Shygirl15 Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Goodmorning. I hope someone out there is having a great day. So, as a follow up to this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t171070/ I received some wonderful ideas that between now and when my ex arrives, will be the best time to express my love for my BF. So, I tell him I love him for the first time last night, he tells me he likes me a lot and cares a great deal about me. But no love. At least not yet. I flip out and went off on him. I don't understand. He gave me every signal to believe he was in love with me. And there he was telling me how sorry he is for making me feel like this. This is all new to me. I have never been the first one to say 'I love you' which means I always respond back; have never had my 'I love you' rejected like that. I'm not sure how to proceed here. Any advice? I was thinking in the lines of giving myself space and stop contacting him for a while.
allina Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I'm sorry that things didn't go according to plan. This is why I oppose ever telling the man you love him first. I feel like men need to realize this first, then get comfortable with it, then vocalize it. Now that it has been said I'm not sure if stopping contact is the best idea. This will only show him that something is up and that you're upset, which will make him feel stressed and pressured. Assuming you do love this man and want a happy relationship I would act the same as always. I think it was a huge mistake to flip out and go off on him, you may want to apologize for that and explain that you were hurt. He did nothing wrong, he was honest with you. I'm not sure how long you have been in a relationship with him but it does take different people different amounts of time to be ready to proclaim that they're in love.
Author Shygirl15 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Thanks Allina. I did not blow off like that but rather expressed my dissapointment that he does not feel the same way I do, and kept asking him why he doesn't. I know I shouldn't have. But I couldn't help it. I have never invited a boyfriend to my house or introduced them to my child. This is how far I went with this particular man. I was so sure we hold the same feelings for one another and frankly I feeling cheated. Towards the end however, I said to him that our conversation will not affect our relationship in anyway. I guess I didn't realize how deeply hurt I was at that time. At this point I'm not quite sure if I want to proceed with this or not.
allina Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Ah, I see. Sorry, when you said you went off on him I assumed you meant lots of anger and yelling. While it's hard to suggest what the 'right' thing to do is, I think that if he's a great man who treats you and your daughter with love and respect that should outweigh the fact that he isn't ready to drop the L word.
IrishCarBomb Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I'm sure it hurts, but there's a bright side: he won't kiss your *** to just tell you what you want to hear. It's a testament to a person's character for that person to be honest when being dishonest would be an easier or more rewarding path. Maybe he's a decent guy when it's all said and done?
Author Shygirl15 Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 We did talk last night and clarified few issues. Apparently his definition of love and mine are completely different. His is that love = 100% commitment = a promise to marry. He's not in that position right now hence his unwillingness to confess his love for me. My definition of love is about emotions, how strongly I feel about him, how good I feel when I am with him, the physical attraction, mental connection, and how happy and satisfied I am with him. For me, love does not necessarily have to mean 100% commitment. Or marriage. So in the end, after comparing notes, we concluded that he also has the same type of feelings that I call "love" , but for him, these are "very strong feelings", not love. Fair enough.
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