LovieDove24 Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I need to vent. I am raising my 6 month old daughter all by myself and barely making enough to pay bills. I make $12/hr and I get about $350 a month in child support from the father. But between rent, car payments, insurance and my damn car breaking down on me all the time I cannot save any money...and I'm exhausted. Every morning I wake up at 5am to get myself and my daughter off to daycare where she will stay for 11 hours until I pick her up after work. I commute downtown everyday so this adds an extra hour and a half onto both of our days. I've been applying for jobs closer to home for the last 3 months, but with the way the economy is I've only had two interviews and no promises. When I get home after work I have NO time for myself because its feeding, bath and playtime for Alaina. 9 pm she goes to sleep and so do I cuz at 5am I gotta get back up and do the same thing. Its like I'm wasting all this time at work and away from my daughter for nothing! I never have anything to show for it. I really want to move closer to family and go back to school but at this rate it seems impossible. Every time I get even just $1000 saved up something crashes and burns. Basically I realize things could always be worse. I just feel like I'm in such a **** storm all the time and its exhausting. I WOULD LOVE LOVE LOVE to be able to spend my days with my daughter as some housewives do and I'm a little jealous I guess...why does the whole damn world have to revolve around money?
Ariadne Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Every morning I wake up at 5am to get myself and my daughter off to daycare where she will stay for 11 hours until I pick her up after work. I commute downtown everyday so this adds an extra hour and a half Oh God! You really have it tough. And with a baby even in the winter. Its like I'm wasting all this time at work and away from my daughter for nothing! Yes! Yes! Yes! I WOULD LOVE LOVE LOVE to be able to spend my days with my daughter as some housewives do and I'm a little jealous I guess...why does the whole damn world have to revolve around money? It's really very frustrating. Can you go stay with family for a while? Just so that you can be with your baby some more. And maybe you'll have to go study one of those fast courses like medical assistant etc, where you make pretty good money so you won't have to work as bad or at least save more.
2sure Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Yep. I remember. It was so hard...crisis after crisis. And when you dont have extra money EVERYTHING is a crisis. My daughter also spent more time in daycare or before/after school care...we were both exhausted. But you're doing it! Keep going. I know how hard it is to have hope when you feel like your facing the right direction but not going anywhere. When I was in your shoes, I used to wonder how all these people did it. Not married parents - but other single moms like myself. There was spme assistance out there - like for day care and health insurance - but not much (or nearly enough) for the single parent who was WORKING. It seems like the people who get the most assistance choose not to work and the rest get screwed. And I wanted to work, I didnt want to be a "welfare" mom. But I'll tell you something. With it all behind me now...I would tell a person in your position - get all the help you can and go back to school. Quit your job, cut your hours - do whatever you have to do to make yourself eligible for whatever is out there to receive. Single working mothers (blue collar) get screwed...as far as not being able to finish education, not getting nearly enough support to raise a child. I get it.
Author LovieDove24 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 THANK YOU 2 sure....hearing someone else who has gone through it gives me hope. Even just the reassurance of one person makes a difference. I think maybe I should try joining a single mothers group for support cuz with all the smiling couples I see with babies I could swear I'm doin it alone. I already have 2 years of schooling under my belt so at least that is a bit of a cushion. I think the prospect of quitting and going to school full time is very scary because its like you're taking 10 steps backwards in able to move forwards. Its like, I just want stablity NOW!! And I do take advantage of the assistance out there. I think single mothers are the most resourceful people on the planet! I get WIC which pays for her formula and I also get about $10 a month in "food stamps" (woo hoo!). Luckily 75% of my daycare is covered as well. As far as welfare goes I believe that may be my only option if I go back to school. I--like you--never wanted to be one of "those" moms but if it means getting myself an education I think I can let it slide. So I'm curious did you go back to school while being a single mommy? Thanks for all the kind words!
2sure Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 No, I didnt go back to school - just took nonsense classes here and there for years. I gutted it out , kept crappy jobs, and continued the cycle of living paycheck to paycheck. Like MOST single mothers (that are not on public assistance and having more kids to stay on it). This is one of the biggest regrets of my life. I came from a hard working, typically dysfunctional , catholic, blue collar family....I was raised to pull my own weight. When I ended up being a single mom (with an ex not able to provide much child support), I just did what I knew - worked. Then worked some more. And got no where for years. The hours alone, plus the stress of jumping from crisis to crisis really started to show when my daughter started elementary school. I didnt know enough to look for or ask for assistance. I didnt know my way around state aid. Figuring out the system, for those that truly deserve it and will not abuse it, is like a full time job. Its all like a big secret. Anyway , these days I pay big taxes. And I am telling you, take advantage of everything you can, let the system support you through this change. Go back to school right now, you are young, your child is small, suck it up and do it. My daughter is 13 now, I am remarried, have a great job, and my girl is top of her class. Thank God , times and things are good right now.
SierraRose Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I totally get what you are saying. Single Mom's never "punch out." My life was just coming together nicely. Landed a good job close to home, tossed the weight-around-my-ankle of an ex-b/f. Everything finally seemed to be falling into place for the first time in years. Well, I got laid off from my great job. Ex keeps resurfacing, poking to come back into my life. Every dollar I have goes into paying rent and utilities. My ex-husband and I are going to court to battle in January. Let's not even discuss $$ for Christmas presents for my boy...I am 110% drained.
gennamoon Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I feel your pain. I have two daughter's; 4 and 2, and this crap is tough. As soon as I come up with $600 to my lawyer, I will officially be divorced; however, I've been doing this single mom thing forever (even when I was married because my ex was working two jobs). I am in the worst financial state that I have ever been in and all because I'm trying to make a happier life for my two girls. My ex has always had financial woes and because of that I have had to financially do a lot of the supporting of our two girls. I work three days a week and could go back to work there full time, but it's a 30 minutes drive and with the added babysitting cost it just wouldn't be worth it. Everytime I think I'm getting a head with something, something always shows back up...hence, I thought when my ex went into sign the final divorce paper it would be final; however, he had to fix something which then incurred more charges on my end because I was the only one that has a lawyer...he refused to get one so I had to pay for the whole divorce. He was to be paying all the utility bills for the house we own, but when the oil prices went up since the oil bill is in my name he decided he wasn't going to pay for it. I ended up with an almost $900 oil bill and no way of paying it. Thankfully, I got them to agree to a payment deal, but now the oil tank is almost empty and I'm not sure how I'm going to afford to fill it. I want to sell my house; however, with the market being as bad as it is I'm not very hopeful. The house is in both of our names and neither one of us can afford it on our own. There are times when I find myself wondering was I a bad person in another life. Anyway, I feel your pain. I keep hoping that 2009 will be a much better year.
Eve Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I would say that it is more beneficial to study, do voluntary work and raise ones children. I have been a struggling single parent in the past.. and so has my Husband with his children. My advice would be to find a way to study no matter what. Noone can take away qualifications..Regards,Eve xx
AlektraClementine Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 I've been through all of this too. Even having a supportive ex. Child support is great but running your household completely alone is so difficult at times. Especially now with so many jobs and pay being cut, cost of everything else going up. I'll say this though. Once they are out of daycare, costs go down considerably. I didn't go back to school but did work my way up from being a receptionist to becoming Operations Director which is great because I have so much more flexibility and can even work from home quite frequently. On those days, I get to pick the kids up from school and spend at least 3 extra hours with them before starting dinner, baths, etc. Mine are 6 and 8 now. It's a tough job and I know that feeling of just wishing that someone else shared the load with you. It's hard but you do get through it eventually. As far as the time factor is concerned. I learned that even if it's only 1/2 of quality time, use it wisely. Try to just immerse yourself in that 1/2 hour.
pollywolly Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 I left an abusive husband after 10 years of marriage. I was pg with our 4th child at the time. Let me say right off that I could not be doing this without the financial and emotional support of my parents. I was a SAHM when we split. The decision was made that I should return to college. I get food stamps, WIC, my kids and I are on Medicaid. My child support for 4 kids is laughable (500/month) but the ex is paying the house note for the next 18 months at least. I pay everything else. In school, I get a full Pell Grant and some other aid here and there. I do get student loans to help out with bills. We struggle (me and my parents) but I am doing it. It is very hard to keep up with fours kids ages 9 and under and goto school full time but it is so worth it to be there for my boys after school and to be with my infant daughter most of the day. I also didn't want to be one of "those" mamas but I am going to school to be a teacher and hopefully my kids won't be too screwed up as adults so I figure I will be paying society back...eventually. Hang in there and never give up hope!
You'reasian Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 I need to vent. I am raising my 6 month old daughter all by myself and barely making enough to pay bills. I make $12/hr and I get about $350 a month in child support from the father. But between rent, car payments, insurance and my damn car breaking down on me all the time I cannot save any money...and I'm exhausted. Every morning I wake up at 5am to get myself and my daughter off to daycare where she will stay for 11 hours until I pick her up after work. I commute downtown everyday so this adds an extra hour and a half onto both of our days. I've been applying for jobs closer to home for the last 3 months, but with the way the economy is I've only had two interviews and no promises. When I get home after work I have NO time for myself because its feeding, bath and playtime for Alaina. 9 pm she goes to sleep and so do I cuz at 5am I gotta get back up and do the same thing. Its like I'm wasting all this time at work and away from my daughter for nothing! I never have anything to show for it. I really want to move closer to family and go back to school but at this rate it seems impossible. Every time I get even just $1000 saved up something crashes and burns. Basically I realize things could always be worse. I just feel like I'm in such a **** storm all the time and its exhausting. I WOULD LOVE LOVE LOVE to be able to spend my days with my daughter as some housewives do and I'm a little jealous I guess...why does the whole damn world have to revolve around money? Sorry to hear about your difficulties. What can you do differently that will make your current situation easier? What could you have done differently in the relationship that might not have brought it this way?
Eve Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 I think that for many children it is good to be there for them during their formative years and study for a solid career later on. Re-entering the work place will be much easier with a Degree. In the UK we have The Open University, which is a great way to study towards a Degree whilst at home. There must be a simular set up in th USA. My first Degree was gained this way. Since you are a single parent you may be able to get some financial help with the cost of the course. I enjoyed the flexibility of choosing differing modules each year. Do lots of voluntary work in the interim which you enjoy and just work part-time. The formative years of childhood are SO important. Whilst my babies were little I also started my own childcare provision which bought in a steady income and allowed me to be there with my children and their freinds. Get creative! You can do anything you want to do. All the very best, Eve xx
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