Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Oy. I wrote about this guy on my last thread, The Facebook Curse, and now I'm wondering what to do. If I was talking to a friend, I would say, don't call! Let him call you! But I kinda want to call. Brief review: Know a guy professionally, he expressed interest in hanging out, so we met up with some of my friends. Everone liked him, he liked them. It was a teeny bit awkward at first because I know him from the job. But that didn't last long and we talked easily about a lot of stuff. We don't work together, and I don't see him that often, and everything's above board as far as that goes so I don't need to hear any advice about that. On the way out, he kissed me, kinda like a little peck, but on the lips, which definitely "let me know" that his interest was beyond friend. He called me about something work related this weekend, although it really didn't have to do with me. Saw him briefly Monday, and he gave me the long, lingering stare as he waved goodbye. So......it's Wednesday. The reason I'm thinking of calling him is because I'm not sure he knows that I'm interested in him. He did say that we should do this again, and I agreed, but he seems a little bit shy. He also gets a little nervous around me, in a cute way. Or am I being ridiculous by thinking of calling him? So I was thinking I would call to say hi, later on tonight, close to the end of the calling window in case he calls me. Is this a good idea or are you all going to save me from myself??
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Girls, feel free to give me your 2 cents too!
xpaperxcutx Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 You should call him. What I don't understand is why everyone feel like it's the guy's obligation to call the girl? I think the task should be divided between the two genders. Which is why if you want to talk to him, don't hesitate to drop a hello.
zhsoj Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Personally I would welcome it. Especially if you think that you gave an unclear impression on weather you welcomed his advances... It would/should make your intentions perfectly clear.
norajane Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 You invited him to meet your friends. It's his turn to invite you to something. And you KNOW that if a guy is interested, no matter how shy, he will call. No matter how busy, he will call. Being shy, he'll probably speak to you at work rather than calling, though. Having said that, I don't think you'd hurt anything by calling him. It's just more fun for you if he pursues you, right?
fral945 Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 You should call him. What I don't understand is why everyone feel like it's the guy's obligation to call the girl? I think the task should be divided between the two genders. Which is why if you want to talk to him, don't hesitate to drop a hello. +1 If you want to know call.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Well, I won't see him at work for a while so if he wants to see me he would have to call. I know, Norajane, that if the dude really wants to see me he will usually call. That is why I hesitate. It is more fun when they are pursuing me. Of course, while I'm waiting for this guy to call, this other guy called to ask me out and I am totally not interested in him. In fact, I've kind of blown him off before. Aye! It sucks because I actually like this guy. He's cute and fun, and since he already knows me from another environment, I feel like he must know whether or not he's really interested. I mean, if I met the guy randomly in a bar and went out with him once, I would not be terribly surprised if it was a one date wonder. But this guy knows me.
Isolde Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I think you should go ahead and do it. It's not chasing him if you do it once to express your interest.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Well, I won't see him at work for a while so if he wants to see me he would have to call. I know, Norajane, that if the dude really wants to see me he will usually call. That is why I hesitate. It is more fun when they are pursuing me. Of course, while I'm waiting for this guy to call, this other guy called to ask me out and I am totally not interested in him. In fact, I've kind of blown him off before. Aye! It sucks because I actually like this guy. He's cute and fun, and since he already knows me from another environment, I feel like he must know whether or not he's really interested. I mean, if I met the guy randomly in a bar and went out with him once, I would not be terribly surprised if it was a one date wonder. But this guy knows me. CB I admit it's absolutely exciting to have a guy chase you, but this guy has no idea that you're interested. But instead of having him wondering about how to get you to go out on dates, you're the one in the chasing position. Just give him a call and ease those nerves of yours.
norajane Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 CB I admit it's absolutely exciting to have a guy chase you, but this guy has no idea that you're interested. But instead of having him wondering about how to get you to go out on dates, you're the one in the chasing position. Just give him a call and ease those nerves of yours. He kissed her. Unless she gave him the evil eye afterwards, he knows she's open to his attention. SHE invited him to join her when she met her friends, after all. CB, if you MUST call him, wait until tomorrow, call him from work about something. He called you over the weekend about some unrelated work thing; you do the same and give him a chance to make a move. Chat him up instead of being all business, make him laugh. Unless he's slow, he'll ask you out.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 I guess it couldn't hurt. He must know whether or not he likes me. If he does, and he's not sure that I'm interested, then this would solve it. If he doesn't, then it wouldn't matter anyway. If he is interested, and my call turns him off, then he is probably more interested in the chase than me. That is my rationale. I mean, if you already knew you liked a girl, you would probably be happy that she called, right? If you didn't really know her, then it might be different. This has all kind of taken me by surprise, so whatever happens, it's been nice. I was feeling kinda down when he expressed interest in hanging out. I was caught off guard in a good way.
norajane Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I guess it couldn't hurt. He must know whether or not he likes me. If he does, and he's not sure that I'm interested, then this would solve it. If he doesn't, then it wouldn't matter anyway. If he is interested, and my call turns him off, then he is probably more interested in the chase than me. That is my rationale. I mean, if you already knew you liked a girl, you would probably be happy that she called, right? If you didn't really know her, then it might be different. This has all kind of taken me by surprise, so whatever happens, it's been nice. I was feeling kinda down when he expressed interest in hanging out. I was caught off guard in a good way. If you call him on a work-related matter during work hours, even if you have to make something up like he did, you can give him an opening without overtly pursuing. It's better than laying it on the line tonight.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 He kissed her. Unless she gave him the evil eye afterwards, he knows she's open to his attention. SHE invited him to join her when she met her friends, after all. CB, if you MUST call him, wait until tomorrow, call him from work about something. He called you over the weekend about some unrelated work thing; you do the same and give him a chance to make a move. Chat him up instead of being all business, make him laugh. Unless he's slow, he'll ask you out. It would be easy to call him, maybe tomorrow, and ask how everything went Monday since I didn't really ask him about it at the time. That would be totally natural. There was a reason I invited him to meet my friends. He is not from this country and I have a friend from his country, so that's sort of how this thing rolled. He said he would like to meet her (she has a bf) because they are from the same country. I thought it was sort of an easy way to get me out of the office for him. It would have been harder for him to directly ask me out, given our positions. Then when we met my friend, it was pretty clear that he was more interested in hanging out with me than meeting her. In fact, since he first mentioned it, he never mentioned talking to her again. She also said the same. Well I hope he doesn't come on this board because if he does then he will totally know this is me
zhsoj Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I mean, if you already knew you liked a girl, you would probably be happy that she called, right? Yes. I'd find it difficult to imagine being upset at being pursued. And my definition of overly aggressive would be the continued pursuit after I spelled out I wasn't interested. So for myself I'd be happy if she called. I'm the first to admit that I sometimes need help deciphering if my advances are welcome. Not to thread-jack, but I really am wondering where this idea that guys can't handle being pursued came from?
Lizzie60 Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Come on.. why wait for the guys to do all the 'work'... if you want something.. go and get it.. no one will get it for you... Go for him!!! (but let us know the outcome )
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Sometimes I think I would make a much better guy than girl when it comes to dating. I have no problem calling, I can handle rejection, and I would rather have some control over things. The hard part about being a woman is that you have to be more passive and receptive, which I totally get, but I would rather be the one to make things happen (or not happen). But I know that even thought there aren't rules per se, there are traditions, and there are roles. Not that they can't be tinkered with, i.e. this thread.
Nagini Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Wait. you said he is from another country. Where ? Is it the custom for women to be proactive there or not ?
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Come on.. why wait for the guys to do all the 'work'... if you want something.. go and get it.. no one will get it for you... Go for him!!! (but let us know the outcome ) Lizzie, I would love to see you work your magic. I'm sure I could learn a thing or two
norajane Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Wait. you said he is from another country. Where ? Is it the custom for women to be proactive there or not ? Excellent question!
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Wait. you said he is from another country. Where ? Is it the custom for women to be proactive there or not ? In his country things are much more casual. People don't really date like they do in the US. They hang out in groups, and thing seem to develop more casually. There is not as much formal dating, i.e. asking her for a date, taking her out to dinner and a movie. Not that these things wouldn't happen later on. It is just not as formal.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 And the women from the country are known to be...how shall we way...a little more free? As far as proactive, I'm not sure, I will have to ask my friend. I know she is very direct. I'm not sure how much that is her heritage and how much is just her personality.
Isolde Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I think it really has to do with the personality of the guy also. Some aren't natural pursuers and are really sick of the "rules of dating," just like you are. Some are more traditional, and you can probably tell just by how he acts. If your personality is to go for what you want, what good does it do you to hide it? Just a thought. There is a difference between interest-expression and shamelessly chasing someone.
Nagini Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Okay well my most free wheeling friends are from Down Under or are Scandinavians. Where ever he is from it sounds like it would be no big deal for you to call.
katrik Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 CB!! the same thing happend to me, I am not from this country,I moved here for school long time ago......I had the same problems blushing, feeling coy and then gave her a hug after a pseudo-date but she stepped up and called me next time for some stupid reason and we went out after school. (She was my first gf here) ....... so go-ahead no matter where he is from, guys will always be happy if a girl calls him to start the conversation.
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