Liam Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Ok, here goes. This was my 2nd long term relationship. I was going out with this girl for 2 years now, and i really fell in love. We went to the same uni and all that jazz, and went out together, but we also gave each other our own space. So you could say it was just like any normal relationship. We did love each other and all that. But by the end of the 2nd year, we started arguing much more than we usually did. We decided to go on a break, mutually of course, just to see if giving each other more space would cool things down. We didn't argue, but we thought we should leave it at that. Just friends - we said for now, like best friends, and we were. We knew everything about each other and it was good, we both agreed that we wouldn't go seeing other people, as it would ruin our 'relationship'. A week after this agreement she starts acting weird, she says she's staying back after her lectures (she was supposed to come round for a chat) to do some work. I was fine with that, until I found out she was staying behind with a guy. That didn't bother me too much, it was just the fact that she lied to me about it, or just didnt mention it. Following that, she met up with him again, again without telling me, saying she was out with her girl friends. Now I know, nothing happened I guess, but still, I was starting to get prettty jealous now. And I told her about it. One night, she rang me up, apologised for what she had done, saying that she thought he was a nice guy and that he'd let her down. She apologised saying that she should never have gone seeing him behind my back, and that she put herself on a line for our great relationship. I accepted this apology (mainly because, i love her, and because I thought this could have happened after we broke up). A week later, another guy, who she had never talked to before, but she knew, started texting her. (I knew, and she knew, that this guy was the bigheaded, full of himself, type) She still decided to meet up with him, again, behind my back, after saying that he wanted to have sex with her. (she said she told him she'd just go bowling with him as a friend and she wasnt interested) I do pretty much know that nothing happened, because I really don't think she's that type. But again, it still bugged me, that she didnt tell me. (i found out by ringing her while she was out with him at the alley). Now all that aside. She forgot about him, and now we were friends. But I couldn't stop thinking to myself that I couldn't trust her anymore. Now, when she talks to guys, I get agitated and jealous (im sure you know the feeling right?). After this, we started to start 'seeing each other again' to see how things got on. Again, this didnt work, too well, I mean, it dodnt go badly, just nothing happened. We had finally drifted apart it seemed. Now I think, this is what she wanted, because I tried very, very hard in trying to talk to her, but she just seemed to get annoyed with me. Tonight, we have just had another argument about this whole situation, and I told her that I didn't trust her. In short, the argument finished along the lines of, We should never speak again, nice knowing you, etcetc. Now of course, I am still madly in love with her, and I think she is too (although, not sure). And already im thinking to myself, "why did I do this?!" I know I did nothing wrong. I know, we weren't going out when this stuff happened but the main question is: Should I have acted this way? (she admitted that she would have gone crazy if i'd seen other girls after breaking up, especially without saying) I just feel so empty and bad now, I didn't feel this way the first time I broke up with a girl (yeah, I was younger, but still). I don't care about the relationship, I just want to talk to her and be her best friend again, because she just made me happy. Liam P.S. Sorry if I have droned on. EDIT: The reason that I still want to stay friends with her, is mainly because, I just love hanging around with her. I also love her family, they are awesome. And the dog... well, just crazy. We know everything about each other. etc etc. I know I will have to get over her somehow, I just dont want to get over her by ignoring her. I know that that is the harder way to do things (is it possible?). I also know that deep down, I am not looking to get back with her. I just want to remain friends. I just know I will always love her. p.p.s. Any other guys feel like they are 'less of a man' because they want a girl back? I sure am.
cloud101 Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 hey dude I am going through a similar traumatic experience with my ex at the moment we have been separated for just over a week and i knew my girlfriend had other guys chasing her but it seems that mine stayed faithful. My girl actually knocked the guy that was chasing her back, now this has certain comparisons with what happened in your relationship. Believe it or not scientists believe 90% of the time a women never cheats and it is usually down to the male most of the time. Men are very possessive and jealous creatures from my experience and i found myself constantly doubting who my ex was with , what is she doing and so on and so fourth. What i am trying to get at here is, relationships are built around trust and if you can believe what they are doing when they are saying it. Now i am in a very similair situation as you and i dont want to lose my ex cause i love her to bits but the best advice i can give you is give yourself some time to heal..... go to the gym, hobbies, party and just keep your mind off it or you will ponder her. When you beleive the time is right maybe after a month or so drop her a call saying something along the lines of hey i hope your family had a great xmas and i was just wondering if you would like to grab some lunch or an afternoon coffee. KEY!!! Dont push to much on past issues and try and smile , beleive me a girl loves to see a guy with a smile on his face, take the time to ask yourself where you went wrong and how you can improve yourself... Keep the conversation brief and touch on how her holiday season was. if anyone wants to see my dillema check http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t171860/~ Kind Regards Cloud101
Author Liam Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 Well at least I'm not the only one out there. Don't worry, I'm not on the point of, sitting at home, eating chocolates all night. (although I do eat a big galaxy bar a day, how am i not fat?!?! although, I have always done this) I do go out, do all my sports etc. Ignoring my relationship crisis, I'm actually having a good time, with sports, I'm exceeding with all of them, I just achieved 1st Dan black belt in Judo, first go. Maybe thats what I should concentrate on atm. Im pretty sure she didn't cheat on me or anything, I just want to get this trust back on track.
cloud101 Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 dude let me tell you there are thousands of people who are experiencing this heartache daily, but you sound like you have a good thing going with taking your mind off things, Make sure you keep that positive attitude and do not let any negative thoughts creep in, like i said i would say the best thing you could do is just leave it till after xmas , set yourself a a goal to contact her in the new year and jeez i know its as hard as nails not to pick up the phone and contact her but if you give her some breathing space who knows where the new year will take you i just hope it is to great places.... Now back to worrying about my ex
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