What is she trying to do to me?

[MrJohnBlack]

Hello.

 

Well first off, my girlfriend and I broke up after about 3 years of dating. It has been 5 days since we decided to pull the plug. Well, I would of kept going on being miserable until the end of time or whatever but she brought up the fact that we were both no longer happy with each other and it has been that way for a long time. I have compromised everything to try and save things, but I believe we were missing something from the start.

 

Before dating, we had been best friends for 2 years. Both gone through crappy relationships helping each other through hard times. Well I guess we made the mistake of taking it physical one day. After both getting out of relationships, being alone I guess we figured we would be together. How could it not work... Well.

 

From the beginning the passion was not there. Even when we first got together, it was exciting but not what I would call passion ya know. We love each other but I guess not the way that sustains a relationship for life. The only way I can describe it is when we would kiss, it was almost like we were never in sync. Never feeling each others next move. It was always peck peck turn heads etc. Never fluid passion flowing between each other. It was not effortless like it should be. I don't know how else to describe it.

 

Shes 32 and I am 26. I am a Scorpio and she is a Sagittarius.

 

Needless to say it has been very hard. We live together. So now I am moved into the guest bedroom taking the queen bed and my stuff. It has been so hard to separate our lives after doing everything together for so long.

 

I have been trying to do the no contract from the beginning. But since we still live together, until the lease it up in a few months I am stuck. I am making an effort to avoid contact at all costs. It is the only way that I am able to think positively and start the process of moving on.

 

Everyday since breaking up, she has contacted me. Via email, and via phone and IM. Little things like "How was your day?" "I'm not going to be home tonight for dinner" or "I am making such and such for dinner, if you want to join me". I always keep my answers short, and then say bye. I have altered my schedule waking up before her to go to the gym and coming home after she is already in the other room with the door closed.

 

Why is she trying to establish the little bits of chit chat between us? Does she honestly think we can sit across from each other at the dinner table and just make conversation?

 

Since the night of the breakup I have cut her off emotionally. When she starts to cry I walk away. When she asks for a hug, I resist. Only giving her a half hug. It breaks my heart over and over. Does she not understand that I have to make her disappear from my life now? That I cannot even think about her, because it brings me negative emotions and thoughts.

 

I think she is trying to make it easier for herself. Trying to get back some of the connection we had. I just cannot do it. I miss her so much. The smallest of things I miss. The simplest of things I miss. Why is she trying to make this easier for her and harder for me?

 

She initiated this breakup. I wanted it too I guess subconsciously, but I would have never done it. She said she loved me but was not "in love" with me. I loved her too much, or loved the way she made me feel. But which of those I am not sure.

 

If I could move out tomorrow I would. But I can't. I guess I just do not understand women. Never have, not sure if I ever will. Maybe when I meet the right one, she will make life easier for me instead of making everything more complicated. No relationship can be absolutely perfect but it has got to be easier than this.

 

What do you guys think of my situation?

 

Thanks for reading. Also thanks for everyone posting on these boards. Reading others problems has made me feel like I am not alone. Even when I go home every night to a house that is no longer my home, and to a bed with no one else in it.

 

MrJB

[ConfusedAtHome]

We are going through the exact same thing MJB! My partner and I actually own a home together, so we are sleeping in separate rooms and I'm doing as little contact as possible. It is difficult, but I"m trying to move on. She wanted the break-up, so now she has it.

 

She is going through a really hard time right now and wants me to be there to comfort her and I hate seeing her upset, but I'm not that person she was with. I can't be. She said she didn't want to be with me b/c she wasn't "in love" with me, so now she has to see what life is like without me being there for her.

[Sari]

MrJB I would say just get the hell out of there. Is it really not an option for you to stay with friends or family, or even pack a bag and stay in a motel/hostel? I was living with my boyfriend but when I ended things (through pretty much being forced to as he was too much of a coward), and I just packed a bag straight away and left. The thought of still being under the same roof as him was just too much to bear, I would have gone insane and killed us both in the night I think! Also it is the only way to make them truly see what they have lost, I packed up all my stuff the other day while my ex was at work, left him a goodbye note and got the hell out of dodge, knowing that if nothing else he would get home from work and see all my stuff gone and the note, and would at least feel a tiny semblance of what I've been feeling.

 

FYI, I broke up with my ex on the same day as you, after 3 years together too! How strange. Some strange comfort in that I think. He was everything to me, but now I've got to stay strong. It's the only way for me to move on and the only way for him to see what he's missing, and I hope by then I'm happy with someone else and all I can give him is a pitying look!