alwayssme Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I don't know if I have just slipped into depression or if its because I have been home all day these past few days but man do I feel like I just keep going in a roller-coaster. I don't know if my life truly is empty or if it just feels that way because my ex isnt here. I think it's both. I guess since I was with him everyday I never cared about the world, he understood me, everything felt better. Now I don't even know anymore. I have my best friend and a couple of friends but I see them more as acquantances. My ex was like family and he is someone I never want to lose. I don't want us to become stragers but I'm afraid to call him and tell him how I'm feeling because it would hurt me if he acts cold. Also I have so much to study and maybe that has an impact too. Staying strong...*sigh* I am dealing with so many other things, which arent necessary to post, besides losing my ex. I honeslty dont see my situation getting any better. Sometimes I'm at home all alone just going crazy. I don't know what to do. I miss him so much, he was my comfort in times of need and he gave me strength when I felt weak. I feel like just giving up on everything. Another thing, I'm used to being happy and living a good life with ALOT of people around, this isthe first time in my life i am experiencing this. How do I deal??? I have never felt so lonely!
Surfer Dude Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I know what you mean. My social life is pretty much nonexistent too. These few friends that I have are usually obsessed with getting pissed every weekend, and I have nowhere to go by myself since they're not really interested in any other activities. At least my ex really liked traveling so we could always go places. We were supposed to spend winter holidays this year in a nice winter resort in Swiss or Austrian alps. The chance is 90% that I'm going to be alone on Xmas and NY. The only people that really care about me is my family and I can't see anyone else giving a crap how I'm doing. I'm not depressed about my ex anymore, I'm not mad, I don't miss her, I don't love her, I have no desire to contact her. In fact, I'm totally over her and I'm done coping. But the lack of purpose in life is killing me these days. I just hope I'll be able to find something that gives my life a meaning, besides getting this degree. You're not alone in this boat.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 You can put me on your guys team too. Really riding an emotional roller coaster through the holiday season. It hasn't been fun. I think the key is getting out there and doing things, but it seems that I'm one of the few single people amongst all my friends. I think it's hard for them to relate to me. I too have gone from a really happy person to just kind of a "blah" person now. Sometimes I'm ok, but when I have time to dwell, it really works me. I think about how I have to go everywhere by myself, and will also likely be alone on NYE and Xmas, and it makes me down. It's the facts though, and I am trying to prepare myself for it. My ex wasn't a very nice person, and I pretty much new that I should be with someone else, but I never was looking while I was with her because I didn't think that was the right thing to do either. She did do that, so when we split, she was already involved with someone else. That made it soo much easier for her than me, and that upsets me because it isn't fair. She won't be alone during the holidays. She has someone else to be needy to. It likely won't last because she is so needy, but she's distracted, and that helps her move on. I'd like to be distracted too. Maybe that'll happen, maybe not. It just sucks having to try and get to know someone all over again and that's the difficult part. It can get overwhelming so easily and it makes a person just want to give up. I guess we are all in this together, whether that helps or not, but we are. Misery loves company?
stoneymirror Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Get out and meet some people, PEOPLE. Come on, isn't it about time. Join a book club, find a hobby, go to a coffee shop, do anything but stay at home by yourself. U need to pick yourself up and get some confidence back, cause right now you're a slug. Get out and exercise, try dating someone. Go out to a bar by yourself and take it easy and relax. You have to be independent. No guts no glory right. Now do it.
JoeNat Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I understand fully.. here is a quick look into the last year of my life. I moved from NYC to NC with my GF of 4 years. I bought a house, a new truck, all new furniture. I had plans, I had a life planned with her and with this house. I have no friends down here and no family at all. Well, saying I have no friends is not entirely true but I think you know what I mean. She left me on my Birthday and never came back, she said she needed to do work up in NY. Well, after finding some things out she was searching for Apt's and was not calling me or answering my calls. This is someone who wanted to be with me every second of her life. Here I am with no family, no friends, no nothing. I sat at my dinner table all alone eating, drinking listening to nothingness. Lonely is an understatment to what I felt. Now, all the while dealing with my mother who is 500 miles away going through a sickness and I cant do a damn thing about it. Am I better now? Yeah, I am. I still think about what it was "supposed" to be but that happens less and less now. Everybody deals with things differently and I dont have a direct answer to help. But maybe my story and others can make you realize that while you may physically be alone your not alone entirely. I try to have an outlook on life with. "It can always be worse". So, try to cheer up. If your around family realize that they love you and will ALWAYS be there for you. Take up a hobby or practice that hobby more often. Keeping busy really helps... Loneliness = finding one self!!
EmperorR Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 welcome to the club, the whole leaning on friends and family is nice, when you have friends and family near you. But when you don't like me, all I have is myself. I'm actually thinking of getting a second job not becasue I need the money just so I won't be feeling like crap in the evenings.
9Lives Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I don't know if I have just slipped into depression or if its because I have been home all day these past few days but man do I feel like I just keep going in a roller-coaster. I don't know if my life truly is empty or if it just feels that way because my ex isnt here. I think it's both. I guess since I was with him everyday I never cared about the world, he understood me, everything felt better. Now I don't even know anymore. I have my best friend and a couple of friends but I see them more as acquantances. My ex was like family and he is someone I never want to lose. I don't want us to become stragers but I'm afraid to call him and tell him how I'm feeling because it would hurt me if he acts cold. Also I have so much to study and maybe that has an impact too. Staying strong...*sigh* I am dealing with so many other things, which arent necessary to post, besides losing my ex. I honeslty dont see my situation getting any better. Sometimes I'm at home all alone just going crazy. I don't know what to do. I miss him so much, he was my comfort in times of need and he gave me strength when I felt weak. I feel like just giving up on everything. Another thing, I'm used to being happy and living a good life with ALOT of people around, this isthe first time in my life i am experiencing this. How do I deal??? I have never felt so lonely! I have a question for you and the rest of you? What was you doing before you knew your ex EXISTED????? I mean....did you JUST start living when they came into your life? If you never met that person, what would you be doing right now? Life is one big pie...and you are putting all your emotions and time into the crumbs, the part that dont count for sh/it. When are you going to stop. I LOVE my ex a WHOLE F/king lot. But HE is gone. Now FIGURE out what other beauty in life exist. We have to get going. If nothing else, look on the bright side...at least you shared some of your life with them. I wanted my ex for life too but he is gone. Now Im not giving a ghost the rest of my life. THat is bull/sht I still think about him everyday and wish we could have/have worked out. but he is not here with me. so I have to accept the disappointment. that all you can do.
Author alwayssme Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Get out and meet some people, PEOPLE. Come on, isn't it about time. Join a book club, find a hobby, go to a coffee shop, do anything but stay at home by yourself. U need to pick yourself up and get some confidence back, cause right now you're a slug. Get out and exercise, try dating someone. Go out to a bar by yourself and take it easy and relax. You have to be independent. No guts no glory right. Now do it. it's not about that...i go out to parties, im in school, i work, i do stuff but these people are just simple acquantances..i do have my two best friends but their both with their boyfriends most of the time...i have been dating...it sucked ass...it has nothing to do with confidence because not to sound conceited i know what im worth...my ex didnt remove my confidence, he told me he thinks im beautiful and a great person but he doesnt have the same feelings anymore (ouch)........for the first time in my life i am dreading the holidays! its great for those that are completely over their ex'es.....for me i dont even know what is bothering me....i do miss him though, his love gave me strength and he made me very happy!
Surfer Dude Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 it's not about that...i go out to parties, im in school, i work, i do stuff but these people are just simple acquantances..i do have my two best friends but their both with their boyfriends most of the time...i have been dating...it sucked ass...it has nothing to do with confidence because not to sound conceited i know what im worth...my ex didnt remove my confidence, he told me he thinks im beautiful and a great person but he doesnt have the same feelings anymore (ouch)........for the first time in my life i am dreading the holidays! its great for those that are completely over their ex'es.....for me i dont even know what is bothering me....i do miss him though, his love gave me strength and he made me very happy! Same here. I go to work, I meet people in uni, go out every now and then. But I really doubt any of the people there care about me as a friend. They are just acquaintances. I could also get laid anytime I want, but I've stopped putting effort into meeting girls... no matter how many of them I meet, I just can't seem to connect with them on the level that I connected with my ex. I don't want to use those girls and discard them later, I'm not like that. I'm always looking for something more. At least your ex told you you're a great person, my ex told me "i despise you" and "you are far from my type" after 2 year relationship... lol
Author alwayssme Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 Aww Surfer I'm sorry to hear that..how have u been doing lately?
TeaAbraham Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Hey, you know what too? What you had with your ex was something special. It isn't easy finding stuff that is really truly special to ya. If it were so easy or just presented itself all the time it wouldn't be that special would it? So it takes time and effort. So you're putting that effort in, which is important. But you can't expect to hit a home run every time you swing the bat. This sh*t takes time. But that isn't a bad thing. And it sucks, yeah. Lonely new years and christmas isn't going to be wonderful, but once you find that special someone or some really great friends, it'll be even sweeter and stronger for that loneliness you're feeling now. I'm not sure if that can make you feel any better presently, but that's just how it is. I know personally I have been going about my life almost expectantly thinking that that special person is going to walk onto the bus, or that special person is going to sit next to me at the library, or I am going to see that special person walking downtown, or blah blah blah. There's just no point! I would just concentrate on #1 for a bit. And I know you're thinking that #1 needs #2, or whatever, and that may be true for the long run, but for the short run that isn't true. You've got goals and you've got dreams, and you've got stuff that you love to do. You've got to focus on YOUR life, and make it the best it can be. Other people will step into it as time goes on. But if you don't focus on you for right now and instead just focus on getting other people into your life, I don't think you're going to get that special stuff that you're looking for. Not that you're doing that, but just a word of warning. Life has got its ups and downs. What good is a warm, hot, delicious meal unless you're really cold and hungry? It'll taste so much sweeter once you get you're hands on that good stuff after this, trust me. But for now, be strong! There's a reason they call it "hard." Because it's f*cking hard! If you can find a way to channel that lonliness and that emptiness you feel in to something productive, that would be great. And if you do figure out a way to do it, please tell me how!
louiep Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 my uncle said the fastest way to get over one woman is with 2 more:laugh: lol
kizik Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 You've got to focus on YOUR life, and make it the best it can be. Other people will step into it as time goes on. But if you don't focus on you for right now and instead just focus on getting other people into your life, I don't think you're going to get that special stuff that you're looking for. I agree. If you can find a way to channel that lonliness and that emptiness you feel in to something productive, that would be great. And if you do figure out a way to do it, please tell me how! Abraham, are you creative? I write songs and sh*t like that, and after my breakup I went into the studio a made a record (still unfinished). About half the songs were written post-breakup. So that's some pretty good therapy.
Just_dealin_with_it Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I have a question for you and the rest of you? What was you doing before you knew your ex EXISTED????? I mean....did you JUST start living when they came into your life? If you never met that person, what would you be doing right now? Life is one big pie...and you are putting all your emotions and time into the crumbs, the part that dont count for sh/it. When are you going to stop. I LOVE my ex a WHOLE F/king lot. But HE is gone. Now FIGURE out what other beauty in life exist. We have to get going. If nothing else, look on the bright side...at least you shared some of your life with them. I wanted my ex for life too but he is gone. Now Im not giving a ghost the rest of my life. THat is bull/sht Good! Remember that you were someone before your relationship with your ex. You did not define yourself or your happiness by this relationship. You are your own person, with your own thoughts, who can be held back only by you. Stop giving any energy to a situation that no longer exists. Stop looking back. Turn around, look forward, and begin to move forward. There is this whole big world out there with infinite possibilities. Open your eyes, be patient, and think positively, confidently. You are already ok, you just don't know it yet. You have to feel it, know it, and believe it.
Hersheys Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Good! Remember that you were someone before your relationship with your ex. You did not define yourself or your happiness by this relationship. You are your own person, with your own thoughts, who can be held back only by you. Stop giving any energy to a situation that no longer exists. Stop looking back. Turn around, look forward, and begin to move forward. There is this whole big world out there with infinite possibilities. Open your eyes, be patient, and think positively, confidently. You are already ok, you just don't know it yet. You have to feel it, know it, and believe it. Well said! Made me feel better. There are many things I do not want to carry through 2009. It's almost freaking 2009 and I've been dealing with this s*** for many years now. I just want my old self back. The old happy me before I met my now ex. I might have learned a lot from the relationship but foolishness, desperation, depression and a bunch of other stuff I've gone through I don't want anymore in the coming days, months and years. I regret not walking away from it at the onset of the many questionable things / red flags he's said and done to me. I'm sooo stupid god***mit.
CandyGirlXO Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I'm actually thinking of getting a second job not becasue I need the money just so I won't be feeling like crap in the evenings. I am actually thinking about doing the same exact thing to just get my mind off of everything.
Phateless Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I don't know if I have just slipped into depression or if its because I have been home all day these past few days but man do I feel like I just keep going in a roller-coaster. I don't know if my life truly is empty or if it just feels that way because my ex isnt here. I think it's both. I guess since I was with him everyday I never cared about the world, he understood me, everything felt better. Now I don't even know anymore. I have my best friend and a couple of friends but I see them more as acquantances. My ex was like family and he is someone I never want to lose. I don't want us to become stragers but I'm afraid to call him and tell him how I'm feeling because it would hurt me if he acts cold. Also I have so much to study and maybe that has an impact too. Staying strong...*sigh* I am dealing with so many other things, which arent necessary to post, besides losing my ex. I honeslty dont see my situation getting any better. Sometimes I'm at home all alone just going crazy. I don't know what to do. I miss him so much, he was my comfort in times of need and he gave me strength when I felt weak. I feel like just giving up on everything. Another thing, I'm used to being happy and living a good life with ALOT of people around, this isthe first time in my life i am experiencing this. How do I deal??? I have never felt so lonely! You need a close friendship that serves as a surrogate relationship. When I was single I had a couple of close female friends with whom I would hang out, watch movies, make dinner together, go dancing, do cheesie couple type stuff, but never go further than that. I didn't want a relationship and needed time to myself to get my head straight. Yes I was attracted and sometimes had feelings, but I never wanted to go further because I knew it would get complicated. It worked beautifully for me. I had that bond and closeness, someone to depend on, but no obligations or limitations. It was great, I had friendships where I needed them and could still go play the field.
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