Crazy.S Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 you can forgive if you want, but don't forget
EmperorR Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I think NC healed me, NC is great, as well as writing my thoughts when i was angry sad, delusional, paranoid in drafts but not sending them. As well as loveshack, I know it's sick but whenever I read a story worse than mine I felt kind of better like hey at least that's not me. I now feel nothing for my ex, but I won't call her notify her like hey I feel better let's be friends. i forgive her but I don't need her friendship, I don't need her knowing what's in my life. I honestly don't care if she never contacts me again and apologizes, because I don't need her apology. I did this on my own, no friends or family to lean on, no therapist to talk to. And loveshack has helped greatly, when I signed up I admit I was pathetic, so pathetic I was afraid and embarassed to admit to toatl strangers that I got cheated on, to now at the point where I feel 110% better.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 you can forgive if you want, but don't forget Who cares? I know deep down(even when we chill) that I am a shining star compared to her new "man". I know it. It makes me smile. I re-read all my posts. I was a mess. I felt like silly putty in her little hands. Now, it is water under the bridge. You can hold all the bitterness in the world if you want. If your ex cheated she did it because she did not know howto get out of the realtionship in a mature way. But, I will tell you....SHE wanted out. No matter how she possibly could have done it, it would not have suited you. Getting dumped is getting dumped. It is betrayal of trust and loyalty no matter what minutia was involved. You have to get over it and be cool. She/He made a choice.... The choice to cheat the choice to lie the choice to move the choice to break up with you on the phone the choice to not be with you. END RESULT: YOu got dumped. No matter what the details were. So, you loved them. You can still love them, just do it by being a descent person. Use that love to your advantage. I f-ed up alot in my pst relationship with my x. I had to MAN-UP and say it out loud! It takes two to make a thing go right! Take the most pro-active steps towards honesty with yourself and your X. You shared something, it has value. She/He has value. You have value. Hate breeds Hate. Bitterness breeds bitterness. No one feels good being hateful. it comes back around to you as baggage in your next relationship. Deal with this situation through the eyes of love, and you will be able to open up to the next person you meet. Deal with your situation as an escapist and with a vengeful mind, and you will be a trainwreck that any woman.man could spot from a mile away.
Surfer Dude Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Who cares? I know deep down(even when we chill) that I am a shining star compared to her new "man". I know it. It makes me smile. I re-read all my posts. I was a mess. I felt like silly putty in her little hands. Now, it is water under the bridge. You can hold all the bitterness in the world if you want. If your ex cheated she did it because she did not know howto get out of the realtionship in a mature way. But, I will tell you....SHE wanted out. No matter how she possibly could have done it, it would not have suited you. Getting dumped is getting dumped. It is betrayal of trust and loyalty no matter what minutia was involved. You have to get over it and be cool. She/He made a choice.... The choice to cheat the choice to lie the choice to move the choice to break up with you on the phone the choice to not be with you. END RESULT: YOu got dumped. No matter what the details were. So, you loved them. You can still love them, just do it by being a descent person. Use that love to your advantage. I f-ed up alot in my pst relationship with my x. I had to MAN-UP and say it out loud! It takes two to make a thing go right! Take the most pro-active steps towards honesty with yourself and your X. You shared something, it has value. She/He has value. You have value. Hate breeds Hate. Bitterness breeds bitterness. No one feels good being hateful. it comes back around to you as baggage in your next relationship. Deal with this situation through the eyes of love, and you will be able to open up to the next person you meet. Deal with your situation as an escapist and with a vengeful mind, and you will be a trainwreck that any woman.man could spot from a mile away. True words. I can't possibly think of a better way to get over a painful breakup than to forgive your ex. Love heals all sorts of wounds. Not talking about romantic love, but love towards life and all the people around us. Of course my ex is a douche, one sick f*ck who causes suffering to many people. I've never seen anyone causing so much grief to others as much as she does. But she doesn't do it because she is evil and decides "ok, now i'm gonna do some evil things to people", she just completely lacks understanding how her selfish actions and desire to fulfill her own needs are hurting people. She doesn't get it. Now, that's a definition of a douchebag and a prick, but honestly when you look deeper into people, you see that they are just lost and emotionally underdeveloped, probably raised in a family that didn't care, never experienced true love etc. They are just lost souls who need many life lessons to learn something. I don't approve their actions at all, but now I can understand why they do the things they do.
gd26 Posted December 7, 2008 Posted December 7, 2008 Who cares? I know deep down(even when we chill) that I am a shining star compared to her new "man". I know it. It makes me smile. I re-read all my posts. I was a mess. I felt like silly putty in her little hands. Now, it is water under the bridge. You can hold all the bitterness in the world if you want. If your ex cheated she did it because she did not know howto get out of the realtionship in a mature way. But, I will tell you....SHE wanted out. No matter how she possibly could have done it, it would not have suited you. Getting dumped is getting dumped. It is betrayal of trust and loyalty no matter what minutia was involved. You have to get over it and be cool. She/He made a choice.... The choice to cheat the choice to lie the choice to move the choice to break up with you on the phone the choice to not be with you. END RESULT: YOu got dumped. No matter what the details were. So, you loved them. You can still love them, just do it by being a descent person. Use that love to your advantage. I f-ed up alot in my pst relationship with my x. I had to MAN-UP and say it out loud! It takes two to make a thing go right! Take the most pro-active steps towards honesty with yourself and your X. You shared something, it has value. She/He has value. You have value. Hate breeds Hate. Bitterness breeds bitterness. No one feels good being hateful. it comes back around to you as baggage in your next relationship. Deal with this situation through the eyes of love, and you will be able to open up to the next person you meet. Deal with your situation as an escapist and with a vengeful mind, and you will be a trainwreck that any woman.man could spot from a mile away. Great post. It seems you have come a long way. Healing from your ex will help you get ready for your next relationship. If you meet a quality woman in the future, I'm sure it would be important to her to know that you aren't still burning up in anger over your ex. When I meet men, I personally find it a red flag if he is still bitter/angry/resentful about past women in his life. If he has made peace with his past, that is much more attractive to me - as I see him as a mature, quality man with a compassionate heart. One thing I also realize is that many of us have also been on the other side of things. WE have dumped someone in our pasts, and it wasn't always pretty (even if we tried to be kind). They still got hurt, and responded in pain - often similar to the ways we responded when we got dumped. I know personally I never meant to hurt a man in my past, and I feel bad that he got really hurt in the process. If I had known a better approach to breaking up with him, I would have - but I honestly didn't know what to do to make things easier on him. I think it's the same way with most of the people who break up with us. The majority of them don't do it with any malicious intent - they are simply ignorant. Breaking up sucks no matter how gently someone breaks up with you.
entityzero Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 True words. I can't possibly think of a better way to get over a painful breakup than to forgive your ex. Love heals all sorts of wounds. Not talking about romantic love, but love towards life and all the people around us. Of course my ex is a douche, one sick f*ck who causes suffering to many people. I've never seen anyone causing so much grief to others as much as she does. But she doesn't do it because she is evil and decides "ok, now i'm gonna do some evil things to people", she just completely lacks understanding how her selfish actions and desire to fulfill her own needs are hurting people. She doesn't get it. Now, that's a definition of a douchebag and a prick, but honestly when you look deeper into people, you see that they are just lost and emotionally underdeveloped, probably raised in a family that didn't care, never experienced true love etc. They are just lost souls who need many life lessons to learn something. I don't approve their actions at all, but now I can understand why they do the things they do. This relates to my ex so well and helps me understand how someone I know loved me at one point could hurt me the way she did. I hate what she did and the choices that she made, but knowing that her issues go deeper than what we had between us helps me move on and let go, true words, thankyou so much!
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