Ostia Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Hi, well I'm in a LDR for over 3 month now (he lives in Japan/ is from Canada and I'm living in the UK/Germany) and will see my bf over Christmas/New Years for 2 weeks But to be perfectly honest I'm not sure if he is actually looking forward to seeing me and if he's missing me at all... at least what he is saying and doing is disturbing to me (perhaps I'm also having too high expectations I don't know). For example, we will meet in Canada and arrive by plane on the same day... but he arrives at around 9.30am and I'll be there at around 16pm. I was hoping for him to wait for me at the airport (considering that it takes over 2 hours to get to his place), but he said that he won't cause that's too much of a hassle and he's sending his sister instead to pick me up... Also otherwise, I tell him that I miss him and he's just joking about it and he hasn't even said once that he is looking forward to seeing me over Christmas . When I point it out he always just says that that's how guys are and that I don't get it cause I'm a woman... Is that true? I'm just not sure how to show him that it really hurts me if he does that... and in general I have no clue how to respond to his behaviour... Thanks!
JaydaLeah Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Well, its true that some guys are less expressive, or even "hide" their true feelings. Some might feel vulnerable by showing how "needy" or they just want to hear the other party say things like "missing u" and all. Since u talked to him about it, give him a benefit of doubt that that's how he works. I think waiting from 9am till 4pm is a pretty long wait... I probably wont want to wait in the airport for my SO either! Hehe.. BUT, actions do prove louder than words. You have to know what's your trash-hold. If he continues to be so nonchalant about you, you might want to have a serious talk to him about how u feel.
Lucky_One Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I'm a girl, and I wouldn't wait at the airport for over 6 hours either, esp with luggage. It isn't like he can hang out at your gate or a bar/restaurant and wait for you; he has to go get his luggage. And then he can't go back through security, and both YUL and YYX aren't exactly full of places to hang out on the outside of security. You have only been apart for 3 months, and he says that he misses you but he hasn't gotten all soppy about it. I would let this argument go, I think.
Author Ostia Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 Looks as if I just have wrong expectations (well I would wait at the airport, but perhaps that's just not normal). I'll try and be a bit more understanding in this case. Thanks everyone
2ndWife Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 some men are less expressive about their own feelings... i wouldn't read too much into it if i were you. but i would also guard my heart from getting hurt. as for waiting at the airport, considering the time difference between japan and canada and also the long flight, i think it's pretty logical for not wanting to stay in the airport for such a long time. just relax and enjoy your christmas vacation with him and his family. best of luck.
Geishawhelk Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 .....but he said that he won't cause that's too much of a hassle and he's sending his sister instead to pick me up....... And where will he be? Also otherwise, I tell him that I miss him and he's just joking about it and he hasn't even said once that he is looking forward to seeing me over Christmas . When I point it out he always just says that that's how guys are and that I don't get it cause I'm a woman... Is that true? No, that's Bo**ocks. I live with my partner, have done for 4 years, and he tells me he misses me when we're apart for 2 days..... I'm just not sure how to show him that it really hurts me if he does that... and in general I have no clue how to respond to his behaviour... Thanks! I hate to say it, but this might be 'crunch' time. You need to establish whether he feels this relationship is worth pursuing, because you are just not getting good vibes.... I'm of the opinion that we should be far more attentive to our gut instincts. And instinct - and everything he does - has told you so far, that something isn't quite gelling. I'm with you on this one. He's so laid back, he's horizontal.... and that's not necessarily a good thing. Non-commital doesn't cover it........
MiniMina Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I agree with Geisha. When my relationship was and LDR my boyfriend did not hesitate to tell me that he missed me. And when it got close us finally getting to see each other, he would start a countdown. Now, your guy might not be quite that expressive, but I think some excitement should come across after 3 months of waiting!
Author Ostia Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 .... And where will he be? ... at home... No, that's Bo**ocks. I live with my partner, have done for 4 years, and he tells me he misses me when we're apart for 2 days..... I hate to say it, but this might be 'crunch' time. You need to establish whether he feels this relationship is worth pursuing, because you are just not getting good vibes.... I'm of the opinion that we should be far more attentive to our gut instincts. And instinct - and everything he does - has told you so far, that something isn't quite gelling. I'm with you on this one. He's so laid back, he's horizontal.... and that's not necessarily a good thing. Non-commital doesn't cover it........ I think I will wait and see how he reacts when we see each other. But I think I'll talk to him about it either way. As you said its also about my gut instincts and they aren't telling me really good things recently . But I also have to admit that he tends to express his feelings more when we are together (we had shorter periods of being apart before). I will see and hope everything will turn out Thanks for the understanding though, I already started to doubt myself and think I'm overly weird...
Geishawhelk Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 ... at home... 'at home'...? Why doesn't he come with his sister to pick you up? Surely there will be enough time for him to go home, off-load and then come back to pick you up? I'm sorry, I'm not deliberately poking a stick between you two guys, but if I hadn't seen my partner for 3 months, I'd be champing at the bit to make sure I'd be the first person he sees coming out of baggage pick-up.... When we were separated by work commitments for two months, we were on the 'phone 2 maybe 3 times a day. When I finally drove cross-country, for 6 hours straight, to join him, he actually stood outside the gate of where he worked, for an hour in the summer sun, watching for me. I saw him standing in the middle of the road, waving at me a half kilometre away.... I think I will wait and see how he reacts when we see each other. But I think I'll talk to him about it either way. As you said its also about my gut instincts and they aren't telling me really good things recently . But I also have to admit that he tends to express his feelings more when we are together (we had shorter periods of being apart before). I will see and hope everything will turn out Thanks for the understanding though, I already started to doubt myself and think I'm overly weird... It may be nothing. I may be really guilty of fuelling something completely unsubstantiated, and totally in my head, and I could be doing your guy a real injustice. I hope I am. I hope I'm completely and totally wrong, and that I will have to apologise to you "hat in hand" for everything I said that might have planted a seed of doubt. Gosh I hope so. But it's still nagging at me.....
Author Ostia Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 'at home'...? Why doesn't he come with his sister to pick you up? Surely there will be enough time for him to go home, off-load and then come back to pick you up? I'm sorry, I'm not deliberately poking a stick between you two guys, but if I hadn't seen my partner for 3 months, I'd be champing at the bit to make sure I'd be the first person he sees coming out of baggage pick-up.... When we were separated by work commitments for two months, we were on the 'phone 2 maybe 3 times a day. When I finally drove cross-country, for 6 hours straight, to join him, he actually stood outside the gate of where he worked, for an hour in the summer sun, watching for me. I saw him standing in the middle of the road, waving at me a half kilometre away.... Well the sister is gonna be in town all day already to do some shopping and pick me up then (and a friend of hers is driving cause she doesnt have a car). I'll see is probably the only thing I can really say although its nagging on me too But I have to admit that we talk A LOT on the phone like at least 4 hours every day... so we don't have that issue really... and we are having a lot of fun talking, all I'm missing really is that he tells me from time to time that he is missing me and can't wait to see me instead of making fun of me if i say so... It may be nothing. I may be really guilty of fuelling something completely unsubstantiated, and totally in my head, and I could be doing your guy a real injustice. I hope I am. I hope I'm completely and totally wrong, and that I will have to apologise to you "hat in hand" for everything I said that might have planted a seed of doubt. Gosh I hope so. But it's still nagging at me..... I hope so too Thank you!!!
Rollercoasterr Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Honey, my SO would die before he'd let anyone else pick me up at the airport. I just saw him on the 13th-17th of November, and will be seeing him again on December 28th, and he's going crazy telling me he misses me, can't wait to see me, and whatnot. And he's the type to keep everything bottled inside and not talk about things, but that's the one thing he is very expressive about. Not saying there's something wrong with him, but seriously...he's not even phased by the fact that he doesn't want to pick you up, and then he's not telling you that he even misses you? Something sounds amiss here. Do what everyone else has said, give him the benefit of the doubt, and then talk to him. It's the holidays, he should be chomping at the bit to get to spend it with you.
Meet 4 Coffee Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 I think it is very possible he is seeing someone else because when a man loves a woman, he is at the airport, and waiting for 6 hours is nothing.
2ndWife Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Relax Guys. The first thing that I want to do after a long flight (10 hours from Tokyo to Vancouver; 13 hours from Tokyo to Montreal ) will be going back home directly, have a good shower, then sleep! For OP's BF if he goes back home, then head back to the airport, pick OP up and brings her back home, that will be 6+ hours in the car after the long flight. Not to mention it is night time in Japan!!! I'd say it's understandable that he sends his sister to pick OP up from the airport. My SO also picked me up from the airport every time I flew to see him. And I did the same for him. But it doesn't mean it's practical for everyone. As for not saying he misses you... I'd give him the benefit of doubt. We don't know what happened when the conversation took place. He might be having a bad day. Joking around might be the way he communicates his feelings/emotions. We don't know. The bottom line is, talk to him about your feelings when the time is right.
Athena Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Your b/f will be traveling about 30 hours and will be tired, unkempt, and the last thing he needs is to hang around an airport for an additional six hours. Also, have you considered that he might want to go home, take a nap, a shower, eat, and THEN be very ready to welcome you and receive you when you arrive 6pm?... there's the bonus for you. My H travels from Asia every two months... and stays home for two weeks... I simply don't know how he does it -- it's exhausting for me just to travel the measly 7 hours from Europe home. As you will be traveling from Germany or the Uk, to Canada, your trip will be about a quarter the time that his trip will be. You should be encouraging him to go home and relax!!!!!!!
Author Ostia Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 I think it is very possible he is seeing someone else because when a man loves a woman, he is at the airport, and waiting for 6 hours is nothing. Well at least about this I'm sure that he isn't (I know you can never be sure but if you knew him you would be too Relax Guys. The first thing that I want to do after a long flight (10 hours from Tokyo to Vancouver; 13 hours from Tokyo to Montreal ) will be going back home directly, have a good shower, then sleep! For OP's BF if he goes back home, then head back to the airport, pick OP up and brings her back home, that will be 6+ hours in the car after the long flight. Not to mention it is night time in Japan!!! I'd say it's understandable that he sends his sister to pick OP up from the airport. My SO also picked me up from the airport every time I flew to see him. And I did the same for him. But it doesn't mean it's practical for everyone. As for not saying he misses you... I'd give him the benefit of doubt. We don't know what happened when the conversation took place. He might be having a bad day. Joking around might be the way he communicates his feelings/emotions. We don't know. The bottom line is, talk to him about your feelings when the time is right. Thank you Your comment was very helpful for me. You are right it is a stressful trip (I did it myself before), and I'll just be hoping that he's awake and awaiting me at his home He is joking a lot especially when it comes to feelings so you are probably right Let's give him the benefit of doubt and see what happens Your b/f will be traveling about 30 hours and will be tired, unkempt, and the last thing he needs is to hang around an airport for an additional six hours. As you will be traveling from Germany or the Uk, to Canada, your trip will be about a quarter the time that his trip will be. You should be encouraging him to go home and relax!!!!!!! Well... actually his trip takes him about 16 hours in total... whereas mine will come to about 30+, so it's me who will be more exhausted... but this is not to say that 16 hours aren't already bad enough. So as I said I'll try to approach it positively and just look forward to seeing him at his place .
2ndWife Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 So as I said I'll try to approach it positively and just look forward to seeing him at his place . There you go girl! Keep up the spirit. You'll need a lot of it in the future.
Meet 4 Coffee Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 I'm going to have to disagree with those who are blowing smoke up your ass. I know what it is like when a man is absolutely crazy about you and he will be at the airport to meet you in that situation, wild horses couldn't drag him away. Also he is being very indifferent to you as if he doesn't give a crap, and that is not an indicator that he is absolutely crazy about you. It is definitely an indication that he could be seeing someone else and/or has fallen out of love with you. Your posts indicate a man who is not crazy about you in any way, shape, or form and the feeling is gone for him. Sorry.
Author Ostia Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 I'm going to have to disagree with those who are blowing smoke up your ass. I know what it is like when a man is absolutely crazy about you and he will be at the airport to meet you in that situation, wild horses couldn't drag him away. Also he is being very indifferent to you as if he doesn't give a crap, and that is not an indicator that he is absolutely crazy about you. It is definitely an indication that he could be seeing someone else and/or has fallen out of love with you. Your posts indicate a man who is not crazy about you in any way, shape, or form and the feeling is gone for him. Sorry. Perhaps your right perhaps you are wrong... I will see... But just a general remark: How can you be so sure about what you are writing? You only have the limited info I gave you. I agree it is possible that he doesn't love me anymore, but I doubt you who doesn't know him at all can be so sure as you make it sound like in your response.
Athena Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Well... actually his trip takes him about 16 hours in total... whereas mine will come to about 30+, so it's me who will be more exhausted... but this is not to say that 16 hours aren't already bad enough. So as I said I'll try to approach it positively and just look forward to seeing him at his place . Oh, ok. But, anyway, it might not be so good for you guys if you are BOTH exhausted! Then those irritable moods might lead to a fight, , at least one of you (him) will be in a better mood, rested, clean, and EAGER to see you, and PLEASE you!! PS: Your Avatar shows the MOST beautiful German Shepard dog I have ever seen! Wow. Is he/she yours? Do you have any puppies?
Author Ostia Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 Oh, ok. But, anyway, it might not be so good for you guys if you are BOTH exhausted! Then those irritable moods might lead to a fight, , at least one of you (him) will be in a better mood, rested, clean, and EAGER to see you, and PLEASE you!! That makes it sound much better PS: Your Avatar shows the MOST beautiful German Shepard dog I have ever seen! Wow. Is he/she yours? Do you have any puppies? Thank you Actually its not a German Shepard but a Hovaward (but they are related ). She is mine and just an amazing dog , but unfortunately doesn't have any puppies
Athena Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 I haven't heard of that breed before. Are they as big as G.S.? Protective? I am thinking of getting a dog...
Author Ostia Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 Yep they are about that size It's a traditional German breed that died out a hundred years or so ago but they started to bread them again by mixing different similar breeds including German Shepards and Golden Retrievers. They are generally very very good family dogs that like kids and like playing till they are old; but they are also very protective (they are often used to look for sheep etc). What's also nice is that they are very easy to train . Oh and they exist in two different colors (here's a link): http://howavartpuppiesblog.com/files/gruppevhovawart.jpg Good luck with finding a dog! I would definitively recommend getting one, they are just wonderful and bring so much joy
Athena Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Thank you for the information! Did you buy your dog from a breeder in Germany, then? I wonder if they have them in the United States? BTW, what do you do with her when you go away to be with your H? We also travel and that is what worries me about getting a dog.
Island Girl Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 He MAY be concerned about being tired and the long trip (although it is only half of yours). He may want to get a shower and a nap in before he sees you. You just won't know until you get there. So it is one of those things you HAVE to quit worrying about. As far as him saying he misses you, etc. Why don't you quit saying that? I mean this sincerely. Just quit making those kinds of comments. You aren't getting responses you want (we can't control others ). Your questions aren't going to go away until you are there with him. I have a feeling you express your feelings all the time - maybe you should just pull back a little bit. Perhaps he doesn't get a chance to say how he is feeling or tell you he misses you because you beat him to the punch. And you are still going to go on that trip regardless of what others say here. So just take a breath. Take a big step back and resolve yourself to just enjoy each other right now.
Author Ostia Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 Thank you for the information! Did you buy your dog from a breeder in Germany, then? I wonder if they have them in the United States? BTW, what do you do with her when you go away to be with your H? We also travel and that is what worries me about getting a dog. Yep my dog is from Germany, but I know that you can find Howavarts in the UK too. I'm not too sure about other countries but generally it seems to become more popular even though it is still less known. I found this link for the US: http://www.hovawartclub.org They are just wonderful dogs . Let me know if you decide to get one (or any dog ) I have my parents who look after my dog when I'm not there and an aunt of mine is sometimes helping out too . If you have anyone who doesn't mind taking care of your dog for a few days/weeks than you should be fine. But it also depends on what kind of dog you are getting. Howavart, for example, tend to be clingy but at the same time they follow nicely. My experience with my dog was that she follows my parents and my aunt nearly as well as me and no one who ever had to look out for her was scared that she'd run off or so. Important is just that you find a nice place for your dog to stay, and then it shouldn't be a problem at all Good luck!!!
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