Byren Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Hello to whomever's reading... It's been a few months since I was last here (which is a good thing!) but I think I may have a fresh problem... either that or I have a new batch of paranoia to dole out. Ok, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for about two and a half months now, before that we were awesomely good friends for two years. About three weeks ago we were all couply and nice, everything felt right, but then she went away to Australia for two weeks and now things feel different. I really hope that I'm just being paranoid about this, but she doesn't get as cuddly and stuff anymore, conversations dont seem to flow as well as they used to and something just feels wrong... I mentioned that she was acting a little off and she told me that it's probably just jet lag or something, which is fair enough, a thirty-four hour journey would take a lot out of someone. Yesterday I felt it was time to tell her that I love her for the first time, I wrote it in a cypher so she could have fun figuring out what I wrote (she's the logical type). She hasn't solved it yet, even though she asked me how to. I'm pretty sure she knows what it says and is afraid to solve it. The final thing that's got me worried is that this morning she started thinking about what's going to happen next year when we finish uni and go off our seperate ways. She was telling me that she misses some things about our old friendship that we will probably never have again. She's the best friend I've ever had and in some ways I feel that this relationship has killed that friendship. I think I actually felt closer to her before we were going out. =\ I'd like some opinions from others on this... am I just crazy, or is this relationship taking a nose-dive? and more importantly, is there anything I can do? Thanks guys.
amaysngrace Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 I think two years is a very long time to go from friends to lovers. If it had taken less time to get there the romance would have overshadowed the friendship but since it wasn't like that I think your relationship is viewed as more platonic than romantic by you guys. But hey...what do I know? I've never had a romance with someone that was my friend for two years first. Acquaintances yes. Friends no.
carhill Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 The final thing that's got me worried is that this morning she started thinking about what's going to happen next year when we finish uni and go off our separate ways. So, no plans of continuing your friendship/relationship after uni? Sounds odd to me. School ends. Relationships/friendships continue, often for life. She was telling me that she misses some things about our old friendship that we will probably never have again. What things? She's the best friend I've ever had and in some ways I feel that this relationship has killed that friendship. Why? I think I actually felt closer to her before we were going out. Again, why?
Ronni_W Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Yesterday I felt it was time to tell her that I love her for the first time, I wrote it in a cypher so she could have fun figuring out what I wrote (she's the logical type). ...I'm pretty sure she knows what it says and is afraid to solve it. That last bit is just you guessing -- and you could be guessing totally wrong! Seems to me you were too afraid to even write it out -- why wouldn't she be equally afraid to say it out loud, is my thought. I'm also guessing (lotsa guessing going on here ) that you're gonna recognize that was actually a very unfair (sneaky?) way of getting OUT of telling her anything at all -- you haven't told her anything at all, have you? You're waiting for her to unravel your cryptic clues, is all. (Yes, I saw the BS, er, part where it's supposed to be fun for her. Ixnay on at-thay! That's no fun no matter how 'logical' is the person.) The final thing that's got me worried is that this morning she started thinking about what's going to happen next year when we finish uni and go off our seperate ways. She was telling me that she misses some things about our old friendship that we will probably never have again.Maybe she was trying to develop her own cryptic skills? Maybe she was actually asking you for your thoughts about the future, and if your plans include her, and do you miss stuff from the old friendship, or are you totally happy with how things are now? But...that's just me guessing
Author Byren Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 So, no plans of continuing your friendship/relationship after uni? Sounds odd to me. School ends. Relationships/friendships continue, often for life.I'd assumed that we'd stay together after uni, ideally one of us would move to where the other ends up and that'd be fine... but the way that she phrased it made it seem that she didn't want to continue it afterwards. As for continuing our friendship... if we were to split then I'd like to at least be friends, though I feel that it would hurt me. She's my first proper girlfriend, and she was my best friend before all of this, so I care about this relationship working out a whole lot more than I probably should. What things?She wasn't too specific, but she mentioned times when she'd be my wingwoman as i attempted to pick up other girls in clubs =P Why?The way we communicate now seems different a lot of the time... though I'm prone to overthink things. Before I'd say all manner of crazy things and there'd be no fear of reprocussions, just like any good friendship. But now there's a relationship at stake I'm always second guessing myself and trying not to sound like an idiot infront of my girl. It's not all the time, but most of the time it'll get the better of me, especially in group situations. Again, why?Because of the freedom I guess... beforehand we were just two friends who could talk about anything, and we do still talk about a hell of a lot. But now there just seems to be a little wall between us stopping us from saying some things. Before we were going out we used to stay up all night talking about past relationships, but now it's almost hitting too close to home to talk about them... I dunno, I just feel like i'm drifting away from her somewhat.
Author Byren Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 That last bit is just you guessing -- and you could be guessing totally wrong! Seems to me you were too afraid to even write it out -- why wouldn't she be equally afraid to say it out loud, is my thought. I'm also guessing (lotsa guessing going on here ) that you're gonna recognize that was actually a very unfair (sneaky?) way of getting OUT of telling her anything at all -- you haven't told her anything at all, have you? You're waiting for her to unravel your cryptic clues, is all. (Yes, I saw the BS, er, part where it's supposed to be fun for her. Ixnay on at-thay! That's no fun no matter how 'logical' is the person.) Maybe you're right, I didn't think of it like that. I'm really not afrad to tell her outright, I honestly did just have this in mind as something different, something that she'd remember (though I guess she would anyway, but I assumed there'd be no harm in this...).
carhill Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 So, it sounds like you're in this for a reason and a season. She's your first "proper" GF and you're young. If you part ways on a friendly basis, it is possible that you can revisit this friendship and relationship later in life if you find yourselves to be compatible and still have that spark. To me, the fact that you find intimacy to be limiting tells me you two may not be as compatible as you think. I'm assuming, as a friend, you always treated your friend with dignity and respect and none of that has changed, so "crazy" should've never been demeaning or disrespectful to her, so no need to change who you are after becoming her BF. Same with chattering on about past relationships (presumably hers, since you've had no "proper" GF's prior).....it's still something you can do, even when married. It's the past, and part of your history. What "repurcussions" do you fear? Also, why would you have fear? At your age, you have many friends or avenues for friendship. She's not the be all and end all of existence, even if she is your best friend, right? Over-thinking is over-rated. Trust me
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