I have just broken up with the person i love, is this right?

[Your Favourite Smile]

Hello, this is my first ever time posting, i will appreciate any feedback i receive..

 

Well my beliefs on breaking up are that if the significant other genuinely loves you, they will return to you.

 

But my situation is as follows, i have known this guy for at least a year, we have been in a relationship in the past and it ended with him breaking up with me because it was 'going nowhere'

I stayed strong through a week and didnt contact him, i thought that if he wanted to break up and move on, its fair enough.

We were on talking terms after that, however he said he still really likes me and wants to work it out.

Months and months passed and we got back together..

In these recent months, we have been on and off, in the good times he has talked about long term plans he wants with me, we have been happy whenever together, he had told me that i was all he wanted, that i was his happiness.

 

However, a week or so ago, there was an awkward moment whilst texting eachother, he had not replied to me in a while so i asked him jokely whether he was bored of me. He took this seriously and ended the conversation by telling me to think about what i say before jumping to conclusions.

 

A week had passed of no contact, ive had these distant times with him in the past as well, but i got sick the distance this time. I wanted to know whether he wanted to continue with a relationship, and what he felt for me.

So i plucked up the courage to contact him- through text (not the best form of communication im aware) and the subject of the relationship came up.

I asked if he wanted to be with me.. he asked what i wanted.

I said that i want to be with him, however i care more for what he feels, and i said im perfectly fine if he doesnt want the relationship.

He was being cagey, he wasnt opening up to me at all and so i just wanted an answer.

I told him i want to take the relationship seriously, and he said he doesnt know at the moment whether he can take it seriously.

I ended the conversation by telling him that he has left me with no other option (but to leave).

Ive waited far too long for him to respond to me and give me a direct answer. I still love him- i always will.

I just want to know whether this was the right thing to do, after all..

If he feels something i believe he will contact me in the future.

[DSM-IV Tom]

You made the right choice.

 

 

...As long as you did everything you could. Did you do what he said he always wanted? Which is plan for the future?

[Your Favourite Smile]

Thankyou

 

Yes, i feel as though i have said everything i wanted to say- i told him that i care for him, regardless of whether he wants the relationship.

 

As for the future plans, they were very long term, it involved living together- having a family. He seemed serious about it at the time, but because of this recent situation, these long term plans have probably been lost.. i have little self-belief and this is what makes me assume that these plans have now been lost..

 

But who knows? i still have no idea what he feels..he just didnt open up :/

[Angel1111]

I think you did the right thing because if someone can't answer a simple question like that, then you know the answer. When someone is cagey or confused, it's just a matter of time before they end the relationship themselves, or they push you so far that you feel you have no choice but to end it. Which is pretty much what he did.

 

If you're in a committed relationship with someone, you don't just blow up and not forgive. And you don't hide for a week without talking. It seems to me like he's really just looking for a reason to disappear and make you feel responsible for it. I know you're hurting but I think that if the two of you get back together, it'll just be the same thing all over again.

[Your Favourite Smile]

Definitely, i can agree with you there, i found no other choice and so im assuming he didnt care for the relationship.

In that week of no communication- i couldve let it carry on, but something told me that i needed the courage to ask him, i feel better for doing it.

 

But yes, i agree because it has repeated in the past, and this time he has to see that im not willing to be stringed along.

 

Thanks a lot for the help

[Eyeofthoth]

You are no victim, girl!

 

You are very strong and I admire that and strive to emulate it.

[Your Favourite Smile]

Thanks!

 

It makes me feel even stronger with all this support, i need assurance and i think i have that now

[dns502475]

Wow...

 

You can't do it any better that Girl (I refuse to call you a "victim") lol!

 

It was ABSOLUTELY the right thing to do! You saved yourself a ton of future pain, torture & heartbreak.

 

Good for you!

[Your Favourite Smile]

Thankyou for that

 

Do you think that telling him exactly how i felt about him was the right thing to do as well? Or should i have saved that?

 

I just wanted him to know that i was ok with it either way, and so it gave him an opportunity to tell me if he no longer wanted the relationship.. he didnt respond with a direct answer so i guessed that the right thing would be to break it off myself. Ive waited far too long, and though i do love him..im not prepared to wait forever if the feeling isnt mutual.

 

Thankyou

[dns502475]

You handled everything perfectly. Believe me, there are people here who wish they could have done what you did.

[Your Favourite Smile]

Thanks for the reassurance, ive not had many relationships/breakups in the past so i feel i lack experience.

 

Now i feel good and happy about my decision