Nagini Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I had agreed to start dating a guy i dated last year who broke up because of 3 hours distance ... he didnt even tell me we were over. just stayed friends online/the phone but stopped asking me out. I found out months later he started dating another girl an hour away from him right after he stopped seeing me. he told me about her 8 months later when he was adding her to myspace. he was about to break up he told me. i got angry he never told me about her even though we stayed in touch EVERY day after our last date. He spent 2 weeks apologizing online for being a 'rat bastard' i forgave him and we agreed to start dating again. but time went by before i could see him and he wasnt FORCEFUL about telling me a specific date. instead he rgot a new gf. she broke up 2 months later... then he spent the summer again trying to woo me ldr. i finally bit again in late august after he cried on the phone. i told him he would have to be patient though but he should be happy because i had gotten a ne wjob near him that would start 12/08 or 1/09 he acted very excited for a couple weeks but bam then again he met a new girl and after pressing him for details he said she was attractive, sweet fun and now he was confused. he stopped online flirts and i withdrew. 2 more months go by and again he was dumped (apparently mutual friends say he was pushing her to be his gf and went to a party she was at and she deleted him as online friend next day) He seems to be flirting with yet another new gf but asked me when Im visiting to find an apt. That he has big date planned and that we should at least see each other soon before the year is over. SO I tested him. I said yes I agree we should at LEAST go on another date just because we've bene talking about it off and on all year. (well since end of march) I asked him when he is coming to visit my city to see me. He then answered by CHANGING the subject. , so i joked i should post the question publically on his wall. again he kept the subject changed to what he ate and bought that day. Now tonight he again said Im precious, he has missed me so much and when am I coming to visit, when do i move////// What is his deal ? he wants me to do all the work ? My friends say the fact that he didnt JUMP on my invitation to come finally see me is ENOUGH reason to give up... Forgetting everything else. Just ignoring me asking him to come see me is a slap in the face. (I will add for our last date last year, I came to see him, so it really IS his turn)
xpaperxcutx Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Honey, it's way past putting the ball on his court. He's disrespectful, flaky, and a womanizer. What possessed you to continue chasing after him? He can say all the sweet things in the world, and you could still see right through him to know his words are empty. You should just let him go instead of always jumping back on the same band wagon with him. It'll save you alot of frustration.
Author Nagini Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Honey, it's way past putting the ball on his court. He's disrespectful, flaky, and a womanizer. What possessed you to continue chasing after him? He can say all the sweet things in the world, and you could still see right through him to know his words are empty. You should just let him go instead of always jumping back on the same band wagon with him. It'll save you alot of frustration. I guess I've forgiven him because I knew his backstory from mutual close friends. He was heartbroken and left by his longterm gf of 3 years while they were engaged. She moved to London and married someone she met while they were engaged. For a long time I thought it was all her fault. Then he said she accused him of cheating and he told me he never ever would do that. He even wrote her 6 page letter to try and get her back. He seems so sincere at points. Thats why this hasnt been an open and shut case. sigh.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I guess I've forgiven him because I knew his backstory from mutual close friends. He was heartbroken and left by his longterm gf of 3 years while they were engaged. She moved to London and married someone she met while they were engaged. For a long time I thought it was all her fault. Then he said she accused him of cheating and he told me he never ever would do that. He even wrote her 6 page letter to try and get her back. He seems so sincere at points. Thats why this hasnt been an open and shut case. sigh. And that's why he's treating you or any other girl out there the same way. Move on. You can't fix a broken man.
Author Nagini Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Meh he was broken for a long time. BUT since at least last 6 months I know he is over her. he thinks she wasn't hot enough facewise in the end and was too much of talkative control freak in real life. i think he is an ego maniac who probably made her feel unwanted and she was smart enough to bolt. he is RIGHT NOW on matchDOTcom with his IM window on receive. haha always looking. last straw.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I know some think I'm out-dated/old-fashioned, but my mom raised me that the guy should make reasonable accommodation to see YOU. You shouldn't be the one doing all the travel. Sounds to me like he's looking for a quick, easy "fix." Don't go for it. If he can't be bothered to come see you (especially since you've already been out there!), then I wouldn't be bothered to go see him. IME, the ones that expected me to do all the traveling turned out to be the jerks. In addition, I think it's time to go NC on this guy - he's using you as a back-up between GFs and that needs to stop. I'm sure there are better guys you can be spending your attentions on.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Are you serious? I'm not joking or being sarcastic. Just reading your first post, I can't for the life of me figure out why you are thinking this guy is even remotely into you, except for when he's in downtime between other women and even then he doesn't seem to be doing much more than just keeping you barely on the hook. I don't see a single positive thing about this guy. What are the qualities he has that you see as positive?
Author Nagini Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Are you serious? I'm not joking or being sarcastic. Just reading your first post, I can't for the life of me figure out why you are thinking this guy is even remotely into you, except for when he's in downtime between other women and even then he doesn't seem to be doing much more than just keeping you barely on the hook. I don't see a single positive thing about this guy. What are the qualities he has that you see as positive? I guess because he spends his free time either emailing me or photo stalking my pictures/vlogs online (i run a health /beauty website) Asking me how i am in the morning, noon and night. Tries to talk to me about current events and tell me all about his day to day life. I suppose he may do that by rote. Just automatically to draw women in//// His positive qualities are high intelligence, entertaining personality, humor, looks, good listener. Bad qualities are jerking me around thinking Im this sweet lovely doll he can pull off the shelf to play with when he feels like and that shove me in the toy box when another doll piques his interest. And seems to have some impulse control problems... Drinking/ eating/ driving car way fast, spending lots of money. He's up front about his behavior at least. Oh gawd he sounds like one hot mess !
Author Nagini Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 In addition, I think it's time to go NC on this guy - he's using you as a back-up between GFs and that needs to stop. No Contact. Need to burn that phrase into my brain
O'Malley Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 He seems so sincere at points. Seems, but isn't; the only consistent behavior he displays is insincerity. Quit being available for a pat on the head from him when he's between girlfriends. Go no contact with this guy, even if you have to change your accounts or block him.
Author Nagini Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Seems, but isn't; the only consistent behavior he displays is insincerity. Quit being available for a pat on the head from him when he's between girlfriends. Go no contact with this guy, even if you have to change your accounts or block him. Ill just say Im busy... it's the truth anyway. im finishing grad school and working two jobs and selling my dad's condo plus my dad finally recovered from a heart attack he had this year and since my mom/his wife died 10 years ago, it will be nice to spend holiday season around him since he is moving overseas in a month ! my life is too busy for LDR jerking my chain i feel bad for him though/./ he missed out on something good !
IrishCarBomb Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I'd love to lay out all the reasons that this guy will let you down, and all the reasons you should avoid him... but your pattern of behavior is just telling me that no matter what anybody tells you... you'll just bend to his whim.
Author Nagini Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 I'd love to lay out all the reasons that this guy will let you down, and all the reasons you should avoid him... but your pattern of behavior is just telling me that no matter what anybody tells you... you'll just bend to his whim. nah I have 3 other nice smart accomplished attractive guys interested in me. i do fine dating men. just this one has bene my krpytonite im just big on personality.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 nah I have 3 other nice smart accomplished attractive guys interested in me. i do fine dating men. just this one has bene my krpytonite im just big on personality. Well apparently your personal choice of personality involves a guy who jerks you around more than you can count. Don't be so easily duped by a guy's words when you know they're never sincere about it.
IrishCarBomb Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 nah I have 3 other nice smart accomplished attractive guys interested in me. i do fine dating men. just this one has bene my krpytonite im just big on personality. So... you recognize that he's bad for you, and also you know there are other guys out there, but you still opt for his mistreatment? Just because of his personality?
You'reasian Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 His positive qualities are high intelligence, entertaining personality, humor, looks, good listener. Bad qualities are jerking me around thinking Im this sweet lovely doll he can pull off the shelf to play with when he feels like and that shove me in the toy box when another doll piques his interest. And seems to have some impulse control problems... Drinking/ eating/ driving car way fast, spending lots of money. He's up front about his behavior at least. Oh gawd he sounds like one hot mess ! ooohhh, midnight snacks...now that's crossing boundaries He sounds evil.
Author Nagini Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 ooohhh, midnight snacks...now that's crossing boundaries He sounds evil. he wont let me see photos of him from 17-22 because he weighed 280. been 210 for years works out... Anyway Im super depressed but oddly calm. I noticed on his facebook page last night (fb sent me the alert) that the latest girl who wants to ride his nonstop merry/go/round made a comment because he said he is sick with sore throat. she said oh it must be MONO and he commented back haha lol that was funny. so they have inside jokes now. I then noticed she commented on some photos of his. that they were hot , that he looks amazing in person, etc. So I am just completely DONE. I left a pithy remark. Which now all my friends saw (they saw the entire thread on his photo.) My friends are fiercely protective of me and are gathering the wagons around me .... They know how much he has been vocal about missing me and whatnot and now they think he is the biggest creep evah.
Author Nagini Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 So... you recognize that he's bad for you, and also you know there are other guys out there, but you still opt for his mistreatment? Just because of his personality? I've been looking nonstop since we broke up for someone to equal his personality. sucked that he was unique in that respect. but now he can go blank himself. Im finally getting really livid. Because at this SAME time last year I was mising him AFTER he broke up because of the distance. I recall him saying how lonely he was. No turns out he was seeing another girl. So here I am a second year ina row sad over him at the Holidays ? No. fracking. way. And I have such an easy way out. I asked him when he was visiting earlier this week, he changed the subject so I can always say he had another chance and ignored it. Fker
You'reasian Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 he wont let me see photos of him from 17-22 because he weighed 280. been 210 for years works out... Anyway Im super depressed but oddly calm. I noticed on his facebook page last night (fb sent me the alert) that the latest girl who wants to ride his nonstop merry/go/round made a comment because he said he is sick with sore throat. she said oh it must be MONO and he commented back haha lol that was funny. so they have inside jokes now. I then noticed she commented on some photos of his. that they were hot , that he looks amazing in person, etc. So I am just completely DONE. I left a pithy remark. Which now all my friends saw (they saw the entire thread on his photo.) My friends are fiercely protective of me and are gathering the wagons around me .... They know how much he has been vocal about missing me and whatnot and now they think he is the biggest creep evah. Can you let go?
Author Nagini Posted December 19, 2008 Author Posted December 19, 2008 Can you let go? i sent agoodbye letter, but now feel pathetic
Trialbyfire Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 You're suffering from the bad boy syndrome. As your emotional doctor, I recommend that you STAY AWAY from this jerk. Take two pain killers and go straight to bed...by yourself!
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