really mean it, it is a very cold thing to say.
amaysngrace Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 When I first got together with my exH he was perfect. Sweet, attentive, generous, even-tempered and utterly charming. I told him he was too good to be true. As it turns out I was right. All those very good qualities weren't true at all. I wish I had the keen insight back then to see him trying so hard and tell him you're a very good actor instead.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Both my ex boyfriend's were total liars, the first ex told me the first lie about 2 months into our relationship when he bought me a ring that he claimed was real stirling silver. It was fake and turned my finger green. I should have dumped him then, instead of getting screwed over 2 1/2 years later. Other relationship lasted only 3 months, we were friends for awhile. I didn't know what he was like in a relationship until he blew me off for our 3rd date without a phone call. He dumped me 3 months later to get together with his ex gf.
flc Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 When I saw my xW wardrobe and there were 30 pairs of shoes and 25 or so dresses and she was not making much money. By the time of the divorce her shoe collection was around 120 and she needed two closets for clothes even though she did not work. Also HSN was on 24/7 and the UPS guy was at the house every day. She had an instant gratification problem. I still pay for her wardrobe but at least its 100% tax deductible now.
Woggle Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 My ex was always easily led by the group of friends she was currently hanging around with. That trait would come back to bite me when she met a group of women when we moved to Jersey that would encourage her to cheat. She was also a very weak willed and troubled person and back then I enjoyed being the knight in shining armor but eventually that backfired on me. I would have never imagined back than that she would spiral this much out of control.
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Ok hands up who has seen warning signs at the beginning of a relationship but ignored them, only for it to come back and bite you on the butt and make you wonder why the hell you didn't get out then ... What was your experience and what did you learn from it??????? Up until a few years ago, I shamefully admit, I had a very wreckless heart and an insatiable thirst for romantic (and not only) adventure. I would throw caution to the wind and follow my heart wherever it led me, not giving a damn what the outcome would be. It was the only way I could feel alive and kicking. I would sacrifice common sense on the altar of "love" and "passion". The greater the challenge, the more I pursued it. This devil-may-care attitude got me into a lot of trouble with my heart being broken over and over again until there was nothing left to break. My passion was spent and there was nothing left to give. Today, I find myself alone because of this gypsy heart of mine and I know that had I had half a brain back then, things would not be as they are now. There were plenty of wonderful men who wanted me but I snubbed them because I found them boring. Today, I'd kill to have a nice, interesting, loving, affectionate, unselfish, emotionally and mentally healthy man by my side. I'm through with silly drama. What lesson did I learn? To get out FAST at the first signs of serious trouble. No one can be "fixed". No one should have to be "fixed." They are who they are and they have a right to be who they are. There is no challenge just a de facto situation. If I were to fall in love today, it would be with someone who is good for me, some one who brings out the best in me and not the worst. This is what I have learned in my life's sojourn so far.
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Early warning signs: a) pathological lying b) irresponsiblity c) a roving eye d) immaturity e) no job/ no ambition f) anxiety/panic attacks g) his past h)no sense of humour i) inconsideration j) if previously married, a bad father k) lack of intimacy/ incapable of sharing intimacy h) a party animal i) a cheap skate Oh, could go all night long. Give me some time and I'll think of more.
Author Lishy Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 some more 1. mean to others 2. talks about his ex in a very bad way 3. Talks about his ex alot 4. Too over the top and clingy 5. Tells you he loves you too soon 6. Has no time for any kids he has 7. Ex has a non molestation order on him 8. Is not allowed to see his kids 9. Drinks too much 10. smokes too much pot 11. doesnt talk to his family and wont say why 12. quick temper 13. Been to jail 14. Wishy washy with plans .....wow when will this list stop!!!!!!!!!!! Always look for the little things at the beginning as they will turn out to be huge later on!
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 .....wow when will this list stop!!!!!!!!!!! 1. blows hot and cold 2. disappears for days 4. uncommunicative 5. gambles 6. can't hold down a job 7. wallows in booze 8. can't make long-term plans 9. makes cruel remarks 10. insulting 11. arrogant and patronizing 12. has never read a book in his life or a newspaper 13. flirts outrageously 14. intimidates you Lishy, I could go at this all night long!!
amaysngrace Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 mean to animals. doesn't respect the planet. always has to prove how big and bad he is. talks crap on your family. is predjudiced. very showy with personal possessions. badmouths his close friends behind their backs. can't hold a job. thinks the world owes him something. laughs at other people's misfortunes. I could go on and on too.
Author Lishy Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 Wow guys, when does it stop? And what is the most important red flag out of our already huge list to look out for? Bloody hell we have so much to watch out for it doesnt leave much time to enjoy ourselves and relax hahhaha
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 And what is the most important red flag out of our already huge list to look out for? Absence. Someone who is not there for you every mile of the way. Not out of a sense of duty but because he so enjoys being with you.
amaysngrace Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Well for me a very big red flag is when they can't admit they make a mistake. When it always seems as though it's someone else's fault. Coupled with a general lack of respect. Actually in thinking about it, they are all very important things to look out for.
SingleAgain08 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I dated two guys with OCD. If someone's apartment looks like it's out of a crate and barrel catalog (especially a single man is his 20s), that's probably a bad sign. Both these guys were so cleanly they never would have considered having a pet (let alone a child!) They both had an hour-long morning grooming routine (including extensive use of hair product). They were both incredibly nice at first and then became totally condescending and and controlling. Don't get me wrong, I like looking good and having and clean, organized house, but neither is my reason for being.
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Actually in thinking about it, they are all very important things to look out for. Yes, they are.
amaysngrace Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I dated two guys with OCD. I only dated one and he uses alcohol to shut down his thoughts. I love him though. He's my BF. He is by far the most talented, interesting, intelligent, loving, understanding, masculine yet sensitive man I have ever met. And clean. He's very clean.
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