Jordan51 Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 For those of you who don't know my back story I'll keep it short. Went out with my girlfriend for almost 2 years, I was her longest and she was mine. Things got rough because I had anxiety issues that prevented me from going out without feeling sick to my stomach which hindered our relationship. I eventually tell her listen we need to end this FOR NOW while I seek help and she said that's fine. During our first week of being separated she called like crazy but I pushed her away because I needed to get better. Two weeks she accepts me back then tells me she needs time to think because she's attracted to another guy. I smothered her in fear of losing her which made her run for the hills and we initiated NC, this started in August. I sent her a "hey how are you" face book message recently asking to be friends and that I had moved on (I thought I did). She reply's back through email telling me she didn't want to send the message over facebook. My guess for that is if you send someone a message who you are not friends with you can see their personal info for one month, and I guess she didn't want me to see that she was "in a relationship" which may or may not be true. She tells me she cried when she read my message and wants to be friends but she thinks we should wait a bit longer and that she has moved on. This other guy has a picture of them two as his profile picture which makes me believe they are going out.... My question to you guys is what does the fact that she cried mean? does it mean she still has feelings for me? I sent her a reply because she asked how my family was doing and I told her I got emotional reading her message too and that maybe now wasn't the best time to be friends. I honestly can't picture myself being friends with her, I just want her back but is it too late at this point? I was thinking of sending another message asking her if us getting back together was realistic? Do I need to move on with my life? If there is any chance I can get her back I'll try but if it's obvious it won't work then I'll just move on with my life. I'm at a standstill obsessing over her.
Geishawhelk Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 She cried.... Maybe for nostalgia... Maybe because she realised you were hurting, and she thinks enough of you to not want that... Maybe because she sees you have gotten better and improved yourself, but she didn't stick around long enough to see that happen.... Who knows....? Maybe all of the above. Maybe none. The fact is, she HAS moved on. It's been a while, and now, to ask her to think about breaking out of this relationship, I think would be a possibility, but an unfair one. Do you want to put her in a position of confusion, to hurt this other guy, now? Do you want to mess with her mind? Really, I think you need to take a big breath, release, put it all down - and move on.
Author Jordan51 Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 I understand what you mean but this other guy I could care less about. She did also mention that it was really ****ty how things had to turn out in order for me to get better. But the fact that she doesn't want to see me just yet makes me think that maybe there is no second chance. Either way I was the one who got screwed here just because I wanted to better my life and the relationship. So you do think there's a chance here then? If so what should I do to capitalize on it? She hasn't responded to my reply which was sent on monday.
Geishawhelk Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 I say again, because you're not listening.... Really, I think you need to take a big breath, release, put it all down - and move on. But now I realise you're persisting because it's not what you want to hear, is it? So you do think there's a chance here then? If so what should I do to capitalize on it? She hasn't responded to my reply which was sent on monday. Where in my post did I actually say anywhere that I thought there was a chance? Nowhere. How do you capitalise on a "she has moved on.".....?
Author Jordan51 Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 No I'm not just saying that because It's what I don't want to hear, I just misread your post. I think you are right though, I need to move on and being friends with an EX doesn't work. So do I just leave it be or do I send her an e-mail telling her maybe it's best if we go our seperate ways because right now she thinks we're going to patch things up in the future.
Ronni_W Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 My question to you guys is what does the fact that she cried mean? It just means that she's human. And yes, it also means that you do need to accept that it really, truly is over. Because I'm not seeing any realistic chance that there is going to be a reconciliation...maybe not even a friendship in the future. There's absolutely no reason to contact her. As you say, you believe from both her profile and the other guy's profile pic, that she is in another relationship -- for her, there's nothing romantic to "patch up" with you, so it's highly doubtful that is what she's thinking. All your new contact will be able to message is, "our break up is still on" -- she knows that, she doesn't need to hear it again, she's seeing someone else. Yes, just leave it. Accepting that it’s over is rough, but it has to be done if your goal is really to heal and move on. (((hugs))).
justaman99 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I don't understand why someone needs to break up in order to get their **** together. Relationships are supposed to be there regardless of the challenges we face on an individual level. When you are married and with kids can you say "hey I need to break up for a few months so I can deal with my anxiety"? No you can't. On a subconscious level she may think you can't deal with the hard times as a couple. I'm sorry but it is a sign of weakness in the relationship. You also had the opportunity to have her there to help you, to be a support system for you while you go through it. I don't understand what you think a relationship should be. -Just
Angel1111 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I think it does mean that she has feelings for you, but I also think she's scared silly to think about going through all the drama again. I guess the only way to know if there's a chance is to ask her. But please don't send her an email to ask that. Ask her in person or call her on the phone. And, no, I don't think you need to just accept that it's over. But just understand that a lot of damage was done by pushing her away when you were going through a tough time. I'm sure it hurt her a great deal at a time when she wanted to be supportive of you; and when she would've expected you to want her there for support.
norajane Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I think you are right though, I need to move on and being friends with an EX doesn't work. So do I just leave it be or do I send her an e-mail telling her maybe it's best if we go our seperate ways because right now she thinks we're going to patch things up in the future. No, if you're going to say anything, BE HONEST. Tell her you can't be friends now because what you really want is to get back together. And just leave it at that. Move on.
Recommended Posts