A message of hope

[Aboohoo]

Hi Everyone,

 

I havent been on this site since June this year and i just wanted to log back on to give people hope who are dealing with their breakups who feel like they cant go on.

 

I broke up with my bf of 3 years back in January this year after i found that he was in love with another girl and i had to move out of my home and leave my job to return to my home town (who he met on the internet and know lives in another country). Anyway i went through absolute hell - my mind was taken over by thoughts of him 24/7, i kept imaging him with her, waking up several times in the night covered in sweat, listening to love songs and coming on here for emotional support.

 

But with the help of ppl on this board i slowly moved on...i didnt think i would ever be able to. I thought my life stopped when we broke up and that i would never be back to my normal self and i am....

 

Im better than ever - emotionally stronger and i dont miss him at all nor do i care about his new relationship (which i hear is not working out...hahaha). He treated me like crap so why would i want that in my life...er...i dont!!!!!

 

So i hope this gives you a little bit of hope but if ure anyhting like me you wont think this is capable for you right now but believe me it will...you will move on and start to feel 'human again'

 

Thanks to everyone who helped me and best of luck for all you going through hell right now xxxxxxxx

[EmperorR]

Thanks for this thread, always good to know the road further along is not as dark as it is now.

[Anastasia0309]

Yes! There is nothing you can't handle and when you get through this tuff time you will look back and realize just how strong you are!

[bkaz01]

i wish i could be in ur shoes and feel the way u did im so lost hurt and confused

[californiadreaming]

I am with "Bkaz" I am so hurt right now it's unreal. it's been 9 days since we split, and 5 days since I last spoke with her. I find myself waiting for her call, checking to see if she is pulling up when I hear a car.

 

I just can't figure out why would one need so much time to "heal" as she say's. idunno, I know the holidays are here and its a tough time because we met on Dec. 6 and went on our first date on Dec. 18 so man I am praying to hear from her either day, if not my bday on Jan. 11th. I love and miss her so much!

[Dmoney28]

hey californiadreaming. I'm in a similar situation as you, got laid off, struggling to find work, had to move back in with parents after she kicked me out...really similar. I understand where you are comming from. If you care to read my post..it covers..and still covering a 3 month ordeal with my ex of 3.5 years. Healing takes a long time bro...a very long time. And from what i read in your post, she like my ex , needs months. i mean like 8-9 months if she was that in love with you. Me and my ex were in contact since day one on and off every month, and honestly you got some work to put in.

 

1. i had to explain my actions a million times over....2. i did everything humanly to show her i really did love her..cuz she didnt believe me after my actions....3.sit through a lot..alot of angry call, and listen and agree to her....4.took every oppurtunity to better myslef..coucelling, religeon and selfhelp reading...because thats the only way you are going to see how bad you royally screwed up, and how bad you destroyed her selfesteem and trust....4. accept she aint comming back...just support her anyway you can...and man up, and allow her to walk if she does. She might come back..might not. But she needs months...8-9 months to even consider giving you a chance. Just my experience im sharing. Stay strong, NC, until she contacts you...and agree with what she wants...never argue. Its a long hard painfull road. If she gets to a point where she becomes friendly, and contacts you(over a months span), good...but just ask her for a month or so of NC so you can get emotionally better after that. Because you will get so used to her calling or txting, you will be on this cycle of NEEDING her to call you to make you feel better....and she will know this....And believe me..."HELL HATH NO FURRY LIKE A WOMEN SCORNED".

She's going to make you feel her pain..and you will take it because you love her...just allow yourself NC for a month to get your act together.

[californiadreaming]

hey californiadreaming. I'm in a similar situation as you, got laid off, struggling to find work, had to move back in with parents after she kicked me out...really similar. I understand where you are comming from. If you care to read my post..it covers..and still covering a 3 month ordeal with my ex of 3.5 years. Healing takes a long time bro...a very long time. And from what i read in your post, she like my ex , needs months. i mean like 8-9 months if she was that in love with you. Me and my ex were in contact since day one on and off every month, and honestly you got some work to put in.

 

1. i had to explain my actions a million times over....2. i did everything humanly to show her i really did love her..cuz she didnt believe me after my actions....3.sit through a lot..alot of angry call, and listen and agree to her....4.took every oppurtunity to better myslef..coucelling, religeon and selfhelp reading...because thats the only way you are going to see how bad you royally screwed up, and how bad you destroyed her selfesteem and trust....4. accept she aint comming back...just support her anyway you can...and man up, and allow her to walk if she does. She might come back..might not. But she needs months...8-9 months to even consider giving you a chance. Just my experience im sharing. Stay strong, NC, until she contacts you...and agree with what she wants...never argue. Its a long hard painfull road. If she gets to a point where she becomes friendly, and contacts you(over a months span), good...but just ask her for a month or so of NC so you can get emotionally better after that. Because you will get so used to her calling or txting, you will be on this cycle of NEEDING her to call you to make you feel better....and she will know this....And believe me..."HELL HATH NO FURRY LIKE A WOMEN SCORNED".

She's going to make you feel her pain..and you will take it because you love her...just allow yourself NC for a month to get your act together.

 

 

Man 8 or 9 months? I am not sure if I can handle that. Wait? That is 8-9 of building things back up I hope? If so then I am cool with that. I am willing to do whatever it takes to prove to her that I love her. I am just anxious to talk to her, and at this point she doesn't want to talk to me.

 

It is really hard. And my emotions are like a roller coaster, I can be cool for half of the day, and then night falls, and oh boy I am a wreck. See what also make's it hard is I am not working, or schooling, So I have 24hrs to sit and think about this woman. It is to the point where I am just going crazy.

 

What bother's me is the fact that I had something so perfect and I f***** it up. The simple fact of not knowing, if or when she will ever call or come back, kills me too. As much as I know she loves me, and think she will give me a chance, knowing that I screwed it up this bad, hurts!

 

And lately I have been putting all of these thoughts of another dude in my head because of some activity that I am pumping myself up about. Idunno man I am a F'n wreck right now. Life seems so fake to me now a days, a bad nightmare!

 

When she talked to my mom, she told her that we had a chance of getting back together, and that it was best to give her space to heal because she was hurt. also, in a email she sent me when we first split she said "remember how I use to need space when we would fight, I need space!"

 

so maybe she just needs to gain her composure before we can sit and talk?

[Dmoney28]

well, i know how it feels. i was laid off, im around the house 24/7...but i now use my spare time to read and brush up on my trade skill's. So yes, the loneliness will eat you up , if you dont stay busy. I suggest some coucelling or psychologist sessions to address your infedilty issues. Try reading "the 5 languages of apology" really good book. As far as you ex...i suggest giving her time and space as she asks...DO NO call her. The ball is in her court now. DO NOT try and hang out with her. If you guys been together more than a year she wont forget whats it like to be with you for a while, seeing you will only bring back more anger and pain. And right now she dosent see you the same way. DO NOT ask for another chance...this is pushing, people pull away when you push...and vice vera. betrayals in Break-up can be compared to a death of a loved one....so there is going to be 5 stages of grief....denial, anger, deppression, bargaining and acceptance. I'm guessing she's bouncing between denial and anger.So now is not the time for her to make any choices. She is still in that denial fog.

 

If she got back with you now...she most likely leave again. She's hurt, confused and still in denial about what happened. She needs time to herself...to heal and think clearly. And trust me..her family and friends are telling her to stay away from you. So you have so many factors working against you. Time is you ONLY ally on this. Think it of it like this. would you rather have a bandaid on a broken leg, and sent on your way....or would it be better for it to be set, casted, healed and some rehiblitation. A fast reconsiliation will 90% of the time end a second and final breakup. Give her time to heal, and build some trust with her....and prepared to be friends. Then she might consider giving you another chance. Because after you shattered her trust, and self esteem....you're luck she even talked to you. My ex was a knock out...had guys hitting on her 24/7...she cooked and loved me 100%(although i suspect some codependency issues). So i know how it feels to lose someone like that. But try not to dwell on that. These thoughts will eat you up. And dont worry about another guy...

1. from what you did to her...would she be wrong to see another guy?

2.thats your insecurity talking...thats a very bad trait to have in your situation

 

on a side note...i read your story, and have a comment, since we have

similar circumstances. Some times really beautiful women have insecurity issues for some reason. And guys sometime can sense that. They date them, and get really close emotionally. Then the women start depending on them for thier man for happiness....taking care of them, buying them things and enabling them by justifying thier mans negative behaviour. And the men take advantage of this...and soon become bored..and look for "thrill" elsewhere...and eventually get caught, and lose thier gf/wife. So if she leaves forever...you have to accept that..and learn...and grow from that experience. And make sure it never happens in a future relationship. if that last paragraph dosent apply to you, this disregard...good luck bro