carhill Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Would he flirt with other women in front of you? I'm imagining it not in a mean way (to you), rather in a mindless way, like he wasn't cognizant of your presence nor the impact of his actions on you in general. I'll bet it didn't matter if they were young or old; pretty or not. Was he generous in ways which were obvious? Emphasized the visible and conspicuous? I'm referencing the "watch how they act when no one is looking" rule here.
Author jamie2002 Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 Yes carhill. He would stare at other girls in front of me and knew i thougth it was very rude but at the time i thought i was dating a normal guy. I didn't realize that when i reacted it made him feel great.. crazy stuff.. as being generous well if you call getting a gucci watch worth 800 after you have been dating 4 months because it was your birthday .. yeah he was at first very good with showering me with gifts.. it was nice but it still felt empty ya know...
Author jamie2002 Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 Oh and no he wouldnt stare at anyone..only the hot ones .. i was his arm candy i suppose..
carhill Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 It was nice but it still felt empty ya know... This is important....why? What about the experience lacked the third dimension; the depth? How you define your experience of sincerity of action, empathy and caring is crucial to this dynamic, IMO. This is the essence of what I call our instinctive third eye.
Trialbyfire Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 jamie, was he ever diagnosed as someone with NPD? If not, be careful because there's a narcissist in all of us, including yourself. It's the degree that makes it a disorder or not. http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic.html
Author jamie2002 Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 I actually posted a thread on the coping site as well..it tells about my story at least to some degree and what i saw and delt with.. But the reason i felt it was empty was because i felt he was very showy.. like the material part was alot of who he was but it was early in the relationship and i thought at the time it was his way of showing he cared about me.. does that make since??
Author jamie2002 Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 I never confronted him because i only realized what i was dealing with until just a few months ago i would never ever tell him.. ... so he may or maybe not have been diagnosed with NPD...but i would BET everything from my experience that he was a text book NPD... when you are involved with this kind of person BELIEVE me you will know...
carhill Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Yes, it makes sense and do pay interest in TBF's comments about the narcissist in all of us. That's very true. A healthy id/ego is essential to our survival and as a basis for healthy self-confidence. It's interesting that you bring up materialism because there are a lot of quite healthy people who are wealthy and have material things and are generous with their wealth. I've known and do know my fair share. IMO, and this is where that "third eye" is important, it's the dynamic of how they share themselves and our perception of their intent which colors our perception of their depth. For me, it's a personal thing. I share myself and appreciate those who share themselves with me personally. In other words, I value someone who gives me the gift of their time, understanding and perspective, even if they also have the ability to do (and do) very generous visible things for me. It's that depth of sharing who they are which makes them whole and valuable for me. That's just one aspect of how I evaluate people, but I've found it to be a pretty accurate one. Doesn't matter if they're male or female, IME.
Author jamie2002 Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 I know the difference of someone having a lot of money, good ego,confident and someone who is NPD. It looks the same but totally totally different.. If you dated one you would know carhill.. I wouldn't be expressing it so much and wanting to vent so much and hear about how people think on both sides.. in my gut i know who i dated.
carhill Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 If you know, share. I'd love to hear how you process it. Seriously I have a hard time putting words to my internal processes so perhaps I can learn from you.
Author jamie2002 Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 here is a taste of my experience.. you tell me if he sounds like the normal guy to you.... am only talking from my experience of why i believe he was. . but when i read and looked at the bigger picture and really looked back on my relationship with this person i realized something totally different. My ex at the start was very handsome,charming,smart,funny,romantic,loving,cari ng, and swept me off my feet. He told me he loved me 4 months into our relationship and started talking about living together by the 6 month. I didn't move in with him because he was just starting law school and i didn't want to add to the stress with the move so i told him we should wait until he got adjusted for a 6 good months. So we continued to date and i just saw things that were not right in the relationship over a period of time and let me tell you a very slow process and a little bit at a time so i thought i was going crazy.. it boiled down to him acting very selfish,he manipulted everything around so it was my fault, he belittled me for the most stupid things i ever heard,he talked down to his family and also belittled them, they were afraid of him i think..i was just more like WTF is wrong with this guy and thought he had immiture issues.. He was all about himself and if the subject didn't revolve around him he had no interest. He was very materialistic and i mean down to his underwhere ha. He had to have the biggest best of everything than anyone he knew.. he hated holidays, he had no empathy for anyone. He told me he loved me all the time but i never really felt it after the first 6 months.. I was crazy in love and so brainwashed by this guy. He kept me in his life after our breakup as his friend now i know as his back up supply because i was feeding his supply.. if you date a guy like this you will know because all of your energy will be drained, you will have to pick up the peices of your life and try to get your sanity back.. it is so insane and it will almost make you insane.. You will think he is the love of your life but in reality its the mirage he portrayed at the beginning that you hold onto. He is a master manipulator and will lie about whatever he can to get his way.
You'reasian Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 here is a taste of my experience.. you tell me if he sounds like the normal guy to you.... am only talking from my experience of why i believe he was. . but when i read and looked at the bigger picture and really looked back on my relationship with this person i realized something totally different. My ex at the start was very handsome,charming,smart,funny,romantic,loving,cari ng, and swept me off my feet. He told me he loved me 4 months into our relationship and started talking about living together by the 6 month. I didn't move in with him because he was just starting law school and i didn't want to add to the stress with the move so i told him we should wait until he got adjusted for a 6 good months. So we continued to date and i just saw things that were not right in the relationship over a period of time and let me tell you a very slow process and a little bit at a time so i thought i was going crazy.. it boiled down to him acting very selfish,he manipulted everything around so it was my fault, he belittled me for the most stupid things i ever heard,he talked down to his family and also belittled them, they were afraid of him i think..i was just more like WTF is wrong with this guy and thought he had immiture issues.. He was all about himself and if the subject didn't revolve around him he had no interest. He was very materialistic and i mean down to his underwhere ha. He had to have the biggest best of everything than anyone he knew.. he hated holidays, he had no empathy for anyone. He told me he loved me all the time but i never really felt it after the first 6 months.. I was crazy in love and so brainwashed by this guy. He kept me in his life after our breakup as his friend now i know as his back up supply because i was feeding his supply.. if you date a guy like this you will know because all of your energy will be drained, you will have to pick up the peices of your life and try to get your sanity back.. it is so insane and it will almost make you insane.. You will think he is the love of your life but in reality its the mirage he portrayed at the beginning that you hold onto. He is a master manipulator and will lie about whatever he can to get his way. That sounds tough! Sorry to hear about that. I've never kept a girl as friends after a relationship, unless she desired it as well. People should try to be good partners for each other and it sounds like you were with someone whom was inconsiderate.
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