LovieDove24 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Excuse me but this "ex" couple is spending an awful lot of Christmas time together.... They could easily swap time with their son by alternating Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Even if his new place isn't "toddler ready" and he has no furniture, he could take his son elsewhere like a movie, lunch, park, etc. It seems VERYodd to me that this is the arrangement an "ex" couple would agree upon. I understand it is the holidays and both parents probably want to spend as much time with their son as possible, but this is NOT the way it works with a seperated couple. The truth (and unfortunate) part of separating when you have a child is you have to SPLIT TIME. Something seems very fishy here....And I am speaking from experience. My ex and I have a 6 month old daughter together but you better believe we do not see each other nearly as much as your bf and his "ex" do....
Married One Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Well said, AlainasMama ! I totally agee, and esp. like the "wake-up" statement at the end! Excuse me but this "ex" couple is spending an awful lot of Christmas time together.... They could easily swap time with their son by alternating Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Even if his new place isn't "toddler ready" and he has no furniture, he could take his son elsewhere like a movie, lunch, park, etc. It seems VERYodd to me that this is the arrangement an "ex" couple would agree upon. I understand it is the holidays and both parents probably want to spend as much time with their son as possible, but this is NOT the way it works with a seperated couple. The truth (and unfortunate) part of separating when you have a child is you have to SPLIT TIME. Something seems very fishy here....And I am speaking from experience. My ex and I have a 6 month old daughter together but you better believe we do not see each other nearly as much as your bf and his "ex" do....
moonmosaic Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 My question is. What is the "ex" thinking? What is going through HER mind? The guy I have been with for the past 22 years is moving into his own apartment. We just had a kid but still he is leaving me. He doesn't have anyone but he "is not happy in this relationship and it's over" It would be interesting to find out what really goes on behind close doors, especially him spending so much time with her. If it's just a friendship then why worry about coming clean? If my ex told me he had found someone, I would be happy for him. The only reason I would be hurt on hearing the news is if I still had feelings for him and been hoping for reconciliation.
woodsie65 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Hi LC I have been reading your threads for a while now, and felt I would add my own experience for what it's worth I have been with my partner for 13 years now - he was married when we met and has two children. We had an affair for 4 years until he moved out of his marital home into a PLACE OF HIS OWN At the time I was hurt and disappointed that he did this and didn't just run to me but now with hindsight I can see it was the best thing for our relationship We now live together and everything has worked out well for us and the children. Our blended family is a strong unit. I believe this is due to us taking things very slowly from when he seperated from his wife and children What you have begun to experience with him is just the tip of a huge emotional iceberg. He will have many changes of mood - a lot he will not even understand himself. He sounds a good man in that his PRIORITY is his child and whilst it seems you admire this trait in him, please don't make the mistake of trying to make him choose between you and the child Christmas will ALWAYS be an emotional time for him FROM HERE ONWARDS. If you force the issue you will LOSE. If not now, potentially in the future where he could resent you for it He has offered you a compromise which is probably - to him - a massive sacrifice. Take it with grace. If you have a future all these things will be easier in the years to come The best - and hardest thing - you can do now - is what some other posters have said. Focus on your life and what you want to do. Stand back and give him space. Make your own decisions. I had many Christmases making my own arrangements - it CAN work. It may feel like he is calling all the shots - but he needs to make the decisions for himself without pressure He probably is confused about how he feels about leaving such a long term relationship - but allow him the time to go through that process. Be prepared that he may decide that he doesn't want to seperate from his ex at all. He has 22 years of his life to mourn. Allow him to do that. This may sound harsh but it is realistic. Maybe he is buying time from both of you whilst he decides what he wants to do, and maybe he isn't. Only time will tell There can be a happy ending as I can testify - but you need patience and understanding, and most importantly, the ability to look after yourself and give yourself what you NEED because at the moment - he cannot give to any of you I wish you all the best xx
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